Moan about family

[Needtosoundoffandbreathe]

I love them but FFS - I've just cooked a big roast dinner and they've all fecked off whilst I've loaded the dishwasher and done a stack of washing up and tidying away.. Apparently they're watching something I like on the TV in the living room except my aged mother has the volume turned up to one billion because she's deaf (appointment with Dr re: hearing aids booked but it's taken months to get this far and for her to accept this) and I've had to retreat to the bedroom with a cup of tea. Argh!

Oh don’t be a martyr fgs

nothing, absolutely NOTHING, was stopping you from saying “hey everyone.. all hands on deck now for clean up”

I bet you were crashing around in the kitchen to make a point of YOU doing all the tidying up so having the TV blaring probably was blessed relief for everyone

Of piss off - absolutely not. There's one sink though.

What a wit you are. No. The the living room and TV are some distance away.

DP came and made me a cup of tea.

Enjoy it!

Shame he didn’t help
or gasp you communicate with him and ask

If you cooked I would have got them to clean up while you supervised with a cuppa! Don’t stand for it next time.

What's with the effing sarkiness this pm?

But you’re starting a thread about being pissed off no one helped

you have a DP

reasonable question… why didn’t he ask? Why didn’t you communicate with him?

Usually it's the person who cooks doesn't clean up. Next time finish eating, grab a drink and leave it to your husband.

I think what people are trying to tell you OP is, if you want something, well, you have to use your words, and communicate that to people.

I mean, you communicated it here quite clearly.

I think you need to ask for help immediately once people have finished eating. Likely this has happened before and will do so ad nauseum. Easier said than done though I know and if I tried I’d probably end up saying something like do let me know if you need anything else as I’ll be in the kitchen anyway! 😅😭

I would have plonked myself on the couch and told them you expect them to get to get cracking once their programme was finished. Leave it for them to do. If they didn't get it done by bedtime, I'd be going on strike. I'm not the family servant.

Why didn’t your husband do the clearing up ?

“I’m not washing up as I did all the cooking.” Literally just say this and don’t do it.

Think of these comments as tough love. I’m also against other women martyring themselves. It’s 2025!

I cooked and washed up - I have two kids at home currently - one had work and one had revision - they would have helped if asked and did offer but I secretly like washing up! ( no dishwasher).

point is you ask rather than stewing in the kitchen

I’d have got DH to clear up and then gone and sat in the living room with the others. I know you want to make a point about how put out you are by it all but it honestly won’t make you feel better. Just more pissed off.

I will never understand the level of martyrdom and wet lettuce behaviour from people.
just ask for help

Christmas is so bad in mumsnet for this

OPs thundering around trying to “create memories” when likely all they’re doing is getting very pissed off and creating one hell of an awful atmosphere at home

Timed perfectly to coincide with the last bit of kitchen cleaning if he was clever about it!

But why should the OP (or anyone else) have to ask for help? Why can’t people see that OP has done the cooking so someone else (her DP/other adults) take over? Asking for help assumes it is solely her responsibility.

My ExDH used to have to be asked and then behaved like he was doing me a favour. My DP just does what needs to be done. It’s unbelievably refreshing.

I think you’re in an irritated mood to be fair.

So if your family don’t offer
you have a choice

communicate
or
dont bother doing all the cooking and cleaning for them

but it seems that many a mumsnetter crack on doing it, don’t communicate but then just get in a massive arse about it. No doubt spoiling it for everyone anyway so shouldn’t have bothered in the first place!