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To feel like I don't know myself

2 replies

ilovejam · 15/04/2025 21:22

Turning 30 next week and feel like I don't know who I am. I feel like so many people my age understand who they are and are so confident in who they are or what they stand for. I don't feel secure in myself.

Examples include:

  1. I met my husband when I was very young. Around 15. Although I have been exposed to many people in my lifetime and I do have a life outside of him. I feel like I don't know who I really am outside of him. I feel like if he leaves me, I won't know who the hell I am. It's like a part of my worth is defined by him. He is an amazing person by the way and not abuse at all.
  1. On the outside, I act like I have myself figured out, but I'm such a wreck on the inside. I have serious imposter syndrome. Always feeling like when are people going to find out what a fake I am
  1. I struggle with driving, I do drive. But not on busy roads. Which means most of the time either my husband is driving or whoever else is with me. Most of the time I'm driving either someone is with me. Im too old for this and I always see threads on here saying my husband left me out of the blue, should he do that tommorow, what's going to become of me if I'm so useless.
  1. I struggle to form an opinion on something,I'm always diplomatic or calculated. Always thinking that I must phrase my thoughts/ opinion to the person so well, out of fear that it will be used against me one day. I don't know if that makes sense
  1. I look at my kids and think, do they really love me? Do they think I'm a great person and do they think I'm going the best I can. So again, imposter syndrome in my parenting as well.
OP posts:
PoodlesRUs · 15/04/2025 21:45

How much of your youth did you spend people pleasing? How much now?

When you met your DH were you so keen to 'keep' him that you shaped yourself to what you/society thought a man would want?

Those are my first reactions but I could be way off base.

Why don't you go out and drive? It's scary but confidence and independence will come.

ilovejam · 16/04/2025 08:30

I don't know if I'm a people pleaser. Maybe I am and yes, I do feel like I " want to keep my husband" maybe out of fear of the unknown or esteem issues. I don't know, I just don't feel "grown"

OP posts:
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