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Original poster

I am drowning in everything

26 replies

doghairs · 03/04/2025 16:00

I'm early 50s. Working FT. 2 DC. DH who also works FT. He has a much more pressured job than me at work, but i still work as hard as him. This week alone I am:

WFH today as we have a repair man due today for something urgent. I booked this and will be here to see him in etc. DH is working away today.

Looking after my mum while my dad is poorly. I'm checking in in her, taking her out etc

Sorting out the details for a second job I have applied for. I met the boss, sorted my paperwork etc. I had to meet in my day job working time. I will need to somehow find time to make that time up.

This week DC was poorly and I had to take to the drs. I did an econsult and took photos etc. I have been sent an appt for DC. I will take DC next week.

Taken other DC to an appt this week and arranged 2 further appointments for next month

Taken my car to get it fixed

Been to a hospital appt

I've got school fees to pay - simple task but I have no idea what the logon is for the school account or where I log on to pay for this. I will have to dig this info out from somewhere. Dh usually does this but he is oh so busy apparently

DC is on an upcoming organised event for a week. I am currently arranging how they will get there and back every day etc as me and DH cannot have time off work to cover it. I need to call the organiser to clarify times each day etc

Cajoling DC to get up for school every, I make sure uniform is clean etc

Emptying and reloading a full dishwasher every.single.morning. No one else bothers.

I've emptied the bins twice this week, and put wheelie bins out for collection

Collected DH pissed at midnight last night, to save money on a cab. I was knackered and asleep in bed but got up to sort

Deep cleaned the bathroom after not doing it for 2 weeks. There was pink bacteria in the shower, so it def needed doing and couldn't be left any longer.

Booked, taken in and put away a weekly food shop at 10pm . The only time they could deliver on the only day I could do.

I am beyond shattered

OP posts:
snowqu33n · 03/04/2025 16:03

Relentless.
Hope you get some kind of a break soon.

Blondebrownorred · 03/04/2025 16:07

Get the kids doing stuff. They must be old enough to contribute to running a house if you're in your 50s.

Realisation14 · 03/04/2025 16:07

This is also my life with two children, one bio, one foster and I don't even work but they both have additional needs, DH works full time. I am constantly at appointments, meetings, errands, cleaning, admin - it never stops.

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 03/04/2025 16:08

Don’t pick him up pissed. If he can’t afford a cab he can’t go out.

Eyesopenwideawake · 03/04/2025 16:21

Hang on - you're paying school fees yet can't afford a taxi?

How do you think you'll cope with a second job?

Stop being a martyr and set up a rota of jobs. While you do it all there's no incentive for anyone else to get off their arses.

DoPenguinsHaveHips · 03/04/2025 16:29

Sounds like everyday tasks and life admin with a couple of unexpected but not challenging hiccups thrown in. Are your kids old enough to manage things on their own or did you have children late in life?

Can you take some annual leave to give yourself a break and de-stress? Is your husband doing absolutely nothing outside of his job? You shouldn't feel like you're drowning with the general basics of everyday life

PinkElephantsOnParade2025 · 03/04/2025 16:34

What is your job?

Nothing you have reported seems extreme and more like everyday life with work, family and kids.

BelleDeJourRose · 03/04/2025 16:46

If your dh has time to get pissed he has time to pay the school fees. It's probably a 5 min job.

crazzynut · 03/04/2025 16:50

How old are the kids?

ThatSchoolOfficeLady · 03/04/2025 16:55

That's a lot @doghairs One day you will look back on this and wonder how the hell you managed it all. Hang on in there.

BodenCardiganNot · 03/04/2025 16:58

What age are your children?

BodenCardiganNot · 03/04/2025 16:59

Collected DH pissed at midnight last night, to save money on a cab. I was knackered and asleep in bed but got up to sort
Do you enjoy being a martyr???

