how to feel joyful again

[lycheetothestar]

I'm feeling extremely low and empty. I'm looking for advice on how I can feel more joyful and happy. It's been such a long time and I just don't know what to do.

My life is very solitary - I'm long term single and I don't have any family. It's something that really gets me down. I'm not sure there is even a solution. I already go out a lot, get out in nature and exercise.

I suppose my diet is poor which can't be helping but it's been such a long time since I felt happy.

Not sure see what Asda or Tesco offers.

I hear you OP. I'm the same. Long time single (11 years since I got out my last relationship). No family. Divorced, no kids. Retired so no job (am early fifties). Like you I have a dog.

I think I am naturally introverted so probably cope better than most. My dog is also my lifeline and forces me to go out 2-3 times a day which makes me appreciate getting back home if nothing else. Also he's a funny wee chap and often gives me small moments of happiness by being just a general furry nutcase. However he is 12 this year and whilst he will likely have a few more years hopefully (he's small and crossbreed) the happiness now is tinged with fear of him dying.

I will probably have to get another dog cos quite honestly he does give me a sense of purpose and makes me feel needed.

It is very tough though.

My last relationship just somehow broke me and I just don't think I can go there again. Weird cos no doubt he would say it was all my fault but that does not stop me feeling the way I do.

I was involved in looking after a family member for the previous 5 years and it was a huge strain mentally and physically not to mention grief. I put on a huge amount of weight which I am working towards getting my health in a better place.

Added to that just a few other things that have really made me sad like a good friend who got married after being long time single and dropped her friends which was quite devastating as I thought we were close. I tried to keep in touch with her but it was better to accept the friendship was over than being made to feel crap when she couldn't fit me in for 12 weeks and then only cos her other half had a day out with his friends or something.

Also a family member who I helped through their divorce etc, promptly got themselves back on their feet and then made it clear I was no longer needed.

All these things whilst not personal (people are just looking out for themselves) do make you feel why put yourself out there.

It is very tough in the holidays when you see others with family arriving to visit etc and you are on your own (although I don't count myself as alone with the dog as he makes me feel so much better).

I do have a few nice neighbours who will have a wee chat when we meet and sometimes other dog walkers will speak although I find since covid it happens less. I think cos there are so many dogs now people don't bother anymore whereas before having a dog almost meant other dog owners sort of saw you as a friend to stop and chat to.

Anyway no good moaning as the only person who can fix it is me but for those out there who were born into stable, loving supportive families and who grew up and keep in contact regular with them just know you are very lucky.

Both my parents had mental health problems for sure and resulted in a very dysfunctional family system and impacted all our health as well.

Hugs to you OP.

I'm sorry that you're feeling like this @lycheetothestar
Have you ever read the book "The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer? It's a really insightful book that makes us consider life and all that comes with it. The chapter on death is particularly poignant.

Sort your diet. Ditch the processed food and eat real food. Take a decent supplement with vitamin D and iron. Consider hormone imbalance if in peri. Join the WI if you’ve got a good chapter?

What about a career change or retraining?

Have you tried meditating or manifesting? It might sound a bit hippy but worth a try. Try YouTubing something like meditation for a positive mindset and see how you get on. I sympathise, I’ve had periods of feeling the same x x

How old are you

As your diet is bad, it’s practically certain you are deficient in something. See your GP.

We sound very similar OP. I'll send you a DM.

I could have written the same - even the doing lots of therapy. I’ve gone through times when nothing feels purposeful, everything seems expensive or not worth it etc It’s been lifting lately though. Not sure why - I think maybe I’ve just stopped fighting it? I think that is a big component - learning to be okay with whatever you feel, not adding extra suffering to whatever you’re feeling, and not seeking out joy - just seeking to be okay with whatever you feel. Little shifts follow from there.

Go on the happy pills or try and get some gummies :)

I do everything to build happiness, no idea what works, but even at half a percent, it all adds up!

hrt
hsppy pills
meditation apps
beautiful lighting, candles, plants, music in my home
my cat
walking
loads of yoga classes
gummies for a light buzz
making delicious soups

Thank you. This is how I feel. There's a lot of abuse with my family so I have been estranged for a decade but it is very hard although I know I am better off without them.

You know this is interest - because the last time I went through a really bad bout of this, I found accepting that that was how my life was made it much better and able to cope rather than wishing for something else.

But then at times, it's like I come up to the surface and see how things are and fee deeply melancholy again.

Hugs to all of you who are feeling the same.

Thank you so much for all of your comments. They've been making me feel a bit better. I think I've really lost myself in the last 15 years but also have started to learn more about myself. I have a deep sadness in knowing that so many people I loved never really loved me back or cared about me and trying to disentangle and find myself again is very hard. It's taken so much from me. I know I am strong and I can get back to a better state of being.

I am going to start small and come up with a plan. It sounds tedious but just for this week, I am going to concentrate and drink 2 litres of water every day and a lot of fruit and veg and just cut all the bad sugar from my diet. I eat horrendous amounts every day and I know it's contributing to how low I feel.

Op I think you are right. Accept you cant sort everything at once and just take things a bit at a time. Try to enjoy each day and add in the steps towards community and social stuff but don’t beat yourself up, you’re not the only one in this boat, family can be so hard cant it. Wish you all the best, hope you enjoy today

I have a deep sadness in knowing that so many people I loved never really loved me back or cared about me and trying to disentangle and find myself again is very hard.

relate so much. Yes it is very hard

What did you enjoy doing when you were 8? Skipping, playing ball, drawing, reading …? At that age we are sometimes our truer selves before the weight of expectations creep up on us. Try out some of those activities now, or “grown up” equivalents eg a group exercise class instead of playing ball with your mates.

a couple of books / podcasts/ people to follow on social media I have found helpful - The Happiness Project by Gretchen Ruben and Untamed by Glennon Doyle

good luck