How to get 5 year old to eat a proper meal? Help please!

[cycler]

My DSS age 5 lives with us around 35% of the month and half of all school holidays. DSS is quite a selective eater and has been since I met DP two years ago. I do all of the cooking as I enjoy it and try to make our meals as appealing as possible to DSS.

We’ve tried the following:

•Involving DC in the shopping & meal planning.
•Involving DC in the prep & cooking.
•Plating up separately/deconstructed.
•Food placed in middle of table to help yourself with no pressure.
•DP and I making a big deal of enjoying our food/vegetables.
•Variations of the food we’re having, for example, homemade curry made milder & sweeter or chicken cooked with little seasoning & no sauce.
•Requesting that DC try each component from time to time as tastebuds change, “don’t have to like it but we’d like you to try it”.
•Rewards of a toy for trying dinner, rewarding with a film or dessert.

DP has tried coaxing and even forcing DC to try certain foods but unfortunately dinner time is turning into a battle & it’s stressful for all involved. I tend to not get involved other than the actual cooking (shopping & planning) and don’t think we should spend hours coaxing DC to eat whilst we all sit at the table watching but DP has asked me to be a little more involved as he’s at the end of his tether really. In the past I’ve taken more of a no pressure approach & move the conversation away from the food entirely at the table but would not allow any other snacks after dinner bar fruit or veg (DP tends to give in a lot more easily so DC will not try any dinner then will be allowed to fill up on chocolate afterwards).

DC will currently eat:
•Chocolatey breakfast cereals
•Toast and jam
•Fried egg
•Bacon
•Fish Fingers
•Beans
•Spaghetti Hoops
•Biscuits, chocolate
•Cucumber
•Grapes
•Banana
•Chips
•Potato Waffles
•Sometimes a burger/sausage
•Yorkshires & Pastry
•Gammon
•White bread
•Tomato Ketchup
•Pepperoni Pizza
•Fromage Frais style yoghurts or chocolate yoghurts.
•Will sometimes eat the inside of jacket potato.

DC will not eat:
•Any other veg, no peas, sweet corn, carrots, peppers, broccoli
•Anything in a sauce, no gravy, bolognese, white sauces, curries
•Mash
•Rice/Grains
•Pasta
•Nuggets
•Plain fish/Chicken/Pork/Beef mince
•Selective about the beans, will not eat KFC beans for example or others served in restaurants.
•Nothing with visible seasoning/herbs or any roasted bits on veg/potatoes.

Does anyone have any tips in getting fussy DC to try anything new or do you let them grow out of it? Can anyone recommend any dinners with hidden veg he may eat?

thank you!

I read that it takes a while for some children to get used to new foods, and so it should appear on their plate in very small quantities about 10 times before you even ask them to try it. It worked for one of my DC. I'd focus on one or two of the veg first, maybe carrot or broccoli. Weirdly, mine would eat raw veg, including spinach, but wouldn't eat any of it cooked - it was a texture thing.
I wouldn't bother about him not eating pasta or nuggets, no reason why he should eat them. Focus on the things that are good for him and will make your life easier ( eg is there something he'll eat when you're out, like pizza?).

Don't stress. It's a waste of time. Just organise meals around what he will eat. They grow out of it eventually. Our son was ridiculously fussy and wouldn't even eat chips - it was basically baked beans with everything, and the "everything" consisted basically of sausages, fish fingers, chicken nuggets, pizza, corned beef sandwiches and burgers! His diet was appalling! It really worried us but he'd simply not eat anything else. It wasn't until he went to Uni that he changed! Within the first few weeks living with others in a uni flat, he was literally eating anything and everything. His first time home at that first Christmas, aged 18, was the first time he'd eaten a full Christmas dinner with us! Now, he's the adventurous one when we go out for a meal - he's first at the carvery if we out out for Sunday lunch, happily choosing ethnic takeaways, - he literally eats anything now. Like I say, don't stress - let them be and they'll eventually grow out of fussiness. Just try your best to keep things healthy to stop them putting on weight if they're preferring junk food - try to find the lowest calorie/lowest fat versions of chips, sausages, pizzas, fish fingers, or beans or whatever - it's what we did and our son didn't become overweight.

Have a look at this Instagram dietician.
https://www.instagram.com/family.snack.nutritionist?igsh=NG9jNDZueHh4c3h3

Don't give snacks. If you must (e.g. ages till a meal in his other house) include the food groups she recommends.
Have one think you know he's reliable with and the others new.
Never mention the food. Or if you do, discuss texture/flavour not IT'S SO YUMMY.

The OP sounds perfectly nice - it wasn't her I was referring to. It's the partner who is verging on abusive behaviour. I'm sure he means well but he should stop now.

Your DP is doing the worst of both worlds - spending ages trying to coax and cajole him to eat, but allowing him treat food if he refuses. You need to do the opposite! Pressure off at mealtimes, provide a range of food and act as if you don't care if he eats it or not. Then if he's hungry later on he can have toast or fruit.

So he isn't your husband and you already do all the cooking and now he's asking you to fix HIS child's eating problems?
Why is he not on a forum asking this question? Why has he not looked up advice online already? He obviously doesn't think much of your ( appropriate) approach before now, what is HE actually doing to parent his child instead of landing the nearest person with a vagina with the task?

My son is 8, diagnosed ASD and basically doesn't eat hot food except pizza, noodles and eggs.

So his dinner is "snack plate" he doesn't like food touching so he has a few tray style plates that are split into sections.

If I give him something like pizza, the rest of his things are cucumber, cheese cubes, Raspberries, strawberry's for example. If your DSS has fish fingers, they don't need to have food that goes with it.

I also give pudding as part of the snack plate.

He also has a snack bowl he can help himself to any time, fruit, crackers etc.

You don't have to give him different foods every meal. A child needs to be fed, preferably a balanced diet. As long as the child isn't hungry then does it really matter if they aren't eating a meal that goes together.

What would happen if you threw out the processed food tomorrow and make all of it (including bread and pasta at home)? Would he be more receptive to eating things if that was his only option?

My nephew has ASD and his selective eating was impacting his growth and so the above is exactly what his dietician suggested they tried because he won't go hungry. Within a few days his safe foods had doubled as he began to eat the same nutritious food everyone else was eating.

You need to cut down on the sugery foods - so toast with butter or peanut butter, not toast with jam.

He seems to be getting a reward of sugery foods, even chocolate if he won't eat a meal, that really needs to stop. I don't think he should be rewarded with a toy or film for trying something new, it makes into too big a deal.

Your DP needs to read up on dealing with picky eaters, agree an approach with you, and stick to it. He seems to change his response from cajoling to threathening, then scuppering it all by giving his son chocolate.

Good luck.