16 m/o - worries about development

[Kirova]

My DD3 is 16 months old - she was premature, so her adjusted age is 14 months. She had a rocky start but is doing well health-wise. Just lately, though, I've been worrying that she's not where she should be developmentally.

The main concerns I have are around speech/communication development. She follows direction with gestures, but not without. She doesn't use any recognisable words yet, but she doesn't really babble or imitate a lot either. My older two daughters are 5 and 6 and I may be misremembering what they were like at this stage, but I think they were a lot more verbal.

She's also going through a super clingy stage and we've had a lot of screaming tantrum meltdowns - I'm not so worried about this as I do remember the older two going through this phase, but it seems more intense with her!

I'm constantly worried that I've done or I'm doing something wrong - both around her premature birth (which I have a lot of complicated thoughts about because it was quite traumatic and resulted in a serious birth injury) or something that I'm doing or not doing now. I don't know if I am being unreasonable to worry - or if I'm being unreasonable not to be more proactive!

If anyone is able to give me any sense of perspective, it would be so much appreciated.

(Sorry if I am posting in the wrong place. I haven't been on for a while and everything looks different!)

Hi OP! I really empathise. I've been through a serious bout of worry with my middle child - he's 3 in June. His development sounds a lot like your DDs: very limited understanding, only following with gestures, no words, minimal babbling. The HV wouldn't do anything until he was 2 because they said he was too young and his development might just come on.

At 2 he hasn't progressed much and I had the HV come to check him and refer us for everything,,, ASD assessments, hearing, SALT... because I knew the waiting list was so long. Like you, I was also comparing to my eldest who was developmentally always ahead!

anyway long story short, he has come on so much with his development really accelerating over the last 6 months (really between 26 months and 34 months where we are today). It just seems that he's a little late to the party but now his brain is ready to start understanding, talking etc. he's still a bit behind but I'm hopeful that he will catch up over the next 12 months.

Must admit, I completely took it for granted that my eldest DD just picked up everything ... I didn't actually have to teach her anything (that's how it felt). With my son, I really simplify my language, make sure I have his attention, use makaton signing (less so now actually)... and this has all really helped.

i remember reading a thread on here that some kids just seem to bloom between 2 and 6 months and 2 and 10 months, as if a switch just flicks on. That's what I feel has happened with my son.

he's still on all the waiting lists for various types of assessment and support... But I'd rather have him on the lists and have the joy of taking him off if his development catches up, than only adding him to all the waiting lists at a later stage. For you, your little one is a lot younger yet so it's probably too early to get any assessments or nhs support just yet (assuming you are uk).

for what it's worth I also have a younger child, 11 months and her development is advanced too. I haven't done anything different between my middle and youngest and the difference between them is stark ... so be kind to yourself. Just do your best to enjoy the stage she is at now without worrying and over analysing everything.

Perhaps something that might help is a book called 'it takes two to talk'. I found this so helpful in giving me ideas for how to adjust my comms and play style to help my son. It's been a blessing honestly.

sorry for the long waffly post! Xxx

Hi OP, DS didn’t have any words until he was 18 months old. We were told not to worry as long as he has 3 words by 18 months and even then sometimes they take their time, doesn’t mean something is wrong. He is now 3 and doesn’t stop talking. He certainly was very clingy and every time DH left the room he would cry as if his beloved dad was going to war, now he is very outgoing and certainly grew out of it. So it does all sound normal to me but totally understand why you are worried. It is good that she understands you. Have you spoken to the HV / GP?

Thank you both for taking the time to reply and share, I really appreciate it!

It's the same with my elderly two - I never really felt like I had to proactively 'teach' anything. In hindsight, I spent masses of time with them both because of their very small age gap (13 months) and lockdowns.

The HV says not to worry because of the adjusted age and some children just developing later, etc. Which is in one way reassuring, but I also worry something might be missed.

I have recently wondered about her hearing because she seems to respond and understand quite well when she has visual cues, but really zones out on speech only.

(yes, I am UK. The other thing I should have mentioned is that we're a bilingual household. Which I do worry might slow down her language development but her sisters talk English to each other and to her almost exclusively.)

Mum guilt is a bitch, but rest assured OP it’s not something you do or don’t do, you sound like a great mum. I strongly believe that kids do things in their own time. It may sound counterintuitive but I swear watching Miss Rachel together with DS helped him get the hang of speaking. And also we are bilingual too, the nursery did say that it can sometimes cause a delay but they weren’t ever worried. It’s an advantage!

It won’t be anything you’re doing unless you stick her in front of Cocomelon all day.

Does she use any gestures herself? Like waving, pointing, clapping? Does she recognise any words like if you ask ‘where the doggy?’, would she look at the dog?

Definitely not watching Cocomelon all day! (Or any of the day, in fact.)

She's good with gestures: as in, she'll wave hello, goodbye, she'll stretch out her arms if she wants someone, she'll point at what she wants or clap if she's pleased or excited. But she doesn't seem to recognise words unless they're accompanied by something visual (like either an object or a gesture).

That all sounds quite reassuring. She’s figured out the concept of communication and knows how to make her needs known. I would definitely pursue a hearing test as the ‘only understanding with visual cues’ sounds like she has that understanding but not through hearing. Good luck.