Is it easier to learn how to think more or learn how to think less?

[ItsUpToYou]

I watched a lighthearted TikTok of a married couple in which the husband asked “what do you hear when I say…” and the wife translated what her brain understood. Things like “Are you sure you’re gonna eat all that?” translated to “You’re greedy.” “How long until you’re ready to leave?” translates to “hurry up.” “Calm down” translates to “Shut up, you’re over-reacting”. The comments were full of (also lighthearted) comments from women basically saying they hear the exact same thing that she did, and I did too.

So it made me wonder, is it easier to just think more about the way our words come across (ie for the husband/s to do this), or (the wife/wives) to think less about someone’s intent behind their words?

Normally I'm instinctively on the woman's side in a "battle of the sexes" situation. But in this case, given the way you've phrased it, I have to say it sounds easier for the woman to change her behaviour. The man in your example has to think about what he's about to say, try to predict how his wife might perceive it (even though that's not what he means by it) and then think of a different way of phrasing it. Surely that's harder than the "single step" required by the woman, who only has to focus on her own reaction and then change it.

The exception to that is maybe something that's happened several times before, if she's told him that she finds a certain wording hurtful or annoying and would he please not use it. In that case, it would be easier for the man.

Dammit, I really thought all women would see it the same way as me! 😄