My 3yo is a spinning sleep thief - please help!

[BugBugTheTornado]

My just-turned-3-year-old has started waking in the early hours, shouting for me or DH, only stopping when she comes into our bed - where she is a royal pain in the arse.

I am considering renaming her Donna, as she appears to turn into a continually revolving kebab the minute she gets into our bed - spinning, failing and thwacking me in the face ALL NIGHT

She has slept through in her own room reliably for ages, this has come out of the blue, and it really needs to stop.

We decided last night we’d let her be, allow her to shout and scream for a bit and see if she calmed down and took herself back to her own bed (or floor/cushions/teddy pile -whatever). We have two other daughters (13 and 19) who we prewarned - they’re not at school or work so they were ok to disturb for a night and see how it went. We were all braced and ready.

Unsurprisingly, she woke up, shouted for me for 45 minutes (leaving me in bits) from 3am until 3.45am, before DH cracked, and took her downstairs. He didn’t want to bring her into our bed, and there was no getting her settled back in her bed.

This feels like totally the wrong approach. I hate CIO, and it’s not practical with the other girls to consider either, but none of us are getting the sleep we need with her in with us. No spare bedrooms to decamp into, and she has a toddler bed, so DH or I can’t even squish in there.

I have epilepsy and need to get a decent nights’ sleep or things get potentially spicy, this is starting to be a problem!

What do we do?!?

If it came on quickly it probably is just a phase and will pass. They are super sensitive at this stage. Has she had any changes to her routine? Anything happened at nursery? Any new phobias or anxieties? Has she witnessed any arguments? If she’s calming down in bed with you then that suggests some kind of fear of separation from you. I hate to say it and appreciate you’re completely exhausted but if she needs your comfort then that’s just what she needs until she’s worked through whatever it is that she’s dealing with. Try to have a conversation with her and see if she is able to verbalise her fears.

Is she actually asleep when spinning?
One of mine has been a bed starfish since born and a bed windmill since physically capable.
25 years later and still the same.

I always went in her bed rather than bring her into mine
and sneak off once she settled - if I didn’t fall out first

@Groundhogday2025Came on quickly, but no apparent cause. When asked she says she just ‘doesn’t like her bed’. No dramas at home or nursery, she’s as happy and bouncy as ever 🤷‍♀️ no arguements that I’m aware of - teenage sisters being teenagers, but she’s always known that!

@OuchyEarsfast asleep! She literally spins - back side, tummy, side, back - on repeat, snoring away happily. She’s absolutely spark out when she’s doing it but it’s like sleeping next to a tumble dryer!

@andtheworldrollsoni’ve tried that, well, her floor actually, we don’t fit in her bed, but we have a pillow mound and she loves snuggling on the floor. She’ll snuggle and go back to sleep, I can then lift her back into bed and commando crawl out of the room… within about 30 seconds of being in the bed, she’s awake and screaming for me again!

You say she snores, does she need her tonsils/adenoids checked maybe? Only ask as our 4 year old has sleep apnea and snores due to enlarged adenoids and it causes very restless sleep for her

i agree with you that crying it out is not the answer but, if she learned anything from last night, she learned that it she keeps yelling long enough, you’ll crack. What she needs is a prompt, completely consistent and utterly boring response from you. If every time she shouts for you, you go in, lie her back down and repeat the same phrase in the same tone, she will eventually jack it in. Minimal eye contact. A bit of reassuring back patting but preferably no big snuggles. It will be brutal for a couple of nights but it works. You have to rehearse your boring sentence in your boring tone but something like “You are not on your own. We’re just close by but it’s time to go to sleep”. Over and over again. But in 3 or 4 nights, it’ll all be over. She’ll learn that every time she calls you, you come but that’s it. There’s no fun payoff for her but there is the knowledge that she’s safe.

This.

Return her to bed
Same words.
Flat tone.
Until she gets it.

If you Leave her on the floor what happens ?
perhaps the bed isn’t comfortable any more or too hot or cold or something