Losing my hair Tuesday

[FruityCider]

I'm losing my hair on Tuesday.
Up until now the whole thing has seemed literally unreal. I haven't really accepted I've got it. I'm 3 chemo sessions in and don't feel that bad. Constantly a little nauseous. Achey on a Wednesday. Lots of random crying. But still going to the pub, and shagging (when not poisonous) and having a laugh.

Now my hair is going. I haven't even had any clumps yet. But I will, soon. Probably. There's not going to be a good time to do it and I've made up my mind. A friend's doing it for me. Luckily I'm fairly punk, fairly butch, and queer. I'll keep a little strip of number 2 for as long as I can and dye it funky colours.

My best mate is a bloke. He gets that I'm sad, but can't empathise at all, because it's not possible. It's not the same thing. Talking to him about it just makes me mad, and I wish it didn't. He means so well.
Everyone around me has been amazing, including my partner. This feels so personal though. Nothing anyone is saying is making me feel any better about it.

There's no point to this post, and the world's asleep, but if anyone is up I could use a handhold.

It's almost 13 years since I lost my hair to chemo. It is very confronting and I actually found it harder than losing a breast, I think because it was so public - once you're bald, everyone knows.

I don't want to pretend any aspect of it was great, but there were some upsides, the main one being that the feeling of a hot shower on a bald head is bloody amazing. The best scalp massage you could ever imagine - I used to stand under the shower until the hot water ran out! Also not needing to shave pits and bits was also bloody fantastic.

And just one thing about your plan to keep a strip and dye it - hair dye can be very problematic whilst undergoing and post-chemo. I was advised not to dye my hair for at least six months post chemo because the scalp and hair follicles can be very sensitive to the chemicals in the hair dye.

Sending you my best wishes for the rest of your treatment.

Thanks for letting me know about the hair dye. I appreciate it. I might look in to henna ? Or just not bother! It's not likely to last long anyway.

If you're still there, did you wear a wig? Are they a plausible thing to wear for ages or (as I suspect) do they just get hot and uncomfortable after a few hours? I've never liked hats!

My hair started coming out in big clumps after my second chemo so I had my head shaved, definitely wouldn't have had enough to dye it!

I'm in Australia and was bald over summer and into autumn. I tried a wig but it was just way too hot and itchy for me. I ended up just being bald at home, and when I went out I had various head scarves in stretchy cotton. You can buy all sorts on line, although I mostly just went with plain colours because patterned scarves stand out like dogs balls LOL

Definitely getting a firm no on the dye then! I'll see how quickly my little strip turns to dust! 😅

I started losing mine on the 2nd cycle so shaved it as it was making my head sore. I’m currently approaching 4 of 6 and can’t stand wearing anything around the house, it’s just too hot. Just wear a stretchy hat when out and can’t wait to lose it once I get through the door. “Yes!” to the feeling of freedom, hot showers and not having to fuss with it. But also felt the same that it’s the badge that makes it all feel real because everyone else can see it. That said I feel less of a fraud now. People do treat me differently. They don’t know where to look.

One thing I would say is let yourself feel what you feel? I had a bloody good cry when I shaved my head. It was the right decision for me but it was still upsetting. Acknowledge it. I didn’t look in a mirror that much in the first couple of days. Then it sort of grew on me, no pun intended.
I found myself being outwardly strong for the people around me. I also had my closest person interrupting any attempt to express that it was shit. Until I explained that the forced positivity was toxic and that I’d do better expressing my sorrow so I could move on. They took it on board, allowed me to rage and that helped. So if you need to express that sorrow and rage do it here. We’ll listen. There’s also a cancer chat which is brilliant.