Potty training hell

[LokeyCokey]

Feel like I’m slowing losing my mind trying to potty train my 3 year old. Been trying to get him used to it gradually by using pull ups that are meant to feel wet but got to the stage where he was just treating them like nappies. He’s not too bad at pooing on the toilet but wee is the struggle.

Currently using the fabric pants that do absorb the worst of it and it’s working better as he now knows that he’s wee’d. I’m sitting him on the toilet every 20-30 mins but he always manages to go in between! 😭

He has done 10 wees so far today (none on the toilet) and it’s only 3.30… worried that’s more than normal, he’s not drinking excessively.

When my DD was ready she cracked it in less than a week at 2.5 years so as DS is approaching 3.5 years I feel like we’re failing him!

Can you get a toddler step and have him aiming to wee? Much easier ime.
(8 ds's)..

We are struggling too. Dh found that if he makes DD sit on potty as routine, she goes. So "going out wee", getting up wee, getting home wee, before bed wee etc. That's minimising accidents.

I may try a toilet seat/loo thing too.

As he's a boy, maybe ask your DH to teach him standing up. That would make it more interesting 😂

Good luck!

Are they big wees? If not, it's probably a normal amount. It's just that he's still treating the pants like nappies and when children are wearing nappies they can just let little bits of wee out whenever they like, rather than consolidating it all into one big wee.

You are actually (as strange as it sounds) putting him on too often. He isn't getting to used to the feeling of needing a wee. Leave it a couple of weeks and then start over

I actually check to see if I'd written this, it's exactly what my second has been like. We started a week or so after his 3rd birthday but gave up on day 2 or so. Just not getting it, would sit on the loo and say he didn't need, then have an accident in another room a few minutes later, and not a small accident, like a full wee. It was probably a bad time to try, my parents were staying and the kids were hyper so we put him back in pull ups. Not training ones, just pull on nappy type ones. We were trying to do it during the holidays so he'd get more time to get it before returning to nursery.

We tried again maybe 2.5 months later. He got it better this time, but it took several weeks of accidents to get a day without an accident at all. He was worse at nursery, maybe 8 weeks before he had a dry day there, but its a busy big nursery but he did better when he got a different keyworker who reminded him more. Hopefully he's got it now though. He still wears a pull up to bed of course, and still has accidents maybe 3-4 times a week.

It's been a surprise as DS1 had an awful first 3 days, then something clicked and he did much better till he had dry days onwards from around 2 weeks onwards

Edited to add He's 3yr 4 months now btw

Standing up might be worth a try…

@BarnacleBeasley a mixture of big and small so what you’re saying makes sense. I’m trying him naked from waist down to see if that helps…

@Spirallingdownwards possibly, I was taking the opportunity of being off work to put in some dedicated time on it so waiting a few weeks isn’t ideal as he’s at nursery most of the week, so this was my chance. Was sort of trying the potty train in 3 days method but with the benefit (well hoped benefit! 🤪) of him having already been practicing!

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee I think it’s worse having an older one to compare to, once done DD never really had accidents so maybe I need to accept he’ll get there but more slowly!

Currently undergoing the same pain , also with an almost 3.5 yo 🤦‍♀️
mine has started to wee mainly only in the potty but will still secretly poo his pants and tell nobody
standing up is worse!! When he stands it goes side to side and straight down into his trousers at the end 🤣

We had quite a few abortive attempts with DS until we finally managed it at 3y3m.

I remember on the first day of successful potty training I watched him like a hawk for two hours, putting him on the potty regularly, and he didn't pee. In the end I made him sit there and let him watch Fireman Sam on my phone until he eventually peed. Cue much jumping and dancing for joy, and some Smarties as a reward. He liked the Smarties so much he then did seven tiny little pees in the space of 20 minutes and demanded more Smarties each time. It did teach him what the potty was for though.

I can't remember how long he used the potty but he moved to using the big toilet very quickly, within a couple of weeks I think. We got one of those toilet seats with steps and he will sit down and pee if he also thinks he might need to poo, otherwise he'll pee standing up every time.

Since your son is also 3 I reckon you might have more luck going straight to the big toilet and having him pee standing up from the outset.

In the end DS cracked peeing within about 3 days and then went back to nursery. Poos took longer and I would say he was having one accident per day for about a month until he finally decided to poo in the toilet at nursery. He's been day trained for about 10 months now and very very rarely has an accident.

He generally only needs to poo once a day in the evening, so we have quite an easy routine of putting him on the toilet after dinner and before bath. He'll sit there with a book and has to be prised off and made to go for his bath. Otherwise, I only try to make him go before swimming.

Giving him a book when he sits on the potty or toilet has been a game changer for us. That and the Smarties.

I was in a similar position, except my son was 2.5 when we started. It took almost a year to be reliable. My daughter cracked it at 2 yo in less than a week so I felt really confident my son would be the same 😒. I honestly tried everything and I’ve no idea what worked, just one day he wasn’t wetting his pants anymore. Potty training my son almost broke me 🤣. We got one of those kids urinal things off Amazon which was quite good.

You are not failing him, OP. I was absolutely obsessed with helping my son, so it wasn’t due to my lack of trying. He just didn’t care about the feel of wee in his pants. My daughter couldn’t stand feeling wet and I think this is why the whole process was so quick. Good luck my luv x

Thank you so much for all the positivity we’ve turned a corner today. It seems naked is working, no accidents so far and asking for wee and poo so obviously more aware of his body. Main issue now is if I put pants on he must think they are nappies so he will wee in them! 🤦‍♀️ staying naked for now as much as possible but might be an issue when he’s back at nursery next week! 😬🤪

Hurrah! Well done! Our experience was that once DS1 had started doing bigger wees, he never went back to little dribbles here and there. Of course that did mean that all the accidents were BIG accidents, though! We also found that once we put leggings back on him he had a few accidents the first day before he got the hang of that - but at that point he was not happy about the wetness so was quite motivated to use the toilet. However, I'd build in some practice with trousers on before he goes back to nursery. We did leggings but no pants for quite a while actually - will your nursery allow that?