Desperate for help - sensory clothing nightmare for autistic DD

[AllGonePeteTong1]

Posting this is chat because the SEN board is really quiet and as I said, I'm desperate.

DD (10) is autistic with ADHD. She has always had sensory issues but it's become so unmanageable in the last few months. I don't know whether it's the added pressures of year 5 (which she finds hard) or the onset of puberty, but it's a daily struggle to get her dressed. Weekends are no better than school days.

It's taking 2 hours of hysterical crying to get her dressed at the moment. It's like she's having a panic attack because she finds everything so uncomfortable. Pants seem to be the biggest trigger. We keep missing the start of school as a result. On Sunday she had to miss her friend's birthday party as she just couldn't get dressed and was so distressed.

We're at our wits end. We've got rid of all her clothes and started again with ultra soft pants (in every style), seamless socks and clothes that she has approved as comfortable. But still, every morning is the same.

I've tried putting on relaxing music and giving her a deep pressure massage before dressing, but that isn't working.

If anyone has got any tips at all, I'd be very grateful. We're due to go on holiday next week and I have visions of us having to cancel as we can't get her to the airport on time....

https://sensorysmart.co.uk/collections/clothing

This is a good site but I feel this is probably about more than clothes. Has DD has a sensory OT assessment? Have you or school requested an ECHNA?

@AllGonePeteTong1 the harem pants are these: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Loxdonz-Casual-Dancing-Children-Trouser/dp/B07QNGWLXP/ref=mp_s_a_1_8?crid=2WODQGYP1ELAY&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.HbrvfIIld1ATlf1dMWtXNONHjMq4tXSKIXs_yf8m7waW9P9CvNS0DALgvDTfo-SLeoouSo1cHDmS2w451KwlpjCvIdc4N-GZ--71s5sRBpkepm9nkqASFi-li1QIwSi3P1lFsTne1shAkHtQ1tCFpBhMUn4-jwZJgGJWSke1oe10Q_0a_MlktgrpCyzLtpqpJnwESGktOVKpILMmfiVQLBmOuAEI5KaRaN6A3B085SYu1Jw5wlxR1W3wZsHnPKorGPjgOEaVMecHvjyHWEYi9bg9tCh4B_GmU1pJnPffkac.tZU6mIxK4rXO7-IdrQtokLnhU8VGMaKZE4VYdOEjz5o&dib_tag=se&keywords=harem%2Bpants%2Bkids&qid=1743540465&sprefix=harem%2Bpants%2Bkids%2Caps%2C81&sr=8-8&th=1&psc=1

v cheap but she’ll wear them.

The H&M boxer pants are quite soft (and get softer with washing). Have to cut out the labels carefully.

It does sound like school are being supportive at least. You are right that sensory needs can become heightened at times of stress.
Maybe she’s starting to worry about secondary school and uniform etc.

Have the sensory circuits at school been tailored to her specific needs?
This info looks good ( not in Scotland just looks interesting) below

Also look at books by Carol Kranowitz
Her original book is a bit technical and text book like but
The Out of Synch Child has fun and
The Out of Synch Child Grows up may have helpful suggestions and activities for home and school.

https://www.nhsborders.scot.nhs.uk/media/971548/Meeting-your-childs-sensory-needs-Dressing-.pdf

Hi op,
you’ve had lots of great replies already. In terms of school refusal, most LA’s have an Emotion Based School Avoidance (ESBA) policy. Have a look and see if yours does but if not have a look at another LA’s policy. They provide proactive strategies that can be put in place now before it becomes an issue.

if you can I’d recommend some professional support from a qualified therapist with experience of ND and anxiety. ELSA can be great but it is quite low level and not specialist enough.

Of pants under a skort are uncomfortable could she just not wear any?

it has built in cycle shorts so she’s covered should she chose to turn upside down etc!

M and s and various other high street stores have sensory friendly clothes. Could you order some to try at home in her safe space and return anything that’s no good.

od also look at engaging a sensory OT who can work with you on a programme to help manage those sensory needs. Things such as brushing can really help the body learn the feelings and how to react.

Instead of clean pants in the morning what about clean pants to sleep in and then leave them on for the day?

I know that's not ideal long term but short term it might work.

Do you use fabric conditioner? I find clothes that have been conditioned uncomfortable.

I would let her go to.school in the ones she sleeps in. Then once she gets home she can change or go commando.
Does she actually need to wear pants currently?
I'm.an adult autistic and have given up on bras and am so much less stressed.

@Readyornot8565 Sounds like you're doing an amazing job for your DD. I love the idea of a therapy dog - has that been successful? Yes, my DD is definitely frustrated by being unable to concentrate in school. We've recently started ADHD medication but it's yet to start having an impact. Her doctor is reluctant to increase the dose just yet given her sensory sensitivities (which can be made worse by stimulants).

Thank you all so much for your suggestions - I'm finding this so supportive and helpful. Only just coming back to this as was a bit broken last night, so I'll try to respond to some of you.

@24Dogcuddler That resource from the the Scottish NHS is great, I've had a read through, thank you. I must try and track down that video it references as that sounds like it'll be even more helpful. And you're right - she is starting to get anxious about secondary school. Particularly as her sister keeps telling her she won't be able to get away with not wearing the full uniform. I'm pretty stressed about it myself to be honest.

To those that have suggested no pants at all, I have suggested this but she said this would be even worse as her bottoms would 'scratch' her privates.

@stanleypops66 Great suggestion on ESBA - I hadn't considered that. I'll look into the policy of my local council. I was also thinking of a therapist specialising in autism/ADHD but haven't had any luck finding one yet.

@itsgettingweird The National Autistic Society helpline suggested an OT referral actually. I'm struggling to get a GP appointment though. Anyone know how much a private one might cost?

@OxfordInkling Thank you for the link to the harem pants! They're out of stock of the right size currently, but I'll keep an eye out for new sizes coming available as I think they could work.

@AllGonePeteTong1
You are doing a brilliant job and everything you can to help. You are bound to be worried about her attendance and future school policies.
Just try to do what you can for now.
We haven’t used this service. Based in the North West but covers the country.

Looks like they’d say if they are able to help and give an estimate. Be kind to yourself today and thanks for replying. I understand how you must be feeling.

https://www.theotcentre.co.uk/contact

That means so much @24Dogcuddler - thank you