Newmumburnout · 03/04/2025 17:00

I agree with a pp that they sound like normal everyday events that are getting on top of you. I sometimes feel the same and if you feel your family take you for granted and don't help it can make you feel worse. My advice .. try and get your family to help but being a realist tbh most won't. 2nd - try and get organised. For example easy slow cooker meals that batch cook and freeze leftover, unload dishwasher the night before, use tomm method to clean ( half an hour a day), fill the washer machine the night before, a load of laundry each day. Food delivery ( like you said), subscriptions to toilet paper/hand soap etc. also prioritise time for you " no DH I won't pick you up at midnight pay for a taxi and if you can't afford it don't go out or have 2 less drinks". Try your best to get the family helping, it works better if they have the same jobs to complete each week.

BodenCardiganNot · 03/04/2025 17:01

My advice .. try and get your family to help but being a realist tbh most won't. 2nd - try and get organised. For example easy slow cooker meals that batch cook and freeze leftover, unload dishwasher the night before, use tomm method to clean ( half an hour a day), fill the washer machine the night before, a load of laundry each day. Food delivery ( like you said), subscriptions to toilet paper/hand soap etc. also prioritise time for you

That is no way to live. I'd ditch the lazy fuckers and disappear!!!

notatinydancer · 03/04/2025 17:19

Your kids need jobs to do.

unclejoesmintballz · 03/04/2025 17:22

Your children must be at senior school if you are in your 50's.
Time for them to pull their weight. Sharpish.

Cucy · 03/04/2025 17:22

Looking after my mum while my dad is poorly. I'm checking in in her, taking her out etc

It’s probably the mental toll of your dad being poorly and looking after your mum that is making you struggle with everything else.

NewtonsCradle · 03/04/2025 17:35

It's a lot and you need less on your plate. I suggest starting with small wins e.g. set an alarm on your DH's phone that goes off the night before the bin lorry comes, then wheelie bins are no longer your problem. I don't know how old the DC are but a 5yo can empty a dishwasher, start with bribery and lots of praise and soon it won't be your job anymore.

MissyB1 · 03/04/2025 17:41

You must delegate some jobs. I've made the bins, recycling boxes, and the dishwasher dh's responsibility. And when he has a night out he gets a taxi home, he wouldn't dream of getting me out of bed!

mathanxiety · 03/04/2025 17:45

You have two jobs including taking care of one big overgrown piss taker.

Sit your H down and tell him his leeching days are over.

No job is so important that you get a free pass on keeping your house clean and ticking over, cooking, or parenting your children.

loropianalover · 03/04/2025 17:46

You need to vocalise to DH and kids that they need to do more at home. How are you supposed to continue doing all of it once you start your 2nd job?

Agree with PP if you can’t afford taxi home DH can’t afford to go out and get pissed.

Lovegame · 03/04/2025 17:49

If you’re working full time and struggling why are you taking on another job?

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 03/04/2025 18:12

BodenCardiganNot · 03/04/2025 16:59

Collected DH pissed at midnight last night, to save money on a cab. I was knackered and asleep in bed but got up to sort
Do you enjoy being a martyr???

Agree - and to add to my earlier post, honestly, I’m wondering if this is a made up post to stir. I mean if the kids are old enough to be left alone while you go out to collect at midnight they’re old enough to know that the trade for board & lodging and a mobile phone contract is housework!

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 03/04/2025 18:14

Eyesopenwideawake · 03/04/2025 16:21

Hang on - you're paying school fees yet can't afford a taxi?

How do you think you'll cope with a second job?

Stop being a martyr and set up a rota of jobs. While you do it all there's no incentive for anyone else to get off their arses.

I was hoping these were just things like extras or meal fees but yea - if it’s private school…. Priorities! ????

noquinoa · 03/04/2025 18:14

Sounds like everyday tasks. Except picking up your DH. And except that you are able to work from home, to do other things at the same time which many of us can’t do.

If you are 50 your kids must be more than able to do more, like cooking etc?