Does suddenly losing a parent ever get easier?

[AintNobodyHereButUsChickens]

I lost my mum just after Christmas ‘23, she found out she had metastatic breast cancer and died 15 days later. I miss her so so much, I’m constantly thinking to myself “I haven’t spoken to mum in a while, best give her a call” and then remembering. I always see funny videos on Facebook that I know she’d like and I think “Oh I must send that mum!” And then I remember. My kids have had so many achievements over the last year and I desperately wish I could tell her all about them.

Sometimes I feel like she can’t really be gone, she was such a larger than life person. It’s impossible that she’s dead, because that’s so final. But logically I know it’s true, I was there when she died. I saw her in her coffin and helped wheel her into her funeral.

Does this ever get easier?

No worries! Try and plan something fun on the day maybe, still mark it but distract yourself with something positive.

DF died in 1980. I was 24. He was 80 though and, although hadn’t been well, was actually feeling a lot better. I felt numb really. We didn’t have a very close relationship but he was my dad. We enjoyed the same sports and hobbies whilst I lived at home. I think I was more concerned about DM managing. Bizarrely I watched a film on a plane that reminded me of DF 2 years later and that was the first time I had cried since the funeral. DH and me were married and were off to see friends abroad on a big adventure. I’ve often wondered what he would have thought about that.

I lost my mum to metastatic breast cancer about six months before you. I still think of her every day, I mostly get tearful now when something happens with my kids that I know she would have dearly loved to see and have been proud of. I find that very hard some days. We’ve been very unlucky, DH and I, and DC now have one living grandparent, who isn’t involved very much in their life. My mum was the best gran ever, so I always just feel the absolute unfairness of it, that she was taken away from them and they were taken away from her.

But I would say that I’m generally happy in life. My mum was a positive person and I’ve tried to keep that in mind. I was her only child and I suppose I feel a responsibility to her to live life well, so that’s what I’m trying to do. But it’s a horrible thing to lose your mum, we were so close, we spoke every day, and I still sometimes have that same ‘Wait till I tell Mum!’ and then the realisation. I don’t know if that ever goes, but I can think of her now without crying or getting sad, so that must be progress.

I hope you’re okay, it feels like a lonely thing losing a parent, especially if you lose them relatively young. Most of my peer group still have both parents alive, so that’s another struggle point I think, because grandparents are involved and we go to events and they are there and I feel the loss so keenly. But then I just have to keep going forward, take pleasure in friends and family and the things I enjoy and be glad that I had her, even if for too short a time, because many people never get to experience a relationship like that with their mother.

Sorry this turned into a bit of a ramble, but I think that probably reflects the jumble that grief is, all tangled together and wrapped round all the parts of your life.

And I totally understand the disbelief. I remember in the days after she died standing in the bathroom looking in the mirror and saying out loud ‘my mum is dead’ because it just felt so impossible that it could be true and I couldn’t grasp it. That’s faded but it does still feel almost absurd that she is gone.

I'm so very sorry. It's so incredibly painful losing a parent.

The pain doesn't diminish exactly, but time goes on and your world keeps getting bigger, the pain becomes a smaller part of your daily life.

Not really, not so much as a parent for me but we found my Nan on the kitchen floor, tried to administer cpr but tbh I knew when I pulled her from the door to lay flat she was already gone. Her lips and nose were tinted blue. She had cpd but tbh was doing okay, had a doctors appointment earlier that day. She’d had a mini heart attack 3 months before but was much better. It was my mum who found her first then immediately called me so we were the only 2 who saw her slumped against the kitchen door. Everytime I walk into the kitchen especially at that time 00.10am, I get flashbacks. It’s been 7 years, I haven’t forgot you just learn to live with it.

Like you my kids have missed out on the grandparents experience for much of their childhood, the amazing ones have gone 😭 shit isn’t it. But she lives on through you, keep talking about her even in the present tense, and keep her positive attitude!

and yes feels like I’m way ahead of my peers a lot of the time.. many still have grandparents alive and I’m already on the siblings dying, nevermind parents. They are so lucky.

I los my mum very suddenly 11 years ago. I am not sure you ever get over it, but it DOES get easier and the pain is less raw. The first year is the hardest, but after that I found things got easier all the time, but with huge steps back at time. Just this week I came across a photo of DD in which she looks a lot like my mum and it hit me right between the eyes again.

The trauma of the sudden loss is hard as well I think. The shock and almost PTSD-like feeling of it. I can't watch a tv show with someone in a coma now without, at best, screaming at the screen at how unrealistic it is and at worst, breaking down into tears. Or both.

Not much easier. I had a little cry today about something silly why had reminded me of him - he died 2017…

I’m sorry for your loss. I know it’s a cliche, but time does heal. I lost my dad when I was in my teens; no warning at all. It was awful at the time; it feels like ancient history now.

My DM died of a pulmonary embolism in 2020 aged 69. A friend who’s DM died even earlier than mine said “the hole they leave never gets any smaller, you just get used to it being there.” Which sums it up for me.

