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Original poster

Play date never reciprocated

27 replies

Playdatequestions · 16/04/2025 18:02

Currently have 5 of dc friends over for a play date. All get on great and play in school as little group. This is maybe 4th time we have had round. All keen to come and not forced at all. Friendly ish with all parents, have socialised in pub etc on occasions.

we have never been invited round any of others with exception of large birthday parties. Just having tea and two quite happy chatting about how they are meeting up tomorrow.

i don’t want my dc to not have people over as genuinely think they are all good friends but seems off ish not to ever be included by others? Even rude?

what are thoughts on this,

OP posts:
Original poster
Playdatequestions · 16/04/2025 18:03

All have similar size houses, same number of siblings. I work full time, others do not.

OP posts:
BlondeMummyto1 · 16/04/2025 18:03

Are they using you for free childcare?

VikingLady · 16/04/2025 18:06

Not everyone can reciprocate play dates, although they should acknowledge and thank you for doing it!

We never can. My kids anxiety is through the roof if people come round. The cats get upset. The neighbours are dodgy as hell. But I always make sure people know that up front, and I offer to bring the food.

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Original poster
Playdatequestions · 16/04/2025 18:08

i don’t think so @BlondeMummyto1 as have other siblings.

@VikingLady i get that and respect your situation but in this case they are having play dates with each other!

surely if an issue with me/my dc then they would make excuses and not come to ours…

OP posts:
Oldmothershrubboard · 16/04/2025 18:09

You have 5 children that aren't your dc in your house. Bloody hell op. Not something I would want to do!

We try to reciprocate playdates but we work full time and weekends are full of clubs so it's tricky. Perhaps stop hosting for a while and see if you get some offers? Also maybe just take one child.

Maddy70 · 16/04/2025 18:16

I wouldn't have 5 either! Lots of people work from home it's not always possible to facilitate playdates

BlondeMummyto1 · 16/04/2025 18:17

I think it’s rude. Especially since others are meeting up.

Original poster
Playdatequestions · 16/04/2025 18:19

I’ve had five as have worked all Easter holidays until today and they are in a group at school. Three mums don’t work at all, one does. Is more the point that they have other play dates that is bothering me.

would t expect everyone to have 5 at a time but maybe have or include my dc when they plan others.

OP posts:
Tryingtohelp12 · 16/04/2025 18:23

I know my sons best friend at school mum has significant anxieties, he’s keen to go over but never been invited. I know his mum is a bit obsessive with the tidying so I’m sure that’s why she doesn’t want extra kids round and also I think she is self conscious that her house is small but that literally wouldn’t bother us 😂

Original poster
Playdatequestions · 16/04/2025 18:26

@Tryingtohelp12 i can appreciate all of those points and respect them. It would t bother me if I was the only one hosting, I’m bothered because I’m clearly not!

OP posts:
Tripleblue · 16/04/2025 18:34

Rude, selfish, self absorbed people that are not acting in the best interest of their child. Clearly they are facilitating playdates with some friends of their child but not others. In how many years of school if they'd wanted to do something they would have arranged it. These people are bullies, social climbers, narcissists and often quite mentally ill to be acting like this. Usually nothing you can do to change that, they'll continue to act irrationally and will continue manipulate and isolate their own kids.

Bbq1 · 16/04/2025 18:38

Why are the others meeting up though, Op? Are their mums friends or have those kids known each other a long time? It is awkward though when 2 of the kids are talking about meeting up whilst in your house and your child isn't included. Just stick with the invites. We were lucky as play dates were always reciprocated with my ds and he had friends in our road too that were aways in and out of our house and vice versa. I"m sure it will even out eventually and your ds has friends that want spend time with him.

BeckyWithTheGoodBear · 16/04/2025 18:38

I never keep score on playdates. I host them for the benefit of my children and always try and keep that in mind even when it's not reciprocated by other parents.

mindutopia · 16/04/2025 18:39

This might be hard to hear, but is it possible that the other children don’t want to have your child over?

My ds has a friend who always invites him over for a play date (in school holidays, he lives FT with his dad so is only around now during the holidays). He does want to go when I mention it, so I take him and say thank you profusely. But he always comes away saying he doesn’t like playing with him. To be honest, the kid is an absolute terror and on those grounds alone, I would not invite him over. But my ds isn’t really keen on him, so I just wouldn’t go out of my way to host him. I kinda kept it going for awhile to see if it was just a phase, but it wasn’t.

