Just want a bit of a hand hold

[Emmmmab]

Feeling very down tonight. I've kind of come to terms I have to stay with my horrible husband for an easier life.

Im quite young im 25 nearly 26 we have 2 kids under the age of 4 and he is just not a nice man and I've realised hed make my life hell if I left and would use the kids In ways to get to me for example would take them and not keep in touch regarding how they are would take them on special occasions etc hed be awful

It's just a snippet I could dive deep into things. I do just get a bit sad. When im at work I find myself daydreaming about a life where im with someone who loves me and genuinely loves me. And its a new partner and me and my kids would be away from DH.

I do all parenting. He does fuck all and I don't even think he has a concept of parenting? He will shout and I disagree with this , if our eldest does anything wrong but again he's 3 so yoy have to teach kids not just shout and say they're naughty

Dh tells me im soft and I need to tell him off. I have a firm voice and tell him when hes done something wrong. Shouting is pathetic in my eyes but DH is pathetic ao irs fitting and my kids will grow up to hate their own dad because they'll see mum did everything and will always do everything and be there for them and he does nothing

I don't ever leave the kids alone with him because hes actually incompetent as a dad

But just want to vent and get it out. Been crying in the bath as I just feel so sad that at a young age I've had to come to terms with this. I hope my kids never end up in this horrible position

Why do you have to stay with him? An easier life doesn't mean a better or happier life. It sounds like you are extremely unhappy and the kids don't need to be shouted at/called naughty any more.

I say get help and get out....contact woman's aid/support. Whatever it takes. You are young and will have time to rebuild your life again with someone who is kind to you and your kids.

He'd still make me miserable if I left. I've read into it there's no chance I'd get fully custody unless there's extensive evidence of abuse or evidence he can't provide for the kids and he can financially , he has a job savings etc

If I say he doesn't do sny parenting I do all the childcare it'll come across hearsay

And im worried with joint custody he'd try to take them and not let me know where they are etc

please please book yourself a free advice session with a family law solicitor who can provide decent advice to you. On the separation of their parents, children of this age usually spend most of their time with their primary carer and frankly this is usually mum. The “authorities” (ie the courts, social services etc) want children to live with the parent who is best able to meet their needs (emotional, educational, practical etc). I am a divorce lawyer and have seen many people work through your horrible situation and come out the other side happier, away from their horrible ex, building a better new life with their kids.

It doesn’t have to be like this OP. You can change things and make life better. Happy to hand hold while you do this.
There’s lots of support available from people and places that have done it before, sadly this situation happens to a lot of people, but this means the people who can help you know exactly what to do.
You're so young, your babies and you deserve to be in a calm and loving environment.