How do you distinguish between a friend wanting to see you for a good old catch up versus them suggesting meeting up simply to fill their time ?

[Sirfluffalot67]

As the title says. How do you distinguish between the 2 ?

If you enjoy the meeting then who cares

You don’t

I wouldn’t really. I’d see them if I wanted to. But I’d only want to if I genuinely felt they were a real friend. It sounds like what you’re asking is how do you tell if they’re a real friend or just a there for the good times friend. If they are the sort of friend you always go out to the pub or partying with, would they meet you for a coffee at 9am instead? If they’re a friend you see for coffee, would they bring you something you needed if you were unexpectedly in hospital and had no one else to help? That’s how you know.

Does it matter?

They are choosing to fill their time with you. For a reason - i. E. they like you!

OP, are you worried they don't really like you? Or that you aren't as close as you'd like?

A lot of friendships start off fairly transactional, think of new mum friends; you've just had babies, are at the same baby class, get talking, meet up in mat leave, have a good time. Then everyone goes back to work and has less time. Naturally some of those friendships fizzle out over time. But the ones you've truly clicked with, they are your 'tribe' . Will they be perfect friends who always show up and put you first and never do something to upset you? No, because that's not realistic. They have their own lives, troubles and tribulations (which you can help with if you can).

There will always be some friends that are transitory imo and I'm not offended anymore if we are not friends forever or best friends.

Try for one or two very close friends and enjoy the rest for what they are.

Sometimes it's hard when there is a mismatch of feelings re the intensity of the friendship. However you cannot change people, all you can do is continue to seek your 'tribe' - those people that love you for exactly who you are and you them. Where the friendship is easy.

Also friendships take time.

I don't really understand your question OP. I am busy and I only do things if I want to. I wouldn't go out of my way to meet up with someone if I didn't want to see them perhaps unless they were pushing for it. I don't know anyone who sees people just to fill their time as surely they'd fill their time doing something else if they didn't want to see you?

Who cares? I have a friend who is occasionally in my area, he pings me if he is and I meet him if I am free, not if not. I never go to his area so I can hardly complain about being “fitted in” 😀