When to tell children about death of grandparent?

[RoosterPotato]

My father just died unexpectedly. We’re currently at the tail end of a 3 week holiday to the other side of the world. We’re meant to be returning on Saturday and have looked at changing flights but none are available.

I have two children (aged 6 and 9). Should I tell them now or wait until we’re back? So far I’ve said I’m not feeling well to explain my tears. I’m in a spin and can’t see the right thing to do.

Sorry for your loss.

For them NOW as they are at the age where they don't really think about it especially if they knew someone else or had a pet who has died. Also if your father was over 70 they will just think he died old.

It's more sad for you than them as he was your father and they are actually one big step removed from it. So if YOU can't cope until you get home and have more support then wait until you get home.

I would tell them now.
Otherwise the odds are they will overhear something and be very confused as to why you haven't. Telling them now means you can be honest and considered about the wording they hear.

I'm sorry for your loss @RoosterPotato . Sad at any time, but it must be horrible being so far away and not able to be there with the rest of your family.

Sorry for your loss, what a terrible shock.

I think it depends a bit on how close they were to him, how often did they see him? And what kind of holiday are you on? Are you worried that it will spoil it for them?

My gut instinct is to tell them. They aren’t toddlers and will definitely realise your mood over the next few days is more serious than slightly unwell. Hopefully you can comfort each other while you are away from home and not in your daily routine, while you adjust to this sad news.

I'd tell them now. Then you can be honest to them about why you are feeling sad - and they see it's completely normal to be sad and show your emotions when someone dies.

They probably won't be anywhere near as sad as you are, because he isn't their parent, they don't fully understand death and it's all a bit unreal while you are on holiday on the other side of the world.

But it will give you the opportunity to step out of being incredibly excited about being on holiday and just be with your emotions/phone family back home.

I would tell them.

Children can be very matter-of-fact about things, so they will likely not be as upset as you are expecting.

Sorry for your loss.

I'd also tell them now. They have none of the emotional 'baggage' that you have. They won't really understand, however it will explain why mummy is very sad. It would be worse if they over heard it.

I'm very sorry your father is dead and I hope you have supportive partner to support you. Be kind to yourself.

So sorry for your loss 💐 I don’t think there is a right or wrong in this situation, I think either way will be fine. If you would rather they know now so you don’t have the stress of pretending not to be upset then do that. If you feel you need a bit more time to process things before managing their grief and questions too, then kids that age are easily distracted and you can probably manage to keep it from them until you get home.

I'm so sorry for your loss, made all the harder when you are so far away. I think if you're having trouble masking your feelings (and who could blame you?) then the truth is the only way to go. It won't ruin their trip, but it will give them context for why you may be quiet, out of sorts, etc.

I remember my mother being devastated when her father died - I was also nine - and we weren't on the other side of the world but we were the wrong side of the Severn Crossing. I remember giving her the biggest hug and making her cups of tea - it made me feel useful in an adult situation I couldn't quite navigate. If you give them the tools to understand then you are all on the same page at least.

But as someone else said earlier - there's no right or wrong - and you know your own children and their capacity to deal with this kind of information. Take lots of care and again I am so sorry for your loss.

Please tell them now. They will cope.

My mum didn't tell me immediately about the death of a grandparent when I was around the same age as your older child. She was trying to protect me but I was actually really upset that she hadn't just told me. Not rational, perhaps, but I felt like an idiot for not knowing.

I'm very sorry for your loss, but the way.

If they were older, I’d say you should definitely tell them straight away. Likewise, if you could cut the holiday short and go home, I would do that.

Given their ages and that you can’t go home, I think it just depends how you will handle your grief. Personally, I’m someone who can compartmentalise a bit and so holding on to “save” the holiday would be manageable for me and what I’d do. But if you’re going to be visibly sad and struggle for the next few days (which is totally understandable and probably the more common response), I think it’s best to tell them.

Sorry for your sad news. I lost my dad too. Telling children is such a big worry hanging over you. Say it without delay, expect tears, questions and flush of feelings but better once you said it.
mine are a couple of year older but my 9 year old was most upset about changes in my behaviour & scared seeing me sad & got separation anxiety but it got better. There is no avoiding the saddness
you have to feel all the feelings!
be kind to yourself.

I would always suggest telling children the truth. They know you are upset, please explain why.

My son was 8 when DGP died. Honesty is the best policy - this was the advice

Please just tell them - I’m so sorry for your loss.