Always an extra “job”

[SparklyBrickViper]

Wondering if this is the norm in everyone’s life and if I’m just overthinking?

I can’t seem to leave my home without always picking up an extra chore. For example yesterday, popped out for a coffee and to a shop to pick up something quite specific. As I picked my bag up “where are you going. Ok. Can you also call into Tesco and pick up XYZ?”.

Last week “as your going out can you get some new spare keys cut”.

“As your on the way back from your appointment can you pick up a prescription for me?”. Which actually meant, stopping off, finding parking, queuing in the Pharmacy etc - an extra 15/20 mins to the half an hour I was out for.

Most of the time I have very little time to get things done anyway and am always rushing about, so the extra ten mins just adds to the rushing.

I work full time, hybrid with long commute, in a stressful role. Caring responsibility for three adults with various health conditions.
I’ve got a lot on my plate, but feels like I’m being selfish to just occasionally just go out and do what I need to do/plan to without always the add ons.

Who gives you these jobs? Can’t you just say no?

I’m allergic to this stuff after an ex who always had a job for me to do. Luckily my current DP would never want to put me out so only asks if I’m definitely going to be right in the place to get the thing - and also has no issue with me saying no for any reason. It just makes you feel so burdened all the time. No problem with helping out people in the family at all, and in fact I get joy out of helping where I can, it’s the weight of expectation that grinds you down.

@AtomicBlondeRose thats exactly how I’m feeling! Thank you for articulating it. Since November I’ve been really feeling downbeat and things that normally wouldn’t bother me are really hitting hard.

@Candleabra various people. When I drop dinner for my grandmother (which I do during my lunch break), I tell her I’m only dropping dinner and need to get back but there’s a letter or something that needs doing. My parents, “can you sort out my iPad whilst you’re here”, when I’m dropping off something quite specific shopping. My DH. It’s a list and it’s endless.

Yes that’s hard. But people only ask because you’re reliable and do what they want. They probably haven’t even considered your feelings. What happens if you say you can’t do the job today?

What happens if you say no?
Have you ever said no?

No, but I’m absolutely of my word. If I’m on work mode, I’m on work mode. If I’ve used my lunchbreak to deliver someone something, that is all I am able to fit. My job isn’t some kind of ‘filler’ just because I have a vagina and am helping out.

I do say no and there’s general huffing and puffing.

Also generally I’m too “rigid” or controlling when I explain I don’t have 10 mins or whatever.

I think at the moment it’s just the feeling of not being able to do anything without there being an add on that’s grinding me down.
I feel as if I need to rush out or away before I get asked - which is pathetic and sad.

Yes, the 'you're controlling' line that comes out whenever a woman tries to put some boundaries around her time. I have started to say, 'What, you mean I'm controlling about how I spend my own time? [also insert 'energy' or 'money' or 'space' here]. Yes, I am.'

You’re too nice. Don’t tell people what you’re doing all the time. You need time for yourself as you seem to have so many demands.

Its always fun to flip it on them and see how they like it :)

Sorry gran, have to rush off to the office but since you're at home today would you mind getting hold of mum and sorting out who's doing what for easter lunch?

Sorry mum, Im useless with tech but Ive been meaning to ask you to get in touch with gran and get her letters sorted - thanks so much!

Sorry DH, wont be going anywhere near the chemist but now that you mention it i need soap and painkillers so when you go to to fill in your prescription would you mind adding those to the list? Thanks a million, see you later!

That’s not controlling.
tell them to look the word up in a dictionary
stop dropping off dinners for a few weeks.
stop helping parents with their it fir a few weeks
drop the rope - let them miss you
you are not their skivvy / slave.
are you doing it for validation?
look you are good enough

tell them:
That doesn’t work for me
rinse and repeat.

I’m not doing it for validation I can assure you.

Mother recovering from Cancer, DH has MS, Grandmother is 90. I assume none of them realise that their “5min job” is on top of everyone else’s, so don’t think it’s malice.
Up until recently it’s not been an issue - I just get on with things but now it’s draining.

Well in that case I can completely understand why they ask you - think anyone would in their position, they ‘need’ help.
my elderly neighbour is the same.
last week I was ill in bed when she rang for help- I had to decline.
you can not pour from an empty cup
is there no one else who could share the load?