SH scars + DD(8)s friend

[cannedup]

I have a lot of self harm scars all over my thighs. They’re all 10+ years old so mostly faded to white but are raised and very obvious.

Will be taking dd(8) + friend away during the summer where I would be like to be in a swimming costume + shorts.

If you were friends parents what would you like/ expect me to do here?

What was your reasoning behind telling your daughter they are self harm scars?

As pp said.. I hope you are well now 💜

it’s obviously happened slowly and in and age appropriate way when she no longer becomes satisfied with the old answer and asked more questions.

I guess I think knowledge is power, I’d rather she had the full information and knows she can talk to me about than be on her own thinking or worrying about it but feeling she can’t talk to me as I didn’t tell her when she asked.

I can see how it’s completely difference with someone else’s child though and not my place.

I also have self harm scars in my legs and arms. They’re v old and faded but still visible. My kids haven’t really asked much about them yet (5 & 9) but I’m ready to have a conversation with my eldest at some point about it.

IRT other people’s children, I agree that less is more because people will a huge variety of opinions on this, and some may have little to no experience of talking about MH.

When my kids have asked about my scars my response has generally been “those are scars, they happen sometimes after cuts or scrapes heal - it’s what is left after a scan comes away. Our bodies get all sorts of bumps along the way.”

So far that’s sufficed. If a kids friend pushed for more info I’d just redirect and mention it to the parents if need be.

I think this is probably too much information at that age. I probably wouldn’t be happy with that response. I’d prefer something more vague, just saying you were unwell, rather than it being drawn to as self harm.

That said, if it were me I’d say I was attacked by a lion, just to see their response!

Definitely just say they are scars from when you were unwell. When I was little I wasn't actually aware that people hurt and scarred themselves - and I don't think it's your place to tell her that for the first time.

They could easily be from an injury, from a medical procedure, from any type of illness really. It's not wrong because it was from an illness, but you're not introducing her to the idea of self harm for the first time - which many parents might not be happy with/ might want to do themselves with their child

I have very noticeable self harm scars all over my body and have had friends children ask about them, I usually just say that they’re scars from when I was poorly, but they’re healed now. It’s unusual a child has asked any more than that to be honest and I know you think they’re obviously self harm scars but they won’t be as obvious to everybody as you think, I have had adults ask me about my obvious scars and even when I’ve alluded in what I thought was a very obvious way to them being self harm scars some haven’t got it until I spelt it out bluntly. I’ve also had adulys ask things like if I was in a car accident or house fire even though to me my scars from cutting are obviously just that. So honestly I don’t think most primary aged children are going to see the scars and think they’re obviously self harm even if to you they are, I don’t think hurting yourself and leaving a scars is something a child even considers as a possibility. It’s fine to just give a simple answer that you were unwell and in the unlikely event the child does ask more it’s also fine to say that you don’t like to talk about being poorly because it’s not a nice memory and change the subject without giving more details.

No it doesn't suggest that I promise. I have some big scars from cancer surgery and this description perfectly covers this situation too. I've never been asked about my very visible scars though. They are no one's business but yours and you don't owe anyone an explanation.

Get some suntan lotion with tanning effect.

Don’t answer any questions just say it was an accident.

Just say it was something that happened when you were younger, in the very unlikely event that they ask.
I work in children's mental health and talking about methods of harm with young children is something that is really not recommended at all.
If they go home and ask their parent, their parent will surely just say that they don't know and it's your private business.

I have self harm scars kn my arms and legs. Last summer they were quite new and my daughters friend (7 at the time) asked and I said very similar about poorly but better. She persisted but in a really kind caring way so I said I had itchy skin and had scratched myself. Tjat answer was enough for her (at that age) .
What I'm trying to say is that smart off with tje are minimum and only add on if they question more.
Hope you're ok know and have a lovely holiday