Sports coach - any justification for this?

[doubleglaze]

I am stewing about this. DC14 has always done a fair bit of sport, and started a new sport in Sept. I was aware that this club tends to only pay attention to the children who they see have potential for competition, and so children are either semi ignored or are coached relentlessly. I used to be quite good at this sport and so know a fair bit about it. I don't think the approach of the club is ideal, I neither want dc to be ignored, nor to be pressured and over trained (leading to injury) if the club sees them as good, but it is the only club within an hours distance from us.

DC has been largely ignored as most of the children have been doing the sport for a few years. I have given DC some information about the sport and shown moves, and they get a chance to practice a bit at the club and i think they are doing well. i have told them that speed and technique comes when the relevant muscles strengthen and with practice. We are planning to move so will be able to find a new club then.

DC was progressing fine until they got the impression that one of the coaches seemed to think they were a waste of time and DC has felt unwelcome in recent weeks, and this is affecting DC, but I have said to DC to not worry and just keep in their own progress groove (so to speak).

Friday night, this same coach said to DC "who is faster, you or the other kids?" DC said other children. Coach said "who has better technique you or the other kids?" DC said other children. Coach then said something which DC thought was either dismissive or motivational along the lines of "Well, do what they are doing then" and then walked away.

There is no possibility that DC could get to the same level as other children in 8 months, and no possibility that DC could progress without 1:1 lessons which the other children get from time to time but not DC.

I am stewing about this and on Friday night actually felt slightly sickeded by the coach, but I am trying to think of any sort of situation in which it would be helpful to say what the coach said.

Any coaches of any sports out there who could shed light on this? Was the coach being motivational or demotivational and borderline bullying?

sickened not sickeded

I think that if you knew this was the club’s approach when your DS signed up, you can not be surprised that this is the way they treat him.

In your position I would look for another club. If you know the sport well have you thought about coaching yourself?

Would it not be worth having a chat with the coach yourself? Don’t go in all guns a blazing but try and get a feel of how they think your DC is doing. You would then be in a better position to decide whether it’s worth carrying on with this club at the risk of eroding DC’s self esteem.

Blimey, I wouldn't stand for that. Is there more than one coach, or another person in overall charge? If there is, then I'd speak to them, tell them exactly what the coach said to your dc, and ask them whether that method is how they usually encourage, motivate, enthuse and inspire young people in their club.

You are right, I knew the club's set up, but up until now it has been silent and ignoring rather than the coach actually saying something.

I have up to this point seen this club as okay to get some practice and to join in with a group, some of whom are great, if we pull out then all that will be lost until we actually move which would be a shame.

This is the person in charge unfortunately. The other coach generally makes positive and helpful suggestions.

I think it is fairly obvious how the coach thinks. The club gets a lot of money per person signing up, they really should be giving lessons to all the children who are interested in my view, and helping them progress at their own speed, even if they are also giving special attention to the few who as children might progress nationally.

I would rather DC trains more intensively when a bit older, if he wants to, and for the moment just enjoy it, because I think it is better in terms of injury and being able to keep other interests. If DC is good, he can join the fasttrack in a few years if that is what he wants, it won't be too late.

Just a bit shocked that the coach came out with those comments. DC was well aware of who was faster and better!

I think all you can do then is what you are doing - keep boosting DC’s confidence over his progress and keep a watchful eye.

Well in that case, I think you already know what you have to do.

This coach is demoralising your dc and destroying their confidence, so removing them from this toxic environment seems to be the only option available to you.

I have spoken to DC and we have strategies, I doubt the coach will talk to DC again but if he does we have a plan of action.

If I removed DC from every such situation, DC would not go to school or go out at all unfortunately. When they were younger I removed them from situations they wouldn't have been able to cope with. Over the years I have taught them strategies.

This thread has been really helpful as it has helped me process.

Children should not have to develop strategies to cope with snide criticism and being unfairly singled out and demoralised by sports coaches.

Kids at that age (and parents) know a good coach from a bad coach. it's unfortunate but they do exist. They are probably volunteers that have done some badges and should have done safeguarding as part of their coaching role.
Even if your DC go to another club in another area there's nothing to say that the coaches there will be any better.
So teaching kids resilience and or strategies to cope is a good thing IMO.

How many of us stand on the side lines listening to parents and coaches thinking "Knobhead"

I completely agree with you, but it is a question of either dealing with it and ignoring, or DC having to completely miss out on a sport which they really like and the positive socialising at the club.

I am going to explain the strategies I have given DC to see what you think.

So, there are two coaches, bad coach is the main coach and he dominates the other coach (unfortunately), there are then a group of children who are the favoured children of the bad coach, and then a group of older quite experienced children who don't seem to have much directly to do with the bad coach (perhaps their parents have taught them strategies!), and another adult who seems really good who I think might be a trainee coach, who has nothing to do with the bad coach, mainly hanging out with the ok coach and the older children. My DC is not the first to have been affected by the awful coach. There have been a lot of drop outs and I have seen some stress, which I think is probably caused by toxic behaviour of bad coach. I am assuming bad coach wants DC to drop out and I am stopping this by being very supportive and positive and breazy and ignoring twattish behaviour of bad coach, and bad coach may have said something to DC as a result even, I am not sure. If DC shows signs of weakness or I try to talk to bad coach i am sure bad coach will get worse. I think grey rock will work with the bad coach.

Strategies - by this I mean, DC is not taking what the bad coach says personally, DC will try to avoid being near bad coach if possible, if bad coach speaks to DC DC will listen and take on board decent comments and otherwise ignore. Basically grey rock.

DC has to deal with a teacher at school who is similar this year (some of the teachers are amazing so it is not all bad) and so is familiar with the concept of grey rock. I really hate it to be honest but DC is getting older and is learning to recognise and side step bad behaviour.

Point of this thread was to find out if anyone could excuse or think of acceptable reasons for the bad coach's comments, I just needed to make sure I wasn't overreacting. So your comments have been very helpful as you are very critical of bad coach!

I know! I am thinking it and quite often I am pretty sure others are thinking it!

I think this guy is particularly bad, and I have found a club near where we might be moving to which looks a lot less special and exclusive, we will check it out. But you are right, these guys exist and it is worthwhile learning to deal with them.

Only just noticed this.

I am a qualified athletics coach with UKA

The following is out of order in my personal and professional opinion.

Contrary to what some believe most athletes need holding back from doing too much not motivating and especially not in such a negative way

'riday night, this same coach said to DC "who is faster, you or the other kids?" DC said other children. Coach said "who has better technique you or the other kids?" DC said other children. Coach then said something which DC thought was either dismissive or motivational along the lines of "Well, do what they are doing then" and then walked away.'

Hope you have managed to sort things out since then