Looking Back, What Do You Wish You Had Been Told at 17?

[Caffeinatedandcold]

Hi All,

Tomorrow is my gorgeous, wonderful daughter’s 17th birthday.

She’s been dealing with a lot since she was a kid—struggling with self-worth and depression for at least a year now. Her father was abusive and was removed (by the police and courts) from her life when she was 7. He hasn’t been in contact, hasn’t seen her since, hasn’t paid a penny, or even sent a card—basically, he completely abandoned her. Her grandparents are often ill, and she helps take care of them a lot. Despite everything, I couldn’t be prouder of how she’s handling it all. I remind her of that often, though she’s not exactly one for sentimentality (lol). But since it’s her birthday, I’d like to share a few words of advice with her.

I want to remind her that it’s okay to feel stuck between being a teenager and becoming an adult. It’s normal to feel like you haven’t figured everything out yet, even if it seems like everyone else has their life together. The truth is, everyone feels that way at some point—even if they don’t always show it. It’s also okay to not know exactly where you're going—just enjoy the journey. Make time to spoil yourself, because you are worth it.

What do you wish someone had told you when you were 17?

Standard declaration - Dear Daily Mail, reporters / journalists / newspapers in general - No you cant use this, fuck off.

Proof of MN standing - Penis beaker, Mexican Holiday Home, Musings on how often your OH thinks about the Roman Empire, MN knickers, Robino and the MN Wakefield wedding witnesses.

Hopeful little bump.

You only get one precious life. Make the most of it. Take chances, do big, brave, scary things. But also, do sensible things like build a career and save and invest. Find your people. It will probably take a while (it did for me).

That you might go through friendships that don't last, and it doesn't make you a terrible person: it can take time to find people who you chime with. Beware that some people are very selfish and self-serving and you don't have to pass judgement on that, you only have to protect yourself from getting too involved with them. And to enjoy travel and new experiences as much as you possibly can - it's a pain to travel at 50, literally, but a blast at 20!

You can be sensible but still have fun in education,travelling and friendships. Be aware that there are bullies in any workplace from all age groups, male or female, professional or not, subtle or blatant. Trust your judgement in situations, keep a sense of humour and you can change your mind, do something else.

@Notmyrealname22 Thank you. I didn't find my tribe until I was in my 30s!
@TokyoKyoto Thank you, You're right about traveling it becomes more effort but still rewarding as we get more life experience

Don't feel you have to have everything sorted. Due to my background / upbringing I felt I had to get a job, any job, and a house and be settled and to be 'doing well'.

Sometimes you feel out of sync with everyone else, like they have friends, and jobs/studying, whatever sorted, and you're just drowning. That's ok. Don't panic. This too shall pass.

Go to university. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know what you want to ‘be’, you will always regret it if you don’t.

Disclaimer - not true for everyone but I really wish my parents (or anyone) had given me better guidance on my education and career opportunities.

i wish I had realised how slender and toned I was instead of having no confidence in my body.
I wish I had taken some time out before throwing myself into university and not really knowing what I wanted to do. It probably would have been better for me if had done some travelling then come back with a clearer idea of what I wanted to do. I probably would have chosen a different degree course altogether.

If something intimidates you, all the more reason to do it. Overcome that fear.

You are worthy. Everyone else has the same doubts as you. Believe in yourself.

And, no, don't let anyone, especially men and boys walk all over you.

Don't prioritise romantic relationships. Put your education and career first. The right person will understand and want this for you.