Talk to me about being a family of four

[Bluemountains85]

DC2 is a baby. We struggled to get here so I'm extremely grateful. I have baby fever again (damn hormones) but for various reasons (health, age, finances) we can't have more. I'm not disappointed at all, but I'm from a big family and so is DH and I just can't quite visualise the dynamics of what it's going to be like being a family of four. If you grew up with one sibling or have 2DC what are the things you love about it? Or would do differently?

I have 2 dds who are now 20 and 17. When they were teeny I would have liked a third but it just wasn’t practical at the time and now I’m so happy we never went for it.

holidays are much cheaper for a family of 4. You can fit in any car, even I tiny one. Two lots of driving lessons rather than three. Two kids to support through uni rather than three.

there’s no middle child so no one is left out. My two get on really well despite being very different. We are a really close family and having just two meant I had time for them individually.

coming from a family with loads of kids where there was never enough time or resources for everyone I’m very happy I haven’t replicated it with my own.

the baby fever will pass. Just enjoy your family.

I love having 2. When they are little you can give them both lots of attention. We can take one each when needed, holidays are easier. Even with 2 teens because we’ve one of each we need holiday accommodation with 3 beds at least. We all comfortably fit in a normal car. They mostly get on really well with each other.

I also have a wee bit of baby fever. My DC2 is 7 months and waa a complete surprise. However I know we couldn't afford a 3rd. Also my age there's 7 years between my 2 so much older this time round ansmd I feel it haha.

I do think it's normal to want more think there are a few threads on here with the same feelings heart would love (biology/nature) more but head (financially, emotionally and modern life) it's a no go.

My dc are 14 and 17. DH and I always thought we would have 3 or 4 but stopped at 2, for various reasons. Financial, our ages, childcare costs etc.

Being a family of 4 is perfect for us. 3 bed house, normal size car, easy holidays and all that. But the most important thing is that DH and I have enough emotional bandwidth for 2. Parenting teenagers can be quite emotionally draining but we’ve got it pretty well covered. We can adequately support the sport’s commitments, school work and exam revision, friendship dramas, relationship dramas.

When they were little, we could divide and conquer. Or one could be “on shift” while the other had time to get stuff done, chill time, a lie in or whatever.

Yes, all these things are possible with 3 or more dc. But it is a bit easier with 2.

Car. Can fit two.kuds in easily.
Holidays. Things are set up for families of four.
They are closer in age so activities might be easier to choose.

I love reading these, thank you. I'm really starting to appreciate this sense of having enough focus for each child, one hand per child or one parent per child at all times! This is not something I experienced in my own childhood 😅

I have 2. We put a lot of effort into developing and building the relationship between the two of them. I think this is something people often forget about-they’ll have each other a lot longer than they’ll have us, so the tighter their bond is the better.

A small thing but you have two hands- one for each to hold! This was very important to my two on a recent trip to a big city when DH stayed at home😂

I love being able to put an arm around each of them when we are snuggled up watching a movie.

Yes!! One arm round each child snuggling on the sofa, I love this idea.

Lots of things are set up for 4. Everything cars, holidays, deals for days out.

Yes to having an arm and time for each of them.

DH travels a lot with work. I can manage to get them both to their activities on my own. I think I'd really struggle if their was a 3rd in the mix.

I had two dc at the same time at my sister had two. I wanted a third but it didn’t happen, she had a third. So it’s been interesting because of the difference that the third made. Holidays and meals out are all more expensive. She had to have a massive car and I didn’t. She’s had to budget twenty thousand more than me for university contributions.

Our dc are 21 (both at university) 18 and 19 (one at university and one going in September) and 16. So she’s still in the thick of going to football three times a week and GCSEs.