Devastated by prolapse. I'm so sad.

[Sodesperatelysad]

Feeling really low and I just need to write it out.

I'm almost 6 months postpartum and I'm 99% certain I have some kind of pelvic floor prolapse. This is my first baby and I'm only 21. Nobody told me this could happen and I was way too active walking around in the first few weeks after birth. I wish everyday that I could go back and rest more. I can't be certain that not resting caused it but I just know that it did. I'm so stupid.

I really wanted to have a big family but I'm terrified to get pregnant again now. I'm scared of it getting worse. I'm scared to lift things or be active. I hate having sex. I obsessively check down there everytime I shower and use the bathroom. I guess just hoping it'll be magically fixed one day.

I've looked into treatment options but there isn't really much available. Just pelvic floor exercises, which I do but that will never change the physical appearance of it. It's not bad enough for surgery, I don't think.

My self esteem wasn't great before pregnancy but now it's rock bottom. I wish I'd been grateful for my body, whilst I at least had a normal looking vagina. I feel like my life is over. I know that's so selfish when I know I'm so lucky to have my lovely baby.

It's one of the reasons why I wont have any more children, aside from money. I dont want to be incontinent in my 30s, I dont want surgery down there and sex would feel worse with a massive bulge hanging out. It's going to affect my self esteem and confidence

@Neetra30 I understand you're being honest but I'm spiralling at your posts a little.

Hey OP, please don’t be embarrassed. I’m sorry this is happening to you 💐- I have/had prolapse, like others have said - get yourself to a good pelvic womens health physio, if you can afford it go private as you’ll be seen quicker (they aren’t too expensive depending on what area you are in). In the meantime, I echo what another poster has suggested - if you’re on Facebook, search for the pelvic power movement community; lots of women in the same situation, plus lots of support on how to manage and improve your situation. Esther is great. Also agree with the squeezy app and learning how to engage your pelvic floor fully, it’s not just squeezing down below, imagine your pelvic floor is a huge band of elastic all the way from your tummy to your bum in a hammock. In order to engage it properly and help strengthen certain areas, you have to activate lots more muscles than you may realise, in a variety of different ways (short bursts of kegels, or longer holding kegels) - all the best, try to keep positive there is lots of support.

Firstly, sorry you're going through this. It can feel a very lonely place at times. Secondly try not to be embarrassed as it is more common than you think but it still feels quite a taboo subject that people don't talk about. Definitely see a GP or women's health physio for assessment/diagnosis so you know what you're dealing with. I follow the Whole Body Pelvic Health course developed by Pilates teacher who suffered prolapse and pelvic health issues after childbirth. For me it's been a game changer. My symptoms have improved in the short time I've been following the course. Like you I was blaming myself but I now realise that actually I have an injury and subsequent misalignment causing my issues. It is a monthly subscription but if that doesn't sound like something you can to commit to at the moment, she has also written a book called Hope for Your Pelvic Floor wholebodypelvichealth which you may find helpful. Please believe me when I say it's not your fault and you're not alone.

I developed a prolapse after my first. I was also devastated and felt very low about what my future looked like - however it improved a lot when I gave up breastfeeding and has continued to improve over the last few years to the point where I no longer think about it much. It hasn't stopped me doing anything and I still exercise and play sports.

Concentrate on healing post birth and breastfeeding. Give your body time to recover. It takes way longer than you think.

Just want to add - my prolapse was after my first child, and I worried about things, but I went on to have my second DS by c section and although my recovery was complicated by other things the prolapse had nothing to do with it and had actually improved a lot over time before I fell pregnant the second time - I was really worried ir never would and it did take a lot of effort on my part and some really good pelvic physios who knew their stuff. Like you I was so sad and couldn’t see a way out for a while but if I knew now how things would be I’d have been a lot more hopeful.

@Neetra30 's experience hasn't been mine at all. Mine did not get worse with child number 2 and I was able to choose to have an elective c section. I went to see a post natal physio who assessed me and I did my kegels. I'm not incontinent.

Im not saying there has been no impact at all - for example if I'm coughing I do squeeze and I'm careful if I lift anything.

I play high impact sports several times a week. Initially I was concerned about making it worse but decided I couldn't bear to spend the rest of my life sitting on my bum from fear of exercising so gave it a go - it's been fine and if anything it has improved.

Read all the other helpful posts. Don’t fixate on that one.

Please go and see your GP. Don’t be embarrassed as they probably won’t even look down there if you say you think you’ve got a prolapse, they will just refer you. It’s incredibly common and nothing to be ashamed of.

I had pelvic floor issues after my second child, it really affected me mentally too. I was referred to a pelvic physio and she was honestly brilliant. I thought it would be so awkward but they know what they're doing and how to put you at ease. Definitely ask for a referral asap

Agree, see a women's health physio. I did end up having surgery for mine about 13 years ago and all is good now, I lead a normal life, exercise etc. However I have been doing yoga taught by a specialist in women's core and pelvic floor health for many years which has helped hugely. I avoid really heavy lifting but I am very aware what is happening to my pelvic floor while I exercise now so I modify accordingly in classes but still get a good workout. There are more and more practitioners now for pelvic floor-improving exercise, don't give up, especially as you are still only a few months post partum.

Sorry @Sodesperatelysad I didn't mean to put you off. Your prolapses may not be as bad as mine as I have gone through 3 vaginal births.
I have read that having c sections could potentially prevent existing prolapses from getting worse.
You are very young as well so it may improve overtime.

I disagree with only surgery will fix it. It's a very last resort. I have a cystocele,had 4 DKs, 3 VB, have always done pelvic floor exercises every single night,I'm in my 70s..I now have a ring pessary. Gynae consultant said it was caused by lack of estrogen..my DD mil has had 3 unsuccessful surgeries and her sil the same.. for some, surgery will be necessary but consider all other options.

Hello, I know this is a late reply, and I hope you are doing well and are ok after the helpful response from lots of other people. I just wanted to reach out to say I feel the same as you, I have a mild prolapse now after my first child, I'm 4 months nearly pp and I have felt all the emotions you have described. I've sought so much reassurance from HCPs about future pregnancy and vaginal births - I have been told repeatedly it is possible. Even being told this I still feel sad and frustrated that this happens to us. I felt the same as you wishing I could turn back the clock and not "strain" on the loo or slow down when walking pp. But reality is we can't control hormones and it's likely that which has caused it. I too recommend going to one of your local private "mummy MOT" physios, I've had two apps so far and found them so helpful. I'm also under NHS physio (due to 3rd degree tear in birth) and being given pelvic floor exercises. I guess in a roundabout way I'm trying to say you're not alone, I'm sorry you feel so sad, I feel it too and want to give you solidarity. Take good care and hope breastfeeding is all going ok too. Pp is such a vulnerable time xxx