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I really really don't want to live with DP

22 replies

Whitetruck · 15/04/2025 19:40

Does that mean I'm not that into him?

We have a good time together spend all of most weekends together and meet a couple of times in the week.

It's a good life, we're out and about or away all weekend, get on and have fun.

But, I have no involvement in his life admin, except, for example, when he can't find his glasses at mine (which happens too often!) and we have no shared responsibilities with regard to household chores or maintenance. We'll help each other out, if for example I needed a lift to get my car serviced, but organising it is all mine and vice versa.

Anyway that's a long winded way of saying, I like sharing the good bits without sharing the drudgery.

Also, we're quite mismatched financially. I live comfortably and drive a good car etc, he lives in a modest rented flat, within his means, which means he is able to pay his way when we're out (and wants to). However, if we had shared expenses, I'd be paying a higher share, which is as it should be, but I'm not sure how much I'd like it.

But maybe if I really liked him, none of this would matter?

OP posts:
FortyElephants · 15/04/2025 19:41

Why do you think you have to live with him?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/04/2025 19:41

How long have you been together? Will you be wanting kids etc or are you past all that?

Whitetruck · 15/04/2025 19:42

FortyElephants · 15/04/2025 19:41

Why do you think you have to live with him?

Oh I don't and I have no intention of doing so, it's just that often seems to be a natural progression.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Whitetruck · 15/04/2025 19:42

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/04/2025 19:41

How long have you been together? Will you be wanting kids etc or are you past all that?

Too old for kids. Coming up for a year.

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 15/04/2025 19:44

Sounds like you’re happy as you are, that’s great. Don’t feel like you have to move in together because society thinks it’s “the next step”. I can’t imagine living with a partner again.

OrangeAndPistachio · 15/04/2025 19:45

I agree with pps , you are fine as you are. Has he mentioned wanting to live together?

Whitetruck · 15/04/2025 19:46

OrangeAndPistachio · 15/04/2025 19:45

I agree with pps , you are fine as you are. Has he mentioned wanting to live together?

No, not at all. I think he likes it this way too. I like to worry about things before they happen 🤣

OP posts:
ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 15/04/2025 19:47

A relationship doesn’t need to progress anywhere, especially if there won’t be any children. You can just plod on for years and years as you are, if you’re both happy like that. That, to me, would be a very successful relationship actually, two happy people living exactly as they want to.

AnraithAgusCeapaireLeDoThoil · 15/04/2025 19:48

It's completely fine not to want to life with your dp. He doesn't seem to want to live with you either, so no problem here! Being honest, I bet a lot of people would do this if it was feasible financially, even people who've been married for years and have kids etc. Not me though...ahem...definitely not 😁

OrangeAndPistachio · 15/04/2025 19:50

That's great then op.

I see this a lot with older family members. One in particular is a widower and has a longterm partner , they've don't seem to have any Intention of living together but have lots of weekend breaks and seem like a very happy couple.

mambojambodothetango · 15/04/2025 19:50

My cousin in her 40s with a grown up DS has a long term boyfriend and they live separately. Her father can't understand it because he sees it as a financial benefit for them to pool their resources and believes they should marry. I think: she gets her own space most nights of the week, companionship when she wants it, no-one to look after... I said I thought it sounded great. Do what you want, not what you think you should do.

TomatoSandwiches · 15/04/2025 19:51

More relationships would last a lot longer if they didn't live together imo, it's far healthier for lots of people.
Stop borrowing trouble and enjoy your well balanced life.

MoominMai · 15/04/2025 19:54

OP, in answer to your original Q, no it doesn’t mean you’re not into him it just means that for now at least you’re enjoying both him and your own space and independence. This happened to me also where I was really enjoying the way we lived apart but saw and spoke to each other regularly either throughout the week or weekends dependant on his shift. Then he insisted on us moving in together and interpreted resistance as a rejection of him so that was that!

AnraithAgusCeapaireLeDoThoil · 15/04/2025 19:55

AnraithAgusCeapaireLeDoThoil · 15/04/2025 19:48

It's completely fine not to want to life with your dp. He doesn't seem to want to live with you either, so no problem here! Being honest, I bet a lot of people would do this if it was feasible financially, even people who've been married for years and have kids etc. Not me though...ahem...definitely not 😁

To live with*

FatLarrysBanned · 15/04/2025 20:03

Sounds like me and DP, but we're 5 years in. I'm 50 he's 45, both got our own places, have a few sleep overs a week. Help each other out, but Lordy I don't miss living with a man (married for 16 years previously). I often say I love it when he's here, and I love it when he goes. He has one drawer and some bits in the bathroom. Suits us both fine, we are very committed to each other and madly in love. Barely have a cross word. What's to argue over when you don't share finances/kids/in laws?

nooschmoo · 15/04/2025 20:18

I have been with my partner for 10 years. We don’t live together and have no intention of doing so. Just like you say-we have good weekends together, either mooching about or away, and visit each other a couple of times a week. He’s not involved with my finances or household chores, and vice versa. I love to starfish in my own bed 3 or 4 nights a week, and have peaceful evenings on my own a few nights a week. It absolutely works. It doesn’t mean we live each other any less for that.
caveat: we met in our 40’s & have no children together, although each have our own children (now all late teens)

nooschmoo · 15/04/2025 20:21

*love, not live 😌

PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt · 15/04/2025 20:23

I've been with my dp for 6 years and absolutely no intention of living together.

He stays over and helps me out with a lot of stuff, and maybe one day in the very distant future when my kids have all grown we will live together, but I'm more than happy at the minute.

It's not necessarily a natural progression, I think we have all been programmed to think that we date, then move in, then marry etc, and that's the way to be happy, but we are all individuals who want different things out of life.

gamerchick · 15/04/2025 20:27

You don't have to live with each other though. Not in this day and age. I know married couples who live apart. They love each other very much, but need their own space. It works very well for them.

I wouldn't live with a man again if god forbid I lose my husband. Sometimes you just want some time apart.

If it works then don't stress about it, just enjoy yourself.

TheMimsy · 15/04/2025 20:36

I’m 50, been with my chap for 10 years and we live separately as we both enjoy our space, I’m with him most weekends, we holiday together, spend a lot of summer in his camper van and have random days out mid week when we can (he’s retiring soon and I’m self employed so flexible with time ).

you don’t need to follow a prescribed path set out by societal expectations. Do what works for you.

carly2803 · 15/04/2025 20:55

why do you feel you HAVE to live together?

I would never live with another man, but date/have a relationship etc - i love lives separate
no more kids from me (so that "helps" - with the no living together makes it easier)

Live apart, keep it as it is and enjoy it. freedom and he enhances your life? perfect

CandyLeBonBon · 15/04/2025 20:59

Sounds like my relationship op. Been together nearly 7 years. No intention of living together! It’s great!

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