Lack of support from friend

[2025isavibe]

I've been diagnosed with IBS and after lots of tests, glad it's not something more sinister as bowel cancer runs in family and ive lost several close relatives, one at a young age. My friend knows this so I told her I was diagnosed with IBS and she sneered and said I've been fobbed off by my GP. I feel disappointed she's not being more supportive.

What do you mean she sneered? In what way. Why does she think you've been robbed off?

Like "ha, you've been fobbed off haven't you" she said that it's not a real diagnosis and they're saying that because they don't know what's wrong with me

It's a good thing that after tests you have been diagnosed a far less serious ailment than cancer.
Why does your friend think you have been fobbed off, that's an odd reaction.

I was relieved, to me it's good news because I can manage IBS.

So glad it’s not cancer, that must be a huge relief!

In defence of your (admittedly very clumsy) friend, IBS is considered an umbrella diagnosis when they haven’t bothered to investigate can’t find a cause. I was diagnosed with IBS for years which they eventually discovered was actually colitis. It’s well-known that patients will be fobbed off with an IBS diagnosis.

They've done all the blood tests and stool tests though including colitis. Should I be going back to the GP and demanding more?

What treatment have you been offered or directed to?

I think you need to work with your doctor on this, accept his diagnosis in the short term, and follow the suggested course of action.

If in 6 months there is no improvement, then would be time to request a review.

Pretty much everyone I know over 45 seems to have ibs. They’ve ruled out anything sinister so that’s good. Not sure how much sympathy should be shown by friend for ibs though.

Do they? I don’t know anyone with it, and I’m 50, and have at least 20 people of my age close enough to me that I’d know!

Have you had a colonoscopy? The NHS usually will only investigate if you make a nuisance of yourself because your symptoms are impacting your day to day life. If you’ve just had a bit of wind and constipation then it’s probably not worthwhile them doing more tests. If you’ve got intermittent sporadic diarrhoea and you’re in severe pain, weak or losing weight, they’ll be more likely to check.

The NHS is great for cancer testing but in my experience, once they rule out cancer they just say “Good news, it’s not cancer! Off you pop.” without trying to find the actual cause.

If all you’ve had is a calprotectin/FIT test I’d recommend asking for more tests to rule out Crohn’s/colitis/coeliac/diverticular disease etc.

Yes, which investigations have you actually had?

I've had months of pain and other unpleasant symptoms, she's aware of that and she knows I was worried because of my family bowel cancer history. I support her a lot and I expected more than a sneer.

I wonder if maybe you're misunderstanding each other.

Perhaps she thought you weren't happy accepting that diagnosis and wanted more tests.

So her sneer was meant for the doctors, not you, and she thought she was being nice/ supportive agreeing with you that the doctor was fobbing you off.

If she's generally a good friend I would put it down to that. If she's often dismissive of you then she probably didn't mean it nicely and it might be time to reassess the friendship.

Anyway, I'm glad you don't have cancer and I hope you can get some help with your IBS now you have a diagnosis.

OP, do the Dr's know of your family history?