Did an experiment and asked for a Clarified and Punctuated Version from Chat GPT. Wonder if it's accurate...
My apologies for such a long post. I have two sons, one aged 33 and the other 38. While they were growing up, I had a good relationship with both of them.
At 32, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It came and went over the course of ten years. I tried to shield them from it, and because I felt guilty about the impact it had on their childhood, I showered them with material things. As a result, they grew up quite spoiled. That said, I never had any trouble with them—no issues at school, no involvement with the police, no alcohol problems. If they ever got up to anything, we never knew about it.
They both left school and got jobs. My eldest entered into a relationship and had two children. I have a great relationship with my grandchildren and my daughter-in-law. That side of things is good.
The issue is with my youngest son. He’s had numerous relationships, all with women I got along with. Eventually, he settled down with a partner and had a son. At first, the relationship was good, but after the baby was born, things deteriorated. His partner became extremely possessive. Her family had full access to the baby—cuddling, feeding, etc.—while I was left sitting there like a lemon. I was criticized for things like not washing my hands or not taking off my shoes, even though I was never asked to. I felt like I couldn't do anything right.
Eventually, we had a row and didn’t speak for over a year. I had no contact with any of them. We started speaking again, but the relationship remained strained. Then came another row, this time involving his son and my youngest grandson. Again, we didn’t speak for another year.
About six years ago, he split up with his partner, came back home, and I was able to see my grandson again. Things were better than ever between him and his ex. Then, five years ago, he moved out and started arguing again—this time with both his dad and me. He even tried to cut contact between us and his son, but his ex wouldn’t allow it.
Four years ago, he moved in with a new girlfriend. That relationship was fraught because she was jealous of the bond I had with his ex. Their relationship was volatile, and he would often confide in me. She said some truly horrible things about me, his father, and even his son. Some of it was unforgivable. Maybe he told us too much.
Two years ago, my husband refused to let his girlfriend into our home due to what she had said. My son wanted to move on and have her accepted again, but my husband stood firm. This led to another argument, and my son said some awful things to me—though not to his father.
Since then, we’ve had no contact for two years. He speaks to his dad occasionally—they’ve even stood outside chatting—but he refuses to come in, even though I’ve invited him.
We’ve heard through the grapevine that he’s angry I now have a good relationship with his ex-partner. About six months ago, he had a row with his current girlfriend and stopped seeing his son—but that was his choice.
So now we’re at a standstill. He doesn’t speak to me, which breaks my heart, though he talks to his dad. His girlfriend doesn’t like either of us. Watching his new lifestyle, I feel like we no longer “fit in.” Her parents are younger and party with them, while we are older and quieter. I feel he’s ashamed of us—our modest house, our outdated furniture—and that we’re just not “their kind of people.” That may just be my perception, but it hurts.
I want to make amends, but I don’t know how—especially since I know he’ll bring up my relationship with his ex, which he dislikes. Honestly, I’ve realized it’s a control issue: if he can’t control things, he cuts people off. I don’t know how to approach him again.
The other problem is his girlfriend. She won’t be happy if we reconnect. I’ve also noticed that he has no backbone when it comes to the women in his life. He agreed with his ex, whether she was right or wrong, and now does the same with his current girlfriend.
Where do I go from here? I love him dearly. My husband says, “Leave it—if he wants to come back, he will.” But I see no end in sight. His aunt believes I’ll just end up hurt again if I try. I feel stuck on this emotional roller coaster. Please help. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
Summary:
You’re a mother of two sons. You had a good relationship with both growing up, but after battling breast cancer and trying to protect them from it, you may have overcompensated materially. Your eldest son is doing well and you’re close with him, his partner, and their children. Your youngest son, however, has had a series of rocky relationships.
You’ve had a tumultuous relationship with him, marked by repeated fallouts—especially after he had a child with a possessive partner, and later with a new girlfriend who is hostile toward you. He has distanced himself repeatedly, especially when he feels he can’t control the situation. He currently refuses to speak to you, though he speaks to his father. You feel pushed aside, unwelcome in his life, and unsure how to reconcile, especially since his current girlfriend doesn’t support that. You deeply miss him, but you’re afraid of being hurt again.