Feel like I have lost so much in the past 6 months and feel on the brink of a breakdown

[hadenoughofitallx]

I know that compared with others, I am fortunate. I haven't touch wood lost a person in my life, but I'm just really, really struggling.

Six months ago I was made redundant from a job I loved, it was the first workplace where I felt like I belonged and was valued. It was completely out of the blue - a call from HR at 4:30pm and locked out of everything by 4:35pm with an email to say I'll be paid in lieu of notice. It sent me into a sense of grief and loss that was awful. I finally started to claw my way out, started a new job and booked a holiday. Then on the holiday I got a phone call to say my dog was really poorly. I spent the rest of the holiday waiting for calls from vets to give me updates whilst I arranged a flight home. I got home and she spent several weeks either in the vet hospital or requiring round-the-clock care. I spent thousands on her vet bills, doing everything I could. In retrospect it wasn't the most sensible decision but I drained a lot of my life savings during those short few weeks, but I don't regret it. She was doing well, but took an unfortunate turn and passed away at the vets before I was able to get there to say goodbye. I didn't tell many people in my life any of this was happening, and after the vet called to say he died I remember I put the phone down, sat back at my work laptop and carried on working. It was bizarre. She was the absolute light of my life, and I would tell her that everyday. I loved her so much. She was the one good thing in my life and I relied on her so much for company and a sense of purpose and belonging.

At the same time all this was happening my best friend got into a new relationship. I have been friends with her since we were 5, we are like sisters. But ever since her new relationship she has just dropped me, I barely see her and when I message to meet up she has to put it in her diary for several weeks' time because it seems that it has to coincide with when her boyfriend has plans without her. My messages to her often get left on read.

I just feel like every single positive thing in my life has gone. I now have no dog, no best friend, I don't like my new job, no savings. Life has bled me dry

Oh I’m really sorry to hear you are having a rough time. It may not feel it right now but things will get better xx

From experience and many other people’s I know too, in life sometimes there’s a shift where it feels everything goes wrong and you’re at your lowest. Might sound trite but it INEVITABLY clears the way for new things and opportunities. See if you can try to look forward to what’s around the corner. For instance, I was at an all-time low with horrendous things happening in my life this time last year and now it is a million times better. You’ll see

Oh I'm so sorry OP, especially about your lovely dog.
Some years ago my son and I visited the Alhambra in Spain and I got cursed by a gypsy fortune teller - she literally followed us down the road screaming curses at me because I didn't cross her palm with money.It was very frightening actually. I don't believe in curses and such things but the string of unlucky and unfortunate things that happened to me over the next few years was unbelievable. All coincidence of course but my son and I used to joke when something else happened that it's the gypsy curse again.
And I think that's what life is like sometimes: a string of bad experiences that make you feel as though you are cursed.
Things will get better for you OP. Hopefully soon.

@AnotherNaCha is right. It's so hard to see when you are in the thick of it. Growth happens when times are tough and when you come out the other side you'll be a stronger. It may be of little comfort now but I firmly believe we need the lows to appreciate the highs. Keep your eyes open for new opportunities, something wonderful maybe just around the corner. Prepare yourself now so when it comes you are ready to say yes, yes, double yes!

Sorry to hear this, sounds like a lot of things have happened at the same time which can be hard to deal with. Before I had a dog I wouldn’t have understood how hard it would be to lose one. There is something called disenfranchised grief. It’s when your loss is not recognised as much as it would be if it was a different loss . It helped me when I lost someone close but who wasn’t immediate family to know there was a term for real grief that others sometimes downplay. So allow yourself to grieve your job, your dog and your hard earned savings/security. And after that maybe think about a new job or a new dog or some other change. Wishing you all the best!

I was thinking of starting a thread about this as I too have lost a lot over the last few years and sometimes it can be hard to take it all in. I think part of it is the price of reaching middle age - some of these things are just very likely to happen over the course of a life and quite often fall in the same few months or years. In my case it’s partly because of my own decisions. You have lost a lot in a six month period and I think it’s absolutely normal to be upset about all of those things. I am sorry about your dog. I just lost my beloved pet this week. Wishing you all the best.

I’m so sorry - that’s a lot of loss. Grief and bereavement don’t only apply to people dying. As PP mentioned this sounds like disenfranchised grief.

It won’t always feel like this. But I’m so sorry it feels this way right now.

Just sending a hug. Sorry it’s been so tough OP. And so sorry for the loss of DDog. They mean so much ❤️

I’m sending you a hug too x

You’ve been through some major life events in a short space of time. It’s no wonder you’re feeling as you are. Please give yourself time to grieve, is therapy an option for you? Start thinking about what would make you happy again, and make steps towards that. Things will get better OP, be kind to yourself until they do x

I don't even think grief always has to involve death. Sometimes your life changes massively very quickly and I'm not convinced by the saying that when God shuts the door he always opens a window, sometimes it is just the door being shut.

Be kind to yourself, seek whatever help you can get and just focus on plodding forward in the hope that things will improve at some point.

That's a lot in a short space of time, isn't it? When I've been in the midst of life shit, I really do try to find some positive bits and work to build on them.

So - redundancy. Yes, you loved that job, don't like your current one, but this one is a stepping stone until you find the right new job for you.

Your lovely dog. Ah what a lucky and lovely dog he was, and what a great life he had being looked after and loved by you. He was happy because of you. Maybe further down the line, you could consider doing the same for another dog.

Friendship. Yes, you've been friends for a long time, and people change and evolve in what they need from friends over life. It's sad that she's moved on, but there are others out there who may suit where you are in life now. I've had friends for different times in my life, and I've left most of them behind.

You'll be okay, you just need to get yourself through this shit bit. Take time to live right in the moment, on what you're doing now.