Why is mums net so toxic

[mayse10]

I am a recent addition to Netmums, currently 24 weeks pregnant. Perhaps I’ve overlooked something, but in the short time I’ve spent here, I’ve noticed a concerning level of negativity and lack of support. It’s disheartening to see instances of harsh criticism, put-downs, and even “mum-shaming” directed at others. I sincerely hope my observations are not unique, and that we can collectively work to make this forum a space where kindness, support, and empathy take precedence over judgment. It would be refreshing to see a bit more common sense in recognizing when advice is being sought, and knowing when to draw the line in offering it.

It’s because people are behind a screen, there’s no consequences to people being nasty online unfortunately.

The monthly Mumsnet is shit thread. I don't visit netmums but I'm assuming you mean here OP.

This place is what it is. You need a thick skin and stick up for those who you think need it. It's also a hotbed for trolls and it's worth bearing in mind there are people on here deliberately trying to cause trouble.

Netmums is a different site. Not sure if its still going, but if so it might be more your cup of tea. This place is known as the vipers nest for good reason! I like it as I know I’ll get the advice I need, not the advice I want. Yea it’s brutal, and if you’re feeling fragile it can be hard to hear sometimes. Don’t go on AIBU unless you’re prepared for a metaphorical kicking. But if you need relationship advice or mental health support etc there are loads of lovely posters who give time and energy to help those who are struggling. They may do it like a strict aunt not a fluffy friend, but they’ll do it with your best interests at heart.

Well there are, they get deleted and eventually banned, so its not like personal attacks are left to stand. But yeah, people can be snarky and blunt. If you’re looking for a bunch of “yes hun”s then you won’t find many here. But there’s a lot of support if you’re open to hearing home truths.

It's just a bunch of other people's opinions.
Most people on here have opinions on stuff they have never actually dealt with which is not very helpful, but there are also some golden nuggets of information.
Insecurity is the main issue on here, and the need to be right.
If your confident within yourself the advice on here won't be much use.

This isn't my experience at all. Mumsnet can be amazingly supportive if you genuinely need help.

Some people genuinely need help to pull their heads out of their own arses and start being more realistic and we are happy to provide that help.

There are a lot of threads where we take no nonsense, if nonsense is what we are being expected to take.

But if someone is in trouble - has a desperate situation of being trapped in an abusive relationship, being stalked or threatened, being exploited by an unscrupulous landlord or employer, then mumsnetters flock to help.

Can you give an example of a toxic thread?

Think of it as ‘tough love’. And my tough love to you is that entering an anonymous forum of predominately women and telling them to ‘be kind’ is a mistake. Tell that to men. Women can heave a sigh of relief here and be as angry, and as brutal, and as honest as they like. You won’t get dick pics and misogyny and hate is jumped on. Yes, you will have your arse handed to you. My advice is get over it. Enjoy women in their purest most authentic truth. It’s sometimes ugly. But sometimes you will get real kindness, humour, empathy, support, insight and that is a thing of beauty.

Keyboard warriors....say anything they want and get away with it maybe 🤔

Just stay away from AIBU threads and you will be fine

Awwww "I'm brand new. I've only here ten minutes, just long enough to see how awful you all are. Don't worry, I'll be your saviour and we can all work nicely together, like good girls, to make it a better place! ✨ 🌈 ✨"

Bye, then. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

I thought Netmums had collapsed ages ago?

I don't find it particularly toxic, which bits have upset you? I do find it mostly honest, and I like that.

When I first got here I got really upset by some responses, had sleepless nights over it and really took it to heart.

however, some of that was because there was truth in what they were saying and it really was (as another poster so well described) tough love. There’s a lot of very valuable, intelligent comments here, there just isn’t the fluff that comes with other websites. Stick around, you’ll find when the shits down they are supportive, even if it does come across as brutal.

Well, if you can’t even get its name right, then why should people listen to you?

mumsnet is also an incredible source of good advice, kindness and support when women need it. But many posters don’t suffer fools gladly.

Why?

Netmums tends to be much fluffier than Mumsnet from what I remember. So that might suit you better, OP, if the site is still going.

I moved across from Netmums to Mumsnet when my dd was little, because I found it less fluffy, more intelligent and more honest. DD is an adult now, but I'm still here. 🙄

The site is far from perfect. There is a lot of racism, ablism etc. Sometimes even misogyny, which is depressing for a site predominantly aimed at women. It isn't always moderated as well as I would like, either. And there are undoubtedly posters who enjoy having a pop at others, people who seek to feel better about their own lives by trying to bring others down.

But there is also a community of incredibly intelligent, informed and witty posters who have taught me a great deal over the years. There is the opportunity to get blunt, honest and unfiltered feedback from people that we may rarely have access to in real life. And there is incredible support, compassion and kindness for those who really need it.

I have never used Netmums I have come to Mumsnet occassionally to read threads and on the very rare occassion that I posted something, the absolute vitriole from people was just stunning. I can't figure it out other than this has become the female Reddit.

Come on Op at least get the name right!