Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Terrible gut feeling but nothing happened

25 replies

Probablyshouldntsay · 29/03/2025 18:39

I had a strange experience with my dd attending a show last night and I’m just struggling to rationalise what did / didn’t happen.

The two seats to my daughter were vacant and just prior to the show starting a single man sat down next to her.
i noticed he was ‘manspreading’ into her seat to the extent his jeans were touching her bare leg. She’s only a teenager so I suggested we went to the the loo and on our return I sat in her seat. He then stopped the manspreading.
On returning I noticed my drink (coke) was now unscrewed and dds ice cream had been opened. Obviously didn’t consume either of those.
After a couple of minutes a couple came over and began arguing with the man as he was in one of their seats. He put up quite a fight until they produced their tickets and he admitted he was supposed to be sitting elsewhere.
At the interval I noticed him again, stood near another man and clearly talking but not looking at one another, they were stood facing the seating and were sort of scanning the patrons.
I took dd down to the lobby and spoke to a security lady who said they’d received complaints from another woman who had felt uncomfortable around this man.
In the end we decided to cut our losses and head home early.

Its strange because this man didn’t do anything exactly wrong (that I know of) but I felt so so utterly repulsed by him.
Has anyone experienced this?

OP posts:
angelinawasrobbed · 29/03/2025 18:53

Follow your gut, I’d always say.

(I’d love to know where this was)

333FionaG · 29/03/2025 18:56

Trust your gut. he's a wrong 'un, sitting in the wrong seat, targeting a teenage girl. Yuck. Why had he tampered with your drink and ice-cream?

LighthouseTeaCup · 29/03/2025 18:57

You trusted your gut at the time and nothing happened. Who's to say what he was intending to happen.

Bloody well done, you did everything right

SwanRivers · 29/03/2025 19:00

I wouldn't have gone home early.

But then again I wouldn't have gone to the toilet either.

Instead I would've made a point of swapping seats with my DD there and then.

Probablyshouldntsay · 29/03/2025 19:02

angelinawasrobbed · 29/03/2025 18:53

Follow your gut, I’d always say.

(I’d love to know where this was)

The palace in the west end. My first time taking dd to a west end show. It’s a shame because we’ve always had a great time doing things as a two, I don’t want to resort to having to invite her dad / uncle / grandad just to ensure I’m not guarding her like this 😔she’s only 14 and looks it too

OP posts:
PLHJ84 · 29/03/2025 19:11

Probablyshouldntsay · 29/03/2025 19:02

The palace in the west end. My first time taking dd to a west end show. It’s a shame because we’ve always had a great time doing things as a two, I don’t want to resort to having to invite her dad / uncle / grandad just to ensure I’m not guarding her like this 😔she’s only 14 and looks it too

me too & made a point of telling him to “move over”

PLHJ84 · 29/03/2025 19:12

Oops wrong quote! I wouldn’t have left i’d have swapped right away

ohyesido · 29/03/2025 19:14

You went to the loo and left your drink / ice cream behind? The ice cream would have melted surely.

this doesn’t ring true

ohyesido · 29/03/2025 19:14

You went to the loo and left your drink / ice cream behind? The ice cream would have melted surely.

this doesn’t ring true

LadyKenya · 29/03/2025 19:14

Swapping seats straight away, would have sufficed. Never leave food, or drink unattended anywhere, imo.

Probablyshouldntsay · 29/03/2025 19:18

ohyesido · 29/03/2025 19:14

You went to the loo and left your drink / ice cream behind? The ice cream would have melted surely.

this doesn’t ring true

It’s absolutely true. They were both sealed, tub of ice cream with the plastic around the edges and a Diet Coke bottle that I hadn’t unscrewed yet.

OP posts:
LadyKenya · 29/03/2025 19:19

LighthouseTeaCup · 29/03/2025 18:57

You trusted your gut at the time and nothing happened. Who's to say what he was intending to happen.

Bloody well done, you did everything right

In your opinion. Why should the OP's daughter have had to miss out on the show, when the situation could have been so easily dealt with? It is odd.

