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"Just" the two of us

5 replies

Lavender14 · 21/04/2025 01:49

Just to preface this by saying I'm aware this is probably me really over thinking and being a bit sensitive!

I bumped into a really old acquaintance today and as a relatively new single parent it took me by surprise how anxious I suddenly felt about what questions they might ask me and how I'd feel and how i would respond as I figured they would have been aware of my marriage but probably not the separation and one of the things I surprised myself by dreading being asked was oh where is x today? Or is your husband working?

The obvious answer is "it's just us" as in me and ds... but (and this is the over thinking part - I know!) "Just" feels a bit ... negative? Like it gives the connotation that there should be more but isn't. And it got me to wondering- is there a more positive way to reframe "no its just us" to make it feel and sound more empowering or less apologetic sounding especially within earshot of ds who has no involvement from his dad? I'm really aware of how use of language might affect him as he gets older and more aware of his lack of a father and I want him to grow up hearing phrasing that suggests that we as a two are enough and normal. Any suggestions for alternative answers/phrasing?

OP posts:
mumofoneAlonebutokay · 21/04/2025 01:52

Following for the same advice 💕

Orangeandgold · 21/04/2025 02:27

It definitely gets easier as they get older and as you find a routine - as as you realise that your life is better without your ex.

You could say nothing, but if someone does ask you could say “we don’t live together anymore” or “we’ve chosen to coparent”

language that is ambiguous enough for the adult to get the picture.

Leafy3 · 21/04/2025 02:29

"Is your husband here?"
"No, I am happily divorced"

"Is your husband working today?"
"Possibly, but we are no longer married so your guess is as good as mine!"
"Oh, I'm sorry!"
"Don't be, it was for the best and I'm very happy."

ChevronShoes · 21/04/2025 02:45

A person close to me is going through this and I hadn’t thought about the worries that they were facing so thank you for raising.

As an outsider my response to “it’s just us” would be to wonder what happened, some may even ask you. My first thought would be that he may have passed to which I might say I’m sorry, which then is quite negative for ds. Ppl often say I’m sorry when they don’t know what to say and there is some ambiguity.

I think better to be clear and shut down conversation eg…

We’ve separated and are coparenting now, how is your job going? Or similar clear change in narrative.

mjf981 · 21/04/2025 04:46

I agree with the above - clear and direct 'No, we divorced x months ago, I'm loving life again!' and swiftly move on.

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