I get stuck on a loop with conversation

[whatisforteamum]

Repeating myself a fair bit.
Colleague mentioned I've asked the same question before when I asked something on t break.
Tbh they are younger than my dcs so not tonnes in common tbh.
Maybe someone so ancient annoys them
I recognise that many years spent at work and severe anxiety has left me with small solitary interests.
I've barely travelled due to my issues hardly gone out much due to working every evening and weekend..
I can't remember everything I've ever asked anyone.
Is it too late to learn new social skills at almost 60 ?
Or should I just carry on boring the pants off people.

By your description its entirely possible that your colleague is just rude. Work is repetitive and anyone can forget what they've asked sometimes. Of course you can learn new skills but don't assume you're boring because of an interaction with one.

Could you ask yourself if this is a pattern, generally? Do other people treat you similarly? If so, there may be something in it. I suspect your confidence has taken a nosedive and you're self-perception is probably skewed. Self-compassion might be a good start to help you reconnect yourself and figure out what you want to do. We all have value, whether we realise it or not and maybe you're still unlocking what that means for you.

You don’t sound like you are
doing anything wrong. Your colleague is just rude.

You should have replied to the colleague "oh sorry, your reply must have been so boring the first time that I forgot what you said".

Sounds like they're the problem.

It was personal about their name.
I may have asked before or others may have.
I thought I was being friendly.Others have said before I'm boring as I do struggle with large crowds and have had panic attacks in the past.

Do you enjoy the chat or do you do it to fill the silence? You’re allowed to be quiet (and boring!) if you’d like to be, it’s not your responsibility to entertain people.

In that case it might be that everyone asks the same question & she’s sick of it, in which case it’s not personal.

I think your colleague may be rude (either deliberately or unintentionally?)

I had this conversation with someone at work today:
Her: Any plans for the Easter break?
Me: Yes! I'm really looking forward to blah blah blah... How about you?
Her: We're doing blah blah. How about you? Any plans?

😂

I answered politely (again), and the conversation moved on. I did not point out that she had made a small error in this social interaction because that would have made her feel silly or uncomfortable. The purpose of the conversation was to Have A Pleasant Interaction, not to efficiently gather holiday data.

Edit: Hmm... maybe be careful asking personal questions about names. Stick to more general topics if you're just making smalltalk with a colleague.

Thecatislying 🤣🤣
My cats lie mostly about having had dreamies.!!

I had two conversations with friends today. We are all in our 60s. One told me a big story about her sil going into hospital. She already told me all that last week but l didn't say that as its obviously on her mind a lot. My other friend asked me questions about my daughters wedding that she already asked me on our last call but hey ho who cares. I love both of them and appreciate their friendship. I would never say you told me that already. Its so rude so they may be the ones who have no social skills. I do say that to my husband though as l am not a total Saint!!

It turns out colleague in question has been previously bullied possibly about their name.
I didn't know that.

Are you genuinely interested when you ask people things or do you ask because you are struggling to make small talk/ fill a silence?

I find small talk goes in one ear and out the other, especially if I'm multitasking*. I try to make myself give them my full attention and repeat something back to make it stick.

*It doesn't if I am genuinely interested in/ attracted to the other person but there's only a handful of people in my inner circle who I am invested in in that way.

Some people are genuinely curious and interested in other people, love meeting new people etc - I'm not.

I think not asking about people’s names is always the safest option. Similar to not asking about accents.

Based on your update it’s likely the colleague was being sensitive. Or could be a rude person. But it’s totally normal not to remember everything you have asked everyone. And also normal to have developed familiar topics to discuss.

I love learning about new people and I also fill the silence which I'm working quite hard to stop.
I don't want to be seen as batshit crazy and I'm aware others are much more introvert than myself.
I do think it's important to speak to everyone in a team as my last place decided not to say good morning or goodbye to me and it was the most awful thing I've ever had in the workplace.

Well I got diagnosed with hyperactive impulsive ADHD.
Explains alot.