adolescence - did I watch another show?

[steppemum]

I watched adolescence. It was a great drama, but I am puzzled by the media hype and response. To me the issue is not really social media.

When I watched it, to me there were lots of things going on, and the social media stuff was just one thing that tipped him over the edge.
Is it just me? To me the questions arising for us as a society are only partly around the postings on social media, and far more about other things.
These are some of the things I observed that gave me red flags, before the social media bullying ever came up. This is not about criticism for parents, rather observing what has become normal in our culture:

1. Dad out every evening working
2. Both parents working so hard that Granny does most of the childcare, so no family connection in the evenings
3. No sitting down to eat together as a family
4. TV and Xbox in his bedroom with no timing or controls on it
5. phone in bedroom overnight
6. kid out of the house at 10:30 at night on a school night
7. no parental controls on any devices
8. no conversation with teens.
9. I actually can't get past that - no real conversation with your teenagers.

The saddest line in the whole thing for me was the policeman talking about his son and saying that it was the longest conversation he had had with him for months.

I have 3 kids, youngest 17, teens were not easy and we have dealt with some major stuff, I thank God every day that we made it through.
But all the stuff above matters.
If we don't pay any notice to any of that, then yes, some posts on social media are going to tip them over.

I know there have been lots of threads on this, but I've only just watched it!

I think that was all acknowledged in the show, esp in the final episode, and a lot of the conversation around it has related to it eg don't assume your child is safe because they are in their room with their phone.

I agree that a lot of people (and on tv) are talking about the show, that it was all about social media, and it wasn’t. The social media aspect was touched upon quite lightly really, and for me, a lot of it was about his parents

I totally agree. My kids use social media but I also have very close relationships with them and talk a lot about what they look at and how it makes them feel. They do not spend hours in their rooms on their phones because it's simply not acceptable in our household.

That's not to say things are always perfect - we've had our fair share of challenges. But without parental involvement, lots of things can go awry, social media or not.

This show has haunted me for weeks. My sons are all adults/young adults now but I know that while they were growing up I often questioned myself as to whether or not I was doing the right thing for them, if I was too easy, too hard, stayed on top of their homework enough, too much? I cannot imagine being a parent that seemingly tried their best and the doubts you would have should something go terribly wrong with your child.

The writer of the show has said it is about a child who felt "isolated", who thought he had found "the answer to his pain" in toxic masculine ideas found online.

Personally I thought it was a bit vague.

So we got the message that he accessing stuff online, the girl had rejected him, she had been a victim of online bullying, his parents didn't know what he was up to, the father had anger issues and himself was misogynistic...

But none of it was actually explained in detail, yet apparently is going to be used as education.

I think the social media angle was glossed over quite a bit. I remember where the lad was telling his dad (Ashley Walters) about the emojis and what they meant but it was very rushed and I had no time to take it in.

I would’ve liked to have seen the trial or at least heard what the prosecution and defence had to say.

Agree.

Mum noticing his computer on at 1am in the morning, saying she thought he was “safe” because he was in his room all the time. No monitoring of his online activity.

Mum and sister walking on eggshells and pacifying dad when he had outbursts of anger.

The family dynamic was the issue, making him more susceptible to the online stuff.

I agree op. Fragmentation of the family and lack of connection is a big issue for kids. But the government want worker bees/tax payers so they make it impossible for one parent to stay home, encourage us to get back to work as soon as possible after having babies and put the baby or toddler in nursery then school for 12 years. On repeat. The family has been demoted. Add in economic stress and lack of opportunity (economic and social) and it’s the perfect opportunity for problems to arise.

Agree with @TheNightingalesStarling

I enjoyed it, but no more than any other similar tv show. In my opinion the best education for teens is real stories by real people. When my kids were at secondary school they had talks by a guy who used to be in a gang and carry knives, and talks by drug addicts, discussing how they ended up with serious drug addictions. The woman’s story was so upsetting kids were talking about it for days. That’s how teenagers learn about real life issues, not dramatised tv. I’m honestly not sure showing Adolescence will achieve what people think it will.

It was fine as a show but the hype is ludicrous. The idea that it’s now going to be mandated for schools is bonkers.

I agree it shouldn't be driving discussions in schools. For one thing, I think many of the more subtle moments would be lost on a teenage audience.

Perhaps a further factor 'red flag' was that Jamie's interests and abilities weren't supported - they weren't what his dad wanted him to be doing. Jamie liked drawing; his dad wanted him to be good at sport and gave him opportunities to do sports he wasn't good at rather than, say, finding him an art club to support an interest he was developing an ability in. Jamie wasn't good at sport, his dad turned away, Jamie got the message he wasn't good enough. Jamie went back to drawing whilst detailed awaiting trial.

Accepting kids for who they are, rather than trying to force them to be who their parents would like them to be, seems to be rather important.

Do you think that not sitting down together for family meals etc causes someone to be a murderer? If so I'm way behind.

The dad’s behaviour in the final episode is more of a red flag to me about the boy’s behaviour than any online stuff alluded to in the show.

His mum & sister are clearly afraid of the dad, he’s an awful role model for his son. But no one seems to mention it & the focus is all on social media/incel stuff?

Men have been killing women for years without the help of Andrew Tate’s misogyny, promoters of this show seems to want to blame social media for male violence against women & girls so men themselves don’t have to take any responsibility. I have no idea why anyone would think it should be shown in schools.

I agree and have been saying as much in the lessons where I have discussed it with students. To me, the relationship with his dad is far more of an influence.

There’s conversations to be had with children at home and in school. Smartphones are an issue, social media is an issue, misogyny is on the rise and the age kids are being exposed to it is getting younger and younger. 7 out of 10 female teachers have been exposed to pupil misogyny and that was in 2022, things are probably even worse now. Statistics demonstrate that young boys are more likely to own a smartphone than live with their dad. It’s all a stark warning to think long and hard about our kids, and not to be naive enough to think it’ll never be our child that goes off the rails.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cewg25nndkpo

I haven’t watched it after hearing mixed reviews. This podcast about it was very interesting, they pointed out the female victim was almost completely absent and how it focused on social media and missed so many other issues.

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/redfem/id1574074250?i=1000700184657

I think that many people focused on the social media angle as they didn’t grow up with it in their lives but know plenty of people who were latchkey kids, had an abusive parent etc

Men have always killed women but social media has been key in enabling such ideas to spread. Counterextremism expert Milo Comerford has previously said the big platforms – Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, YouTube – are powered by opaque algorithms that reward the most provocative posts and direct vulnerable users down rabbit holes to more and more extreme content. That makes them the ideal spaces for radicalisation, whether users are being groomed to travel to Syria and join Isis, or to sign up for dubious training courses in crypto investing with a side order of violent misogyny.

Lots of interesting comments.
someone said that does not sitting down for a familiy meal lead to murder?

Obviously not, but at the same time it is yet another brick in the breakdown of family communication and connection.

I forgot the bit about Dad and Jamie playing football, and not supporting his drawing, that was heartbreaking.

And I don't really want to parent bash, as a PP said I can imagine after something awful happens the guilt and questioning any parent goes through, blaming the parents is a media sport.

I would love to see a society where we support families having a parent at home in the early years, where parenting is valued and time with your family is seen as a good thing.

I guess the whole program made me really sad about the state of the family in the UK, and I feel frustrated that the media is just defaulting to it being a social media issue.