Probablyshouldntsay · 29/03/2025 19:21

I agree, that’s why I’m feeling weird about it.
swapping seats after returning from the loo I thought would handle things more discreetly, I didn’t want to cause embarrassment. It was more his behaviour toward to couple and his behaviour at the interval that made things even worse

OP posts:
TonTonMacoute · 29/03/2025 19:30

I wouldn't have left early. How much were the tickets?

ADHDHDHDHD · 29/03/2025 19:33

Listen to your gut instinct! And do not worry about making a scene. That’s exactly what men like that rely on.

ISpendFarTooMuchOnFood · 29/03/2025 19:36

I'm in my fifties now but I remember my mum telling me a story about how we were waiting at a busy bus station for a bus and my mum was sitting on the seats and I had gone off to read the timetable.

My mum said she felt her hackles rise and spotted a man watching me. He thought I was alone (I was about 13) and was eying me up like a predator stalking it's prey.

I had no idea of his existence. Didn't see him or sense any danger.

Anyway my mum shouted to me to get over beside her and she said she gripped her umbrella as she felt like she might have to 'defend' us.

Nothing happened - the man realised I was with an adult and so didn't approach but my mum always told the story of how her instincts were screaming 'danger, danger' at her.

Anyway your story about some bloke clearly homing in on teenage girl made me think of it.

Whether we want to think about it or not young girls in our country can and are kidnapped and sold into sex trafficking and they always go for the teen girls as they 'sell the best'. Totally horrific. I've read a few true story books on girls it happened to. Morbid reading.

Glad you were safe and you were right to report the creep. God knows what he was planning. Probably just wanting a cheap thrill of rubbing his leg up against her but maybe he was planning worse.

As a middle aged woman I had no idea what a dangerous age being a teenage girl was.

C080889 · 29/03/2025 19:47

@Probablyshouldntsay Have a look at the book - The gift of fear
Excellent read. You went with your gut. There is an excellent piece in the book (true story - US) about a female who refused help from a male to carry her bags to her apartment. It felt off. So she declined. He was arrested several months later having targetted lone females offering to help them and killing them once inside their address.
If it feels off. Go with it x

looselegs · 29/03/2025 19:48

ohyesido · 29/03/2025 19:14

You went to the loo and left your drink / ice cream behind? The ice cream would have melted surely.

this doesn’t ring true

The tubs of ice cream I've had in the past at the theatre have been rock solid- you can't even get the little spoon in it! So it wouldn't melt that quickly.

looselegs · 29/03/2025 20:03

ISpendFarTooMuchOnFood · 29/03/2025 19:36

I'm in my fifties now but I remember my mum telling me a story about how we were waiting at a busy bus station for a bus and my mum was sitting on the seats and I had gone off to read the timetable.

My mum said she felt her hackles rise and spotted a man watching me. He thought I was alone (I was about 13) and was eying me up like a predator stalking it's prey.

I had no idea of his existence. Didn't see him or sense any danger.

Anyway my mum shouted to me to get over beside her and she said she gripped her umbrella as she felt like she might have to 'defend' us.

Nothing happened - the man realised I was with an adult and so didn't approach but my mum always told the story of how her instincts were screaming 'danger, danger' at her.

Anyway your story about some bloke clearly homing in on teenage girl made me think of it.

Whether we want to think about it or not young girls in our country can and are kidnapped and sold into sex trafficking and they always go for the teen girls as they 'sell the best'. Totally horrific. I've read a few true story books on girls it happened to. Morbid reading.

Glad you were safe and you were right to report the creep. God knows what he was planning. Probably just wanting a cheap thrill of rubbing his leg up against her but maybe he was planning worse.

As a middle aged woman I had no idea what a dangerous age being a teenage girl was.