I'm so sorry to hear it is tough for you.
My mom died five years ago this week.
It was at the start of Covid; she died in a nursing home.
We were allowed in, but I remember it being so traumatic and then the funeral with a few people literally months later.
My mom although she died of Covid had dementia first so we lost her by degrees - if that makes sense.

One of my very good friends died this week, and it all came back. This person dying who was rather motherly to me has hit me really hard.

Does it get easier? I think it gets different. I still want to ring my mom, especially when things go a bit wrong. I still want to pick her up and go round the supermarket. I still want to hear her stories.

It's really tough. Each of us experiences grief in a different way. Be kind to yourself.

Take the trip, buy the shoes, eat the cake.

My Mum died suddenly at 69, collapsed suddenly at home and couldn’t be revived. The pain cut so very deep, she was our everything. The shock was unbelievable for us. However, the pain does soften over the years and you learn to live with it. The pangs still come though. Take it a day at a time.

That’s a really good analogy

My dad passed away in 2022. The missing him doesn’t get any easier but you change in a way like having children does. I am a different person to before my dad died in the same way that I was a different person before my children. I am stronger and more aware of fragility of life and this feels like a gift from him of sorts.

It used to make me incredibly sad and angry at the unfairness of it all and that life just goes on and how can it? I feel sad about all the moments that I was looking forward to with him. I used to be upset thinking about his death and thinking of him in a vulnerable, older state.

Now I consciously try to remember him in other stages of his life, when I was younger and how strong he used to be. I tell my children about these times and my siblings and I sometimes laugh about imagine what dad would say/do? I see glimpses of him as a child/teen in my children and in caring for them I feel like I’m caring for him as a child (sounds weird but it helps)
Sometimes I will read or see something and think that sounds like my dad and it makes me smile- like a sort of in joke with him that he is still here all around but not in a way that I experienced before. I still have this ‘relationship’ but just not the one I had before with him. It sounds mad I know but it helps to believe that he hasn’t just gone. I truly believe he hasn’t, I don’t know if I’ll see him again but I still know him now.

This post is perfect and exactly how I feel. I treat my parents as still being here in a sense but not in a mad way.. just feel them around and make a comment to them sometimes. Or talking to the kids and say “oh yeah grandma loves that food too” eg instead of past tense. I love seeing them come through in my childrens looks and mannerisms and find it very comforting.
and yes it does change you but in good ways, I really know whats important in life now.

Hi I know this is an old thread but I lost my dad suddenly on the 23rd and I wanted to ask did it get any easier 😔 the way I feel at the moment I can't ever see me feeling an ounce of happiness again xx

I'm getting to the age I was when my Dad passed away and I can't picture my life beyond 49. I don't want to make plans or anything and when husband is out, I worry about him. It's no good saying to me well it's a very low probability of x or y because as far as I am concerned the unthinkable happened when he died without warning.

It did get better for a few years but I think the age thing has brought it up again for me.

I’m so sorry for your dear dad has passed away. It’s an awful time to happen so near Christmas (But anytime is awful to lose someone so precious) My wonderful dad died on Boxing Day, a quite a few years ago.
At the time I felt that there was a huge hole! Everything seemed to be going on as normal, but not for me.
After a few years the pain does lessen, but it quickly surfaces on anniversaries. Or when I see or hear something that reminds me of what I have lost.
Remember all those little things that made your dad so special and the memories you have of him. Those can’t be taken away.
Look after yourself and no matter how you get through the days, weeks, months or years their is no right or wrong way to grieve. 🌺🌈

I lost my mum summer of 2022. I’ve been unhappy ever since. I cannot communicate with people, I’m completely introvert when I used to be gregarious. I don’t talk to people and I am so unhappy. Force yourself to get out and keep seeing people. Please don’t end up like me. I keep going because my kids need me.

I’m so sorry, you will still be in shock right now. I won’t overwhelm you with advice or platitudes - grief is a difficult process and it could take some time. I just wanted to point you in the direction of the bereavement board (I think it’s under Body and Soul if you click on all topics). There’s a long-running thread on there for people needing support after losing a parent. It’s a kind, warm and understanding thread, will try to link it below:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/5415656-for-anyone-needing-support-after-losing-a-parent-very-supportive-thread-september-2025

Look after yourself, take up any offers of help that you receive and, even if you don’t want to post yet, please know that the linked thread is a very kind space if you feel ready to post.

Took me 7 years to start to begin to cope with my mum's sudden death when I was a teenager and it's been 21 years now. I still miss her everyday and my life is irrevocably changed. A love that cannot be replaced.

30 years on NYE this year and her death has had a devastating effect on me and my siblings. The pain becomes easier to live with day to day but void is felt forever.

Thank you I feel overwhelmed today as I have to go and sort the funeral the mornings seem to be the worst it's like I forget all the hard work I have done to try and cope the day before xx