abortion I can’t decide

[Lauren32xxx]

hello I have no friends and just feel like I need advice or something! I have 3 children 11,8,1 and just found out I’m 8 weeks pregnant, I didn’t want another baby, partner says abortion or he will leave me and the children. I’ve got the pills to take but i just don’t know if I can do it, but also don’t know if I can handle 4 children. We are currently in a 2 bed house, we both have 5 seater cars and saving to buy our own home, 18 month old is hard work and still not sleeping through the night we’ve tried everything and anything! Any advice?

Sorry your going through this but in all
honesty I wouldn’t pick a man over a child even if he was the hottest richest man in the world. I get if you weren’t in the right position to have another baby but you wanted one and this is your chance. Without sounding harsh lots of women bring children up 50/50 and if he really loved you he wouldn’t make you choose. Think of it that way x

It doesn’t sound like you’re in any real position to have another baby.
No support network, a partner who is threatening to leave and a house that’s too small for the kids you have.

Agree with the first poster completely. You have the pills but haven't taken them... I think that tells you everything.

I don't judge anyone who has an abortion but I just couldn't do it, I was in a similar situation 18 months ago and I decided I couldn't go through with taking the pills... I'm so glad I didn't. The thought of this little extra person not being here now breaks my heart.

I can't make your decision for you, but if you chose the abortion you could do so with a clear conscience. This is not a good situation to bring a new child into and it clearly wasn't planned.

Good luck with whatever you do.

Nobody can tell you what to do, but if I was in your shoes I would take the pills and focus on giving the children I already have the best possible life I could rather than stretching ourselves further as a family when you already have 5 people living in a 2 bed house, are saving to get on the ladder, and when a new baby would require a new car.

Honestly 3 children in a 2 bed and a partner who doesn’t want another and you didn’t want another. I wouldn’t have another.

Do whatever you can to ensure the best life possible for you 11, 8 and 1 year old. It sounds like your partner is not particularly loving towards you. How is he as a father?

Was going to say pretty much word for word what @Mrsttcno1 was going to say so won’t repeat it.

Deep down do you want another child? what’s making you hesitate because you did mention that you don’t want another child.

When you say your partner will leave you if you continue with the pregnancy seems quite unsupportive. It’s not a small decision you have to make!

I think I’d choose an abortion in this case.
How dare he say he’d leave you , you didn’t get yourself pregnant.
I’d get rid of him while you’re at it.
Hope things work out for you.

Your partner is right. 4 children in your current house, with no car to fit them isn't fair or responsible.

He doesn't want to be a father to four, your existing children will suffer, even more if you and your partner split over this..

I found myself in a situation where I was pregnant at a time that wasn’t right for us - first child and different things were a factor. We made the decision to keep the baby because I knew I couldn’t go through with an abortion. That’s my personal decision though and I have no judgement towards women who choose a different option.

In your shoes, I still don’t think I’d be able to have an abortion but I would seriously be rethinking your partner. What a horrible man he is! How soon are you likely to move? 4 kids in a 2-bed is massively overcrowded. How does it work currently?

If you do decide to stay with him, look at more permanent forms of contraception. My DH and I have 3 children and definitely don’t want any more so DH has had a vasectomy. This was non-negotiable for me or we would go down abstinence because I can’t face pregnancy again.

I was in your situation 4 years ago - pregnant with a surprise 4th pregnancy in a situation where my children would be negatively impacted by bringing another baby into the family. I took the pills and have never regretted my decision

Can you support 3/4 children on your own?

I am afraid I wouldn't trust my partner if he said abortion or I leave. It takes two to mess things up and two to work out a plan. Not one!

Honestly I would think the damage is done already. Your partner, the person who impregnated you is saying he will leave you unless you do what he wants. He says he will leave his kids, there is nothing worse than that, does he love or want them at all, he is looking for a way out already. If you have this abortion there is a good chance he will leave you anyway. Just bear that in mind.

Personally I wouldn't have an abortion for my own reasons. I think its very important to make this decision with your heart before your head because only you can do this.Whatever you do will be right for you, pls don't let regret in. You are in a very difficult situation with no easy answer.

There's no need for that.

11, 8 and 18 months. Gosh. I was on a similar situation - 12 year old, 1 year old..

I did get a termination as I didn't think I could give my 1 year old the best if went ahead with the pregnancy (or my 12 year old!). I don't regret, it wasn't an easy decision. But, that said - people do manage. They have to, and they get on with it.

I can't advise you, but I do wish you all the very best. I wouldn't consider your partner's threats. I'd be tempted to consider his bags packed quite honestly.

In your situation I'd take the pills as it would be the better outcome for your existing children in the circumstances. I don't say that lightly though.

Also have a think about your relationship - your partner threatening to leave you and the children over this is despicable. Presumably he was a willing participant in conceiving this child and was aware there was a potential chance of pregnancy even if you were using contraception? And if you stay together make sure he gets the snip if you really don't want any more DC in future - making accidents your responsibility is not OK.

Wishing you well OP whatever you decide

Take the pills.

I've been in your position before. No regrets.

Regret would be a lifetime of an absent father who clearly doesn't want this baby and you being on your own in a 2 bed house with 4 children.

I'm with Dontletmedownbruce. Word by word.
Good luck OP.

Sorry if that was too blunt. Soon the 11 year old will be a teen, needing their own room and space @expat321articulated much better than me

yes. “Is cruel” is ridiculous. Space isn’t everything.

Nope not an option I would take, happened us and I could never imagine my hubby having said if I have 4th which wasn't planned he would leave me. That's not love. Anyway we had the 4th and found a new house and 3 years on still happy as anything.

Regardless, for all that poster knows, parents could have a sofa bed in the living room. Baby with them.

2 bedrooms, 2 kids.

I doesn't matter the layout of OPs sleeping arrangements. Cruel and neglect are bang out of order.

Especially at such a time.

I'm sorry I couldn't hear you from the East Wing dahling. I was busy in the 5th ensuite looking for my dratted peasants.