Stress leave? Can’t stop crying after exposure to graphic reports

[ZigAZigAhh]

I have been in my job for around a year - it is stressful but I have been overall enjoying it.

I was recently asked to help out on a project that involves historic allegations relating to children - I don’t want to give details but it has been harrowing reading. This is the first time I have worked on something like this. At first I was able to keep an objective view but some of the children are the same ages as mine and I started feeling more and more emotional.

For the last week I have been crying several times a day (very unusual for me) both over things I have read and any sad news stories I have seen about children, I don’t want to go out, I am avoiding my friends and I’m just feeling overwhelmed and helpless. I am already on anti-depressants and having weekly counselling (due to long term anxiety issues). I have taken today as a sick day (I told my manager I had a bad cold) because I was sitting at my laptop crying and unable to be at all productive. I have never gone off on stress leave/mental health related leave before and part of me thinks I just need to snap out of it and get over it. The easiest thing would be for me to ask to come off the project but for various reasons this would
be incredibly difficult and I’m worried I won’t be taken seriously (no one else in my team seems to have a problem with it).

Has anyone ever been in a similar position? What did you do?

You need to be open with your manager. Organisations which might need you to deal with distressing content should have policies and mitigation in place to help support you. Mine certainly does, and we would take you off this piece of work without repercussions, and help you access support. You need to tell someone.

There should be supervision in place for this. Are you qualified for this work?

Does your workplace have an employee assistance programme that includes a phone helpline? My work involves similar difficult tasks and we are all pointed to ours as a way of getting support.

You need to be open with your manager and yourself. If this is part of your job you will need to ask if you can move to alternative work or if not possible look for alternative employment.

i do a job where I frequently have to deal with very upsetting situations, it really isn’t suitable for everyone though I’m able to compartmentalise it and take job satisfaction from doing a good job.

Yes I was crying a lot at work so got myself signed off for a month , like you also first time and it felt weird to be home and not “ sick” as such did me the world of good
I go for a two hour walk in the woods , watch a film , nap etc , it done me the world of good
I recommend having a structure if positive healing things to do to help you , for me it’s clearing out my home and doing the garden , take your time and all will be ok , go see your doctor today and maybe get some tablets

you should really be getting counselling or sum such if dealing with that sort of material

If you could just get over it then you wouldn’t be suffering now

You have a form of vicarious trauma, potentially a level of PTSD

https://library.college.police.uk/docs/theses/RALPH-Impact-Viewing-IIOC-on-Police-Wellness-2017.pdf

You do need to take care of yourself, inform your manager, see what your organisation provides and raise this in your counselling or seek alternative counselling

I think this is a completely normal reaction tbh. I think there are people who can deal with this sort of thing and others who can’t. I couldn’t get near. I turn the tv off for anything bad involving children and I would absolutely cause a fuss if I ever got called for jury service for anything like that.

at the minimum you should be psychologically tested I think before things like this to ensure you can handle it. You must tell your manager and get yourself excused or have some counselling for the role. Remember other people in your team either have done this for a while so perhaps mentally been able to detach from it, they don’t have children or children the same age, or simply just mentally can cope with this sort of thing. I don’t think you are in any way a failure if you can’t. I think it commendable you wanted to get involved. I don’t think it is possible to just snap out of it.

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I feel as though I’m overreacting because (i) no one else on the team is getting emotional - I mentioned to two senior people (including my manager who I broke down in tears in front of) that I was finding it pretty tough reading and they seemed surprised/didn’t express any concern or suggest that I should come off the project, and (ii) I wasn’t given any ‘trigger warnings’ at the start or asked if it was something I felt I could take on - it was simply assigned to me. I don’t know what I want to be honest, I just feel totally overwhelmed. I want to come off the project but I don’t feel capable of doing any of my work at the moment (even non-project work). It feels as though I can’t un-read what I have already read.

Cross posted with @CantStopMoving - thank you, that was my thinking too re being psychologically tested (and thank you for your comments about not being a failure 💐)