I can’t keep up with it all

[Timepoorandpoor]

Long. Sorry. It’s just everything in my head about to pour out here.

I’m lucky in as much as I work term time only, however I am a single parent to three (10/13/16) and the children don’t see the other parent (which is not the point here)

Anyway, I can’t keep up. I’m knackered with work (35 hours), transport to clubs, doing the driving, housework, shopping, all the parenting, then when it gets to the holidays I’m trying to catch up on everything else (example this week I’ve needed to take them clothes shopping, get work done on the car, will be getting the car MOT’d this week, I need to repair two punctured bikes so they can ride the bikes, the garden needs cutting, I’ve got people coming to do quotes for work etc) not only that I am not a massively high earner so it’s hard to pay to outsource things, like cleaners etc.

I’m sat here right now with my head spinning. The kids want to do stuff as a family, but I’ve so much needs sorting out. There’s no let up at all. I frantically use every holiday to get shit done that I can’t do any other time.

Some of it is my issue, I probably set too high standards for myself and I feel because it’s only me I need to be both mum and dad and make up the shortfall.

I don’t sleep well anyway, and even less in the holidays because my head is at 100mph with what I need to use this time for.

Everything always goes wrong. Day 3 of the holidays and I had an issue with something here that has required shelling out for repair, the car was meant to be straightforward, but it wasn’t, it’s cost more after something was found, so that also needs sorting, and because there’s only me here I can’t turn to another adult and say “right I’ll sort the plumber, you take the car to the garage” I have to do both and mentally and physically it’s becoming really hard.

Im also at risk of redundancy. In between everything else I'm frantically looking for new jobs and worrying about how UC will make me jump through so many hoops to get the money if I have no job, plus obviously the financial burdens I actually have (I also have a mortgage) and the fact that (for various reasons) I also carry the financial burden for the children.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for. Maybe some solidarity, I don’t know. All I do know is the sun is shining, my list is long, my head is pounding and I just don’t seem to get time to enjoy anything.

Also to add DC (10) I believe to have PDA tendencies, so everything is very hard, a lot of meltdowns and defiance which is also hard to cope with.
Simple tasks like bed can take a very long time, with all the refusals

Oh my word, you do have a lot on your plate. All these things will pass.

Have some and and some for later.

Mine are all adults now, so not much advice but I'd get them a puncture repair kit, and tell them to YouTube videos.

The older 2 could cut the grass.

Also get them to help around the house, doing the dishes etc the older 2 could cook a meal, the younger one make a picnic?

Honestly, give yourself a break and get them to help more. Tell then that the quicker everything is done the more time you can spend together.

10/13/16 - they can all do chores including cutting the grass. Make sure they keep all their belongings tidy and put stuff away. Lower your standards as regards cleaning, washing and ironing. The 16 yr old can cook simple meals. Keep lunches simple - sandwiches, fruit and crisps.

Lists, and letting your standards drop.

I was a single mum to five, (no input financial or otherwise from XH) and it was, quite frequently, hell. I only coped (and that only just) by only cleaning to standards that would just avoid typhoid, leaving the kids' rooms to them (and if they didn't clean or tidy, well tough, they had to live in it). Laundry was essentials only and I made a LOT of lists.

The Kids do help out, it’s just the sheer volume of stuff I need to do. I do set myself impossible standards, not necessarily that the house has to be spotless, but I feel like it’s a failure if I drop balls at any point.

The things that need paying for are endless and I don’t have the income to throw money at everything, so then I stress over getting a better paid job, but that comes with more hours and I already can’t keep up.

I think I can tend to spiral, it feels like my head is spinning as I run from one thing to another. I’m not even badly organised, it’s just more than one person seems able to do

1 Give Yourself Grace (Every. Single. Day.)
Stop expecting perfection. You're doing the job of two (sometimes three). Each morning, remind yourself: “I am doing my best with what I have—and that is enough.”

2 Reduce the load - not just manage It

Write down everything on your plate. Then, cross off 3 things that can wait, be simplified, or don’t truly matter right now. If it’s not about survival, connection, or sanity—it can go.
I think it's called Eisenhower Matrix and you can plan your days/weeks this way..

3 YOU time
Find one 10-minute pocket every day that belongs just to you. Whether it's silence, a walk, music in your earbuds—protect it like oxygen. You're allowed to breathe

4 involve the Kids in the Real Work of Life
Assign age-appropriate responsibilities:

• Your 10-year-old can pack lunchboxes or dishes.
• The 13-year-old can do laundry and do dishes
• The 16-year-old can cook once a week or mow the grass and also help with bills/admin.

This isn’t burdening—it’s teaching life. And it lightens your load.

5 Lower your standards
Dinner doesn't need to be homemade. The house doesn't need to be spotless. Your worth isn't tied to output. Let “good enough” be good enough.

6 Hold the Hope
This is a hard chapter, not the whole story. Your love is working, even when it doesn’t look like it. Your kids will remember your strength more than your stress.

7 Positive thinking
OP Please I know it's hard but also consider a mindset shift. You do realise you saying everything always goes wrong sounds like you have accepted defeat already and your kids probably see that. Having a positive mental attitude does help.

Also OP remember you're not alone. I would recommend you find a few moms on whatever social platforms who are also solo parenting and thriving. I would recommend some on tiktok. It does help to know you're not alone.

Sending you better days. Take advantage of the sunshine, it'll do you good ✨