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Poll: Who asks for assistance or engagement in small things in your relationship?

4 replies

VexedOfKin · 14/04/2025 17:21

I feel DP asks me where things are, or enrols me in minor undertakings, much more frequently than I ask the same kinds of things of him. Like much more often, several times a day. Irrespective of what I'm doing at the time.

Typical examples:

"Have you seen my glasses?"

"I'm popping to the shops. Can you just get the rice on and get the veggies prepped while I'm out?" (while he's preparing the main part of the meal)

"Can you take a look at this email I'm about to send to X?"

On their own, these requests don't seem like much but they punctuate my day. Obviously, I can -and do- tell him to sort himself out if I'm busy but I wish he'd filter a bit before chirping from another room: "Heeey, have you seen the forecast for this afternoon?".

I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I've asked him similar things since the start of the year. I just don't need to, and I don't think DP strictly needs to either, it's just a habit, a kind of relational filler. I feel perhaps I should feel kinder about it as it's maybe a kind of contact seeking.

We're having time off during the DC's holidays and it's starting to grate, so I've made a poll: Does your partner or spouse ask you where things are or engage you in inconsequential 'projects' more than you ask similar things of them or are you fairly equal in this regard?

OP posts:
whatdidkatydo · 14/04/2025 17:34

Mine drives me nuts. ‘Where is xyz?’ Before he’s even bothered looking for it.
‘can I do anything for tea?’ ‘Yes, can you do xyz whilst I sort the washing?’ Come back to nothing done ‘well I didn’t know if you meant xyz or zyx’

this has got really bad recently, if I died Christ knows how he’d survive.

redannie18 · 14/04/2025 17:37

I hate the dinner thing. Either take on the whole task or don’t. Don’t say you’ll do dinner then pass off all the “easy” tasks to me while you cook the meat. Just pass me a whole plate of food that i’ve had absolutely no hand in planning, shopping for or cooking.

VexedOfKin · 14/04/2025 18:29

@whatdidkatydo Yes, it's the feeling that perhaps DP hasn't even bothered to look that hard...

In DP's case, I don't think it's the innocently deliberate incompetence of 'xyz' or 'zyx', more a kind of 'Hey, here we are, both having a little think about the whereabouts of my wallet. Nice." Like is some sort of cosy togethery passtime.

OP posts:
VexedOfKin · 14/04/2025 18:34

@redannie18 Yes, I just wouldn't routinely presume that someone else is prepared to skivvy, however lightly.

OP posts:
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