The WiFi is down. Send wine. And help

[FrustratedMum2025]

The WiFi is down. I repeat: the WiFi. Is. Down.

I have four children. Four. They were watching something wholesome (lies) and vaguely educational (lies) on Netflix while I tried to cook a dinner that at least one of them won’t fling at the wall. And then, black screen. Frozen. Buffering wheel of doom.

Within 30 seconds, all hell broke loose. DD1 is accusing DS1 of “killing the internet.” DS1 is swearing blind it’s DD2’s fault because she was “sitting too close to the router with her Barbie.” DS2 is now trouserless, spinning in circles shouting “No wifey! No wifey go!” while clutching the TV remote like a grenade. Honestly, feels about right.

I’m now in the kitchen trying to boil pasta with one hand while googling “how to reset router” with 4G and the speed of a dying snail. I’ve had two messages from DH. One says “Any chance of tea being ready when I get in?” and the other is just a gif of a monkey covering its eyes. I may kill him.

Send me wine. Send me noise-cancelling headphones. Send me a new identity in a quiet seaside town where no one calls me “Muuuum” 397 times an hour.

This is not a cry for help.
This is a battle report.

The horror the absolute horror. I had chills up my spine reading this. You are going to have to play board games after dinner.

but more helpfully press a button on the router until everything starts flashing a pray,

@FrustratedMum2025 sending hugs for you in the trenches. Have you tried unplugging the router and plugging in again?? Basic I know but it sometimes works. Good luck

Use your photo as a hot spot for now.

I pray for you that this situation is resolved quickly and without casualties.

Unplug the router, leave it for :0 seconds and then plug it back in again.

sending thoughts and prayers.

Just breathe slowly, in and out, whilst repeating to yourself, This.Will.End

Update from the frontlines: attempted the sacred ritual of unplugging the router, whispered a few choice words at it (ok shouted), plugged it back in, waited the sacred 30 seconds… nothing. The little light is just blinking at me like it knows exactly what it’s doing.

DS1 suggested we “just use the neighbour’s WiFi” which is both illegal and technically impossible since they’re smarter than me and password protected it with something other than “12345678”.

I did consider using my phone as a hotspot but DH took the charger to work this morning for “a meeting” (???) and I’m currently on 9% battery and vibes.

DS2 is now under the table singing “wifey go byebye” and smacking two spoons together like some kind of feral rhythm section. I’m fairly certain we’re all regressing.

Board games have been mentioned. I repeat: board games. We are minutes away from Monopoly. Pray harder.

Latest: still no WiFi. Still no charger. Still no sanity.

DS2 has now graduated from spoon percussionist to full-blown town crier, shouting “NO NETFLIX! NO NETFLIX!” like he’s leading a rebellion. Honestly? Fair.

DS1 has decided this is the perfect time to teach everyone chess. He doesn’t know how to play chess, but he’s seen a YouTube video (when we still had access to civilisation) and now he’s explaining the rules using Star Wars metaphors. I think the Queen is a lightsaber?

DD2 is crying because the iPad won’t “wake up” and I’m crying because she keeps asking me to wake it up like I’m some sort of digital necromancer.

DH has just texted: “Crazy day here. Just sitting down now. Everything ok?”
I stared at the message for five full seconds before throwing my phone gently but with purpose into the laundry basket.

Everything is absolutely NOT ok, DH.
Bring wine. And the charger.
And maybe a new router.
And snacks.

Not monopoly! You poor sod. Junior monopoly - the first person to play wins. Standard monopoly - need i say more.

i am sending you all the booze.

If it’s any help i managed to survive DS1’s 10th birthday party which was supposed to be Minecraft central but next door tree surgeon cut through the cable.

i mean it wasn’t funny i had to play (amongst other things) monopoly but i am still here

This is why you should always download some Netflix stuff on your devices. Never mind water and other boring stuff in event of a nuclear attack... ALWAYS NETFLIX

Really love your writing style op

You can get hot spot from a photo !? Now that's wizardry 🧙‍♂️.

Di you have garden @FrustratedMum2025 ? Kick the DCs out there and have a large glass of wine, then when DH gets home kick him out with the DCs and tell him to wear them out
If you don't have garden get him to take them to the park.
It can be a adventure in the ( almost ) dark