How do I get toxic people out of my head?

[MatrhewWilliamson]

I’ve been low contact with my blood family for specific reasons. I’m now in a situation where I have to have contact with them. My DH has been a supporter and champion of them until recent events have shown him what they are capable of and now he never wants to see them again. For context, I have legally provable facts so the events I have mentioned are not my personal opinion or anecdotes. I’m saying this now so that I don’t drip feed later.

But these people are living rent free in my head and making me miserable. I know the line is to get revenge by living your best life but, as I said, they intrude into my thoughts and cloud my own thoughts.

Has anyone got any good tips to detox my head? How do you get people out of your thoughts? I’ve tried to think more positively but it isn’t working.

Remember they are the construct of their environment.

They may have mal adaptive tendencies.

You cannot control them or fix them and it's not your job to do that.

Grey rock people.

Thanks for your quick reply. Yes, I now realise they have issues and I try grey rocking whenever I can. But it’s the mulling over and dwelling on what they have (and haven’t done) that is upsetting me.

You'd probably find therapy helpful. You could also keep a journal and write down your thoughts. Mindfulness might also help.

I think what you are doing here is really important you are recognising that no matter how toxic the people are in your family you have a right to peace and only you can give yourself that.

I think that is the absolute crux of healing recognising that people with toxic behaviours have as much right to exist as you have and because of their nature/nature they will be toxic therefore it is your responsibility to protect your peace from their behaviour. Same as you protect yourself at wild animals in the zoo due to their nature.

They have literally adapted into being toxic and usually the reasons for that are very complex.

I have this in my family and I’ve had to accept that and I watch another family member fight that reality every day to her detriment where she tries to fix other people’s failings.

I’m not being glib, I grey rock my family but they used to be in my head a lot. Since starting an antidepressant they are there far far less. It took about 3 weeks and the slightly intrusive presences were all but gone.

Thanks for the replies. I’m taking on board what you’re saying. I have tried therapy and it certainly helped to de-escalate my thoughts but the undercurrent is still there.