Anyone else just really lonely?

[Flowerryflowefss]

I have 2 kids who are 3 and under but I'd never put stuff like this on my kids

Im actually married believe it or not but its clear we arent working. Not sure why we're staying maybe because officially being alone is scary? I don't know

I just feel like i manage everything alone is this just being an adult? I feel so lonely and just sad when my kids go to bed but always so tense and anxious

It sounds like you feel isolated and unsupported at present? Any family/friends/work/interests? 🌺

I have my mum dad and a sister. Not really and close friends just ones I chat to now and then and I work remote.

InterestsI don't know since my eldest was born I've never left after bed time I don't ask dh to mind him either I like to do it and be in control i have anxiety too so doesn't help the worry I have over the kids

I think dh hates me now as they're my priority and I take charge of things

Me. I’m now 62 and very happily married. In 2017 I retired from childminding and moved house 50 miles away from all I knew.
Dont get me wrong, I was a willing participant and love where we now live. It’s rural and beautiful whereas the town I lived in was becoming over-run with undesirables.
However, I was also diagnosed with cancer the year after we moved and that knocked me and my confidence for a Six.

My wonderful husband works full time and my mobility isn’t great so I’m house bound a lot of the time. I do have a car, and love driving but going out alone isn’t something I’m comfortable doing.

Apart from this, I have a lovely life, but spend too much time alone for my liking x

@Borntobeamum sending you lots of love and hope you're recovering well and a well done for taking the plunge and moving. It is so scary moving from what you know/are used to!! X

Sorry that you’re struggling. Being lonely as a mum with young dc isn’t uncommon. I actually have anxiety too but specifically re my dc in the sense of I really struggle leaving her.

I am quite lonely too although I think my relationship with DH is good my world outside of him is now so small (probably linked to my anxiety and not wanting to leave dc my friends dropped away during her first year). I don’t think it’s uncommon.

However I do go out once she’s in bed - I go to the gym as I’m a gym bunny but even the small chats of saying hello to the familiar receptionist cheer me up and help alleviate my feelings. It’s just a small thing. The same with coffee shops I like saying hello.

I will only go out locally while dc is at home with DH but I can now manage that with no anxiety.

I would encourage you to try and get out locally to an activity you may like (even if it’s not the gym). You could start at once a week.

I do need to take the plunge and go out for me. The only other adult interaction i get is nursery drop off and pick up for the kids on my working days

It cheered me up tonight having a late night walk (bereavement though rather than lonely) and I had a daft conversation with a woman about the road. She was saying 'narrow? You call this narrow? You could barely fling a hedgehog up here'.

She seemed very nice and unlikely to fling hedgehogs around but it did make both of us laugh as she got her point across.

Small interactions can brighten up the day

sending you love and sorry for your loss x

Would it help to get treatment for your anxiety? It might help you let go a little and start going out and developing a social life.

I did go to therapy last year so im unsure what else I could do maybe pay and go private ?

I think also that having young kids can be quite a lonely time. Especially if you're marriage is in a bad patch.

Can you talk to your husband about it?

Yes, you can try BACP for a therapist. It seems as though your anxiety is the core issue here.

Having young kids is isolating, you do t have the freedom to do things for yourself in accordance with your feelings e.g feel anxious so go fro a walk - it's just not possible with littlies. Mines 7 now and I still feel this at times. I have posted about feeling lonely before, I feel mines from lack of 'connection' and that included my dh as again, with little kids that relationship suffers.

I wholeheartedly believe it takes a village, not just to raise kids but also raise a mother and support a women through this transition and beyond.

I don't think what your feeling is that unusual tbh for your time of life, and I have also concluded that adulthood is quite a lonely place at times. I'm learning how to care for myself and what helps but I wouldn't say I was fantastic at it yet!! You do need a support system and you may have to actively seek that out somehow xx

Thanks for the tip. I do need some sort of support system from somewhere

Me and my husband feel majorly like room mates at the moment. Only chat we get is about the kids or life stuff like bills stuff to do etc

I think I feel more lonely because I feel like I don't have that best friend in a partner

I'm chronically lonely moved to Edinburgh 2 years ago still no friends, I'm on dating sites but not interested in dating, I just want someone to talk too in person.

Sounds cliche but I joined a back to netball session and have made friends through this, you are split into teams so kind of forced together in a way and there's none of the awkwardness. It's not huge pints of social but it's a weekly check in and then we go out for tea every so often. All of us on my team joined for the social interaction and all at similar points in life. So something like that may be an idea?