Had a similar situation with my own daughter when she was 14. On holiday and my daughter wanted to go into boots the chemist. It was busy,so I said I'd wait outside with her Dad. After a couple of minutes, I remembered we needed more aftersun so went into the shop. Spotted my daughter at the other end of one of the aisles,looking at make up and a couple of feet behind her was a bald guy, who must have been in his 50's. Something about him made me very uncomfortable so I kept my eye on my daughter. Every time she moved, so did he. Made my way down the aisle, and, as she bent over to look at something, he took a step back and stared at her backside. She was completely oblivious to him. I went and stood next to her and asked if she'd found what she wanted, then I looked at the guy and told him to Fuck Off.
It's scary! I'm not sure anything would have happened but my gut feeling was very strong!

scoobysnaxx · 29/03/2025 20:12

God men make me sick. I KNOW NOT ALL MEN.

but always men.

C152 · 29/03/2025 20:19

He did do something wrong, OP. Adult men in this day an age know not to "accidentally" touch a young teenage girl. He was deliberately pressing his leg against hers. You did the right thing swapping seats and telling security. The only thing I would suggest is, next time, never leave your drinks or food unattended and, when she's old enough, tell your DD how easy it is for drinks to be spiked and the basic things to do to avoid it.

Echobelly · 29/03/2025 20:35

I'm very chilled about reading the best into things, but this does sound like your gut was absolutely right here, clearly he made other people uncomfortable as well, which is a massive red flag.

Kate240 · 29/03/2025 20:42

The whole point of listening to your gut instinct is to prevent something happening. There's a fascinating book about it. One of the examples (it was a long time ago I read it so I might be misremembering) but there was a woman coming home with shopping. A man offered to help her up the stairs to her flat with them. He was quite insistent about it. Immediately her gut was telling her no. But she didn't want to seem rude/impolite. Short story, he raped her.

The fact that you responded to your uneasy feeling is what kept you from possible/potential harm. Now you can say - he didn't actually do anything and be here on MN with essentially a non-story (that's not me being critical - just stating the current situation).

Women have far better spider senses and that's biologically hardwired into us because we're the prey.

We notice micro facial features, mico aggressions, the undertone in a conversation, the ever so slight movement of a mouth, an expression that doesn't match the words, the things that just isn't right.

It's the woman who has been conditioned to switch that instinct off or never really been taught how to develop it - that is really vulnerable.

The women raised by car key mothers - do better. You're just a car key Mum, OP!

P.s a car key woman is a woman who puts her car keys between her fingers when she's walking somewhere at night. A car key Mum, is a mother who teaches and shows her daughter to do the same and is hypervigilent in those moments to her surroundings. Teaching her young girl at the same time.

A Mum that says to her daughter - urgh that guy is giving me the creeps, let's keep walking. Or, I didn't want to stop to help that man there was something wrong about it - teaches her daughter - it's ok to be aware and it's ok to keep moving.

Yoyooo · 29/03/2025 22:24

Did you leave in the middle of the second half?

Conundrumseverywhere · 29/03/2025 22:27

Probablyshouldntsay · 29/03/2025 18:39

I had a strange experience with my dd attending a show last night and I’m just struggling to rationalise what did / didn’t happen.

The two seats to my daughter were vacant and just prior to the show starting a single man sat down next to her.
i noticed he was ‘manspreading’ into her seat to the extent his jeans were touching her bare leg. She’s only a teenager so I suggested we went to the the loo and on our return I sat in her seat. He then stopped the manspreading.
On returning I noticed my drink (coke) was now unscrewed and dds ice cream had been opened. Obviously didn’t consume either of those.
After a couple of minutes a couple came over and began arguing with the man as he was in one of their seats. He put up quite a fight until they produced their tickets and he admitted he was supposed to be sitting elsewhere.
At the interval I noticed him again, stood near another man and clearly talking but not looking at one another, they were stood facing the seating and were sort of scanning the patrons.
I took dd down to the lobby and spoke to a security lady who said they’d received complaints from another woman who had felt uncomfortable around this man.
In the end we decided to cut our losses and head home early.

Its strange because this man didn’t do anything exactly wrong (that I know of) but I felt so so utterly repulsed by him.
Has anyone experienced this?

I have only felt that way once towards someone and he turned out to be a liar and a cheat. Trust your instincts. How unsettling and upsetting.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread