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Original poster

Drop off party awkwardness

18 replies

MimPimMim · 05/04/2025 09:01

Oldest child is in Y1 and has been to upwards of 25 (!) parties this year, not all whole class parties but pretty big - between 20 to 40 kids, with the expectation that parents will stay (so all did, except a couple of unannounced drop offs at a few of the parties).

We went to a smaller party a couple of days ago (14 children) and I was the only parent who stayed. Hadn’t occurred to me that it would be a drop off as that hasn’t been the norm this year, at least for the many parties we’ve been too. It was fine to stay, parents seemed glad of an extra pair of hands to be honest.

Anyway, we’ve got another party later today and the birthday child was one of the drop offs at the party a couple of days ago. It didn’t specify on the invite but it made me wonder if today is a drop off too. I checked with the mum and it is. Didn’t even occur to me, they’ve got 25 children (all Y1) going - which seems like a lot for drop off!

We’re not really at the drop off stage - besides anything else, my child has a long-term medical condition that isn’t fully controlled by medication so I’m not comfortable with leaving her. Even if that wasn’t a factor, I don’t really know these parents (we’ve been at kids parties together but not friends, in the same way as I am with a lot of the other parents) and it seems like a lot of children. Not sure my child would love being left either but can’t know that for certain as I haven’t done it before!

Messaged the mum to confirm either way and it is drop off but I can stay ‘if I want to.’ Feels very awkward now but can’t really make our excuses at this point. I wish it had specified on the invite as we would have made our excuses then, to be honest.

My child is excited about the party so I don’t really have any choice but to suck up the awkwardness. But I don’t want to her to stand out as the only one with a parent there. Will the other children even care? Have other people been in a similar situation?

Thanks for reading, trying to embrace the cringe!

OP posts:

SheridansPortSalut · 05/04/2025 09:08

You're over thinking it.

She says you can stay if you want to so stay. She might appreciate the extra pair of hands. Just tell your child you're staying to help.

Dilbertian · 05/04/2025 09:14

besides anything else, my child has a long-term medical condition that isn’t fully controlled by medication so I’m not comfortable with leaving her.

This trumps everything. Even if it was specified that this was a drop-off party, you would NBU to stay. You don't need to be glued to your dc, you could help out, or be in the cafe.

Fitzcarraldo353 · 05/04/2025 09:15

She said you can stay but also if you mention your daughter's condition she'll probably prefer you stay

But right up to year 2, maybe even 3, my DS had certain friends whose parents always stayed. Combination of children who were very shy/nervous, had medical conditions or SEN or anxious parents. Always totally fine. Really don't stress it

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SuperLuxuriousOmnidirectionalWhatchamajigger · 05/04/2025 09:17

Just stay if you aren’t comfortable with leaving her. The other children might notice and they might ask why you are still there but just answer with why you are. I don’t see an alternative really.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 05/04/2025 09:18

It’s not awkward she said you can stay if you want to, you are totally over thinking it OP

Original poster

MimPimMim · 05/04/2025 09:23

Thanks all - I probably am overthinking it. With her medical condition, we’ve always tried really hard not to make her feel different and we’re bumping up against more things as she gets older so there’s probably a bit of that playing into this. Just wish it had been clear on the invites as it wouldn’t have been an issue to politely decline but now it’s too late and feels like a bit of an own goal.

OP posts:

PassMeTheCookies · 05/04/2025 09:27

You are overthinking this. The parent sounds fine with you staying and will probably appreciate the extra hands if they need any help at the end cleaning up.

Anewuser · 05/04/2025 09:27

When my children were little, parties were always drop off. We never catered for parents.

It depends on your child’s medical needs - if she has diabetes for instance, then you really need to stay, if she suffers with constipation then you could probably drop off. I’m guessing others are not aware of your child’s condition, in which case I’m sure the parent would prefer you to stay.

Parents seem happy to drop their child at school and then leave, so why not parties?

PassMeTheCookies · 05/04/2025 09:28

Oh damn it. This keeps happening to me. Replies hadn’t loaded before I pressed post. Apologies for repeating the same message as others x

ToKittyornottoKitty · 05/04/2025 09:29

Declining the invite because you feel awkward about staying would have been unfair to your DD. Your kid is only in Y1 she’s not a teenager, stay and chat to party parents a little, explain about her medical condition and you still being nervous and they’ll get it. This isn’t an issue

PassMeTheCookies · 05/04/2025 09:30

Anewuser · 05/04/2025 09:27

When my children were little, parties were always drop off. We never catered for parents.

Parents seem happy to drop their child at school and then leave, so why not parties?

Just in answer the bottom question - staff are DBS checked, so I feel comfortable with that. I don’t know the parents (and their adult family members) of children in my son’s class well enough to leave them with my son.

stayathomer · 05/04/2025 09:32

I stayed at a party that nobody else stayed at (I was unfortunately first so didn’t realise everyone would run!) I just faded into the furniture as a helper. I think as others have said just say if they don’t mind you’ll help because of medical condition

doodleschnoodle · 05/04/2025 09:38

IME, there’s a really long transitional stage anyway when moving to drop-off parties. DD1 is 6 and most of her parties are still parents stay, a mix of parents who drop and go and ones who stay, and then the odd l drop and leave, but the latter we’ve always been told before that we can do that - DD1’s party was a drop and leave because it was a craft party in a small venue, but even then a few parents were welcome to stay to help with stuff and did.

Perhaps it’s as we are a village, but kids parties are often a bit of a chance for parents to get together and chat anyway so no one seems that desperate to drop and run, and most parties are still in soft play or big halls at this stage. And then of course there are kids who will need a parent with them - a close friend of mine has a DD with ASD and she can’t be dropped and left so she will always stay.

I think you can overthink party stuff a lot and MN does have strong opinions on some party etiquette stuff but generally I’ve found parents are pretty chilled out about stuff like this at such a young age so no need to fret about it.

NameChangedOfc · 05/04/2025 09:41

Stay, and don't overthinking. You care about what your daughter needs, not about what others think. Have a nice time 😊

SparkyBlue · 05/04/2025 09:49

Her medical needs are the priority here in this situation. If you need to stay then stay. My daughter is in the first year of primary school and all parents stay for parties.

Octavia64 · 05/04/2025 09:52

The other children won’t notice.

the parent running the party will be rushed off their feet and won’t really care.

medical reasons absolutely trumps social etiquette here.

guinnessguzzler · 05/04/2025 09:55

If you stay and make yourself useful the party parents will be delighted and the kids won't notice either way. Enjoy!

FuckYouTony · 05/04/2025 10:09

I find reception year parents stay. Year 1 it's about half and half. From then on, just drop off and go, enjoy the hour or so to yourself etc.

My daughter is year 4 and there are parents who follow the class to swimming lessons on Friday, during school time, so they can watch their child swim! So don't worry about being a helicopter or anything.

Your child has a specific medical need and that's a priority for you, the mum said you can stay, you can always explain to her the reason and I'm sure she'd be glad of the extra pair of hands.

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