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Autistic child in year 6 with no friends

7 replies

elliejjtiny · 04/04/2025 13:59

Posting on here for traffic. Youngest ds just got his leavers hoodie so he had the usual class photo of them all wearing them on the school facebook page. Then a few group shots of the children in either pairs or small groups of children in their friendship groups. Ds is in the class photo but none of the pairs or groups because he doesn't have any friends in his class. I'm not blaming the school, they have been great with him and there are a couple of others missing from the group photos too. But my heart breaks for him. He stims and struggles with personal space so most children find him annoying and he doesn't like the other children either. He adores his teacher and he likes the other parents. I walk him into school and he will call out a cheerful "hello Luke's mum," and "hello James's dad" etc while ignoring their child.

He is going up to secondary school in September where he will be with his brothers. I think that will be better for him but I'm still worried. He seems to get on best with children who are non verbal and severely disabled, probably because they just accept him as he is.

He has an ehcp with band 4 funding which we are trying to appeal. He's got the local secondary school named on his ehcp. None of the special needs schools would take him as he is too academically able and doesn't have challenging behaviour. He has the emotional development of a 3 year old and I worry about him being in a school full of NT teenagers. I can't fault the school though, the staff have all been great with him and he hasn't even started yet.

I have 3 older dc with autism and they all have at least one friend. Only my ds doesn't.

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 04/04/2025 14:00

Sorry, that last bit should say only my youngest ds doesn't.

OP posts:
ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot · 04/04/2025 14:27

Is DS happy? Does she want a friend?

I ask this because not all autistic people want to be sociable. And that's OK.

Sirzy · 04/04/2025 14:31

Is he happy? My son is 15 now and he as much as I struggle with the idea he simply isn’t interested in other children. He finds them annoying generally!

I was worried about him moving to secondary school but the school he is at is very supportive, he has full 1-1 via his echp and he is generally doing very well. He will go to specialist provision for post 16 but we are hopeful he will get some GCSEs next year. You may find at secondary he will find ‘his people’ more with a bigger group of peers.

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2men3eyebrows · 04/04/2025 14:35

Bless him, I was the same at his age OP. I wasn’t overly fussed at the time, and in hindsight I’m really grateful for it. You learn to enjoy your own company and forge your own path in life. He also won’t have the problems that come with falling in with the wrong crowd.

I had no issues finding friends toward the end of university or at work. I think if anything it allowed me to be a bit more discerning with who I chose to spend my time with.

Trovindia · 04/04/2025 14:38

My autistic DD didn't have any close friends at primary but in secondary she made a small group of friends and now at 16 has three close friends she sees regularly. I think your son is likely to find someone he gets on with at secondary, as there are so many more children there.

elliejjtiny · 04/04/2025 14:57

He wants to be friends, although not with most of the children in his class and he hates being left out. Ds1 was happy on his own at that age but other children liked him and he would play with similar aged dc of my friends. He found himself a small group of friends at aged 14 and now aged 18 he has a small number of acquaintances and a best friend who has adhd. Ds2 has a group of friends with another boy who has special needs and the rest of them don't. DS3 has a couple of friends but friendship is something he has to work at.

OP posts:
stargirl1701 · 04/04/2025 17:36

My autistic P7 daughter got on the bus to the residential last week. All of other children sat at the back in a big group. She sat alone halfway down the bus. It broke my heart.

It’s a wee rural school so only a handful of pupils. It retrospect, I should’ve taken her to the big urban school I work in. My only hope is that she finds a friend in secondary but I am aware this may not happen. She does care. Her mental health is brittle.

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