But I wouldn’t necessarily turn down a play date out of politeness. Especially if it’s a mum I would see around. I’ve given the one above the slow fade this past year and they no longer see each other.

Tripleblue · 16/04/2025 18:47

Op you'll have a hundred posters come here and tell you there must be a reason why they can't or there must be something wrong with you or your child but ultimately everyone knows these people are horrible selfish pxxxcks. Nice people don't do this entitlement and this control freakery.
They could have organised something outside of the house, there are lots of ways to reciprocate.
You don't need toxic people in your life. Just think what else they are probably doing if they are manipulating their own child's friendships and not supporting their child's friendship with your child. There must be a reason why they favour those others but it's never an excuse in those circumstances. It's just nasty selfish behaviour and probably the least bad thing you know they do, you've no idea what happens in the homes of people like that. Because people like that are isolating and making sure their own child misses out, consciously or not. There are usually severe head problems with people like that.
Endless women prioritise own friendships over those their kids make. It's very bad parenting.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 16/04/2025 18:50

I think that is very disappointing that they are organising meet ups without your child. Thoughtless. Hopefully your child will make more friends as time goes on or as they are older they can go out together without parents needing to be involved.

Eldermillennialmum · 16/04/2025 18:52

You have the kids over and not the parents?

The thing is there's no obligation for them to invite hour DC so if you aren't happy to do it on that basis then don't have them. It does sound like they are using you though!

NerrSnerr · 16/04/2025 18:59

Is it just the two out of the 5 meeting up tomorrow? I think that's fine- not everyone wants the chaos of having 6 kids

NerrSnerr · 16/04/2025 19:02

Posted too soon,

Is it just the two out of the 5 meeting up tomorrow? I think that's fine- not everyone wants the chaos of having 6 kids running around when the parents are trying to catch up. How old are the children? My son is now 8 and he now discusses with his best friends about whose turn it is to host and they do their best to alternate (although they do end up in one garden more than most as it's the most football friendly).

It tends to be that I host the most inside after school play dates as no one WFH in our house, another family do the most garden play dates and the final house does the most weekend ones.

hardhatready · 16/04/2025 19:21

I think they’re more likely to reciprocate if you do 1:1 play dates.
when you have a group over people think it doesn’t count for some reason!

VikingLady · 16/04/2025 19:28

Playdatequestions · 16/04/2025 18:08

i don’t think so @BlondeMummyto1 as have other siblings.

@VikingLady i get that and respect your situation but in this case they are having play dates with each other!

surely if an issue with me/my dc then they would make excuses and not come to ours…

Oh, ok! That’s just rude then.

I think I’d have to give up on tact and ask them “so what have me or my kids done that we’re not trusted in your home?”

VikingLady · 16/04/2025 19:30

Maybe they can’t be bothered. They know you’ll put in the work to maintain the connection for the kids so they don’t actually need to do anything themselves. Which is selfish, but some parents are arseholes.

coxesorangepippin · 16/04/2025 19:34

I had three over once (so five kids in total) and swore never again

They overstayed their welcome, and the parents stayed too

😳

I felt like I'd been in a blender afterwards

arcticpandas · 16/04/2025 20:29

Sounds really weird. Ar times I haven't been able to invite ds2 friends because ds1 going through rough patches (autistic). But I have always explained this and proposed to take the children to play park or softplay instead. It's very rude of the parents. The only reason I can think of is that they feel inferior to you /your house/standard of living. Or they're just lazy cf.

longdistanceclaraaa · 15/12/2025 22:08

Playdatequestions · 16/04/2025 18:26

@Tryingtohelp12 i can appreciate all of those points and respect them. It would t bother me if I was the only one hosting, I’m bothered because I’m clearly not!

Hi- I know this is an old thread but I am in a similar position with my 6 year old son and wonder how it has developed for your DC? I am hoping I am just worrying over nothing and it will sort itself in time but I can't shake the feeling of worry. I hate the thought of him desperate to be invited for a playdate and never on the receiving end of one. Thanks!