Transition from a child to tween/ teen

[Stoneyard]

(I’ve NCed as I don’t want to link to previous posts)

I don’t know how to describe this but hope others will recognise or empathise with what I mean. I have oneDS who is 11. He is a gorgeous, wonderful boy and always has been! I never loved being a mum to a young child but I always loved him iykwim

sonce starting secondary he has become more focused on friends, more self conscious, and more independent - all of which I celebrate and recognise as healthy. He is also now physically bigger than me and I have these weird feelings - like an intense sadness, that I will never have a young child again.

i love him, I adore him. But he rolls his eyes at me sometimes. He’s not interested in playing board games or even in talking about ideas with me. I am no longer the centre of his world and quite often he doesn’t want me around. I just feel so … bereft. Almost like I woke up and I’m no longer needed.

it is so strange because I’m not naturally maternal and was never good at being a “mum”. But now I’m discarded and it’s kind of devastating.

does anyone else know what I’m talking about?

Yes, I have three and it hit hardest with my youngest. Mine are older now and I expect to be a granny in a few years. I suppose that is why grandparents adore their grandchildren usually. They get how short childhood is.

I have three teens and this sounds pretty normal OP. They no longer adore us like they used to and their friends gain in importance. He won't play board games with you, but try to think of things you can do together. Find a TV series you both enjoy (I used to watch Taskmaster with my 19yo and now I'm watching it with my 15yo). Food often works well as a "bribe" - going out for brunch / a milkshake, or getting his favourite takeaway.

Thanks both. It’s reassuring to find out it’s normal. I suppose I just have to get used to the new reality.

i do try to get us to watch TV together. And I drag him out for walks sometimes.

I recommend 'Get out of my life but first take me and Alex to town' by Suzanne Franks I think you'll find it reassuring that this is normal. Lots of second hand copies on World of Books etc.

Thank you! Ordered the book