Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Found photos on social media

16 replies

TwinsetPearls · 29/03/2025 05:50

12 days ago my world fell apart and now I'm struggling to cope. My partner of 5 years has been seeing another woman. I saw the photos of him wearing her lipstick after she sent me an instagram follow request. She thought I was business partner rather than anything else.

We are about 4 hours apart and although we see each other most weeks and call/video call multiple times a day he found someone else.

He said that he's been texting her for about 4 months but it only turned flirty in last month. Her facebook relationship status shows that it became official late Jan. We spent 10 days together at mine after that date. He keeps lying to me and he won't block her/cut her out.

She has said via him that I am controlling and manipulative and he clearly wasn't happy so he should get rid of me. I blocked her but she's since changed her photo to one of them together, almost 2 weeks after I found out.

He was sneaking off to see her while I was here, on my own, waiting for him. He lied about going to do jobs at night. He lied about seeing his mate and sister when he went to her.

He claims he did it for escapism and I moan all the time. Thing is, I suspected right back in December. I almost drove myself crazy, I asked him and he denied it.

We are still talking but he hasn't blocked her number. Apparently, he's not seen her since before I found out and not spoken to her in over a week. I don't believe him. We've got a holiday booked and I was so happy despite the niggling suspicion. He was so attentive, I dismissed it that I was not right.

She is 10 years younger than me. She's got no children and they went out a lot, then back to hers for sex. He could have only stayed over twice as he's spoken to me later on at night every night aside from then.

He claims he always still wanted me and couldn't quite dtd properly with her. I keep asking if he spared me a thought, he didn't. He said he asked her out after we'd argued having been chatting for a bit. He claims he didn't know the photos were there but I know he lies as due to our business, I can see his fb and instagram searches through the meta account we share.

I don't know what I want from this thread, possibly some sympathy for being a complete mug. I can't eat or sleep. I'm keeping going for my children.

I couldn't give him what he wanted. Ge says he still fancies her.

OP posts:
Tatemoderndrawyourown · 29/03/2025 05:53

Move on and find someone else who actually loves you. You are wasting your soul on this one

Randomer27 · 29/03/2025 05:55

I think you need to get mad.
who the heck does he think he is to treat you so disrespectfully.

Just look at him and see him for the pathetic loser he is,
can you cut him out of your life?

cheerfulaf · 29/03/2025 05:58

Of course you couldn’t give him what he wanted. He wanted a loyal partner to hold things down at home and raise his kids, whilst he runs around dipping his dick elsewhere for some excitement.

I’m so sorry OP, it’s a really shit situation. I agree with PP though, get angry, who the fuck does he think he is? Let her have him, he sounds like an absolute winner.

take it day as it comes and focus on you, I wouldn’t waste anymore energy on engaging with him, he’s a piece of shit, what else is there to say?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

TwinsetPearls · 29/03/2025 05:59

He's not even had the decency to come and see me since it happened. We were going on holiday, its on my cc. I would like to try and get the money back.
Our business will need to be dissolved. My youngest is nine and keeps asking why he doesn't call before their bedtime anymore. They love him too. I was duped. I'm glad I have my own home and distance.

OP posts:
Soonenough · 29/03/2025 12:47

Pity about the business . But maybe it will turn out to be a good thing too. He has proved that he is a liar and deceitful not something you want in a business partner either.

It is devastating to find out this about someone you cared about . Give yourself time to feel sad .
Then thank your stars you dont share a house or kids with this lying bastard.

TwinsetPearls · 29/03/2025 20:59

I am feeling very used as I gave such a lot. He won't even contact her to tell her to take the photos down despite saying he wants to be with me. I can't work on saving anything with no guarantee its ended.

OP posts:
TwinsetPearls · 05/04/2025 08:10

Update on this. The last week has been a world of mindgames and pain. He admitted he doesn't know what he wants and she is still in a relationship with him as per facebook, the photos are still there. Thursday he asked for space, bearing in mind before Thursday he was wanting me back. I called him out and said normally people who want space go to the AP to test the waters. Anyway, he had his space and I've not heard from him since yesterday morning.

OP posts:
FatLarrysBanned · 05/04/2025 08:23

My mind is boggling at this tbh.

Why is it even an option for him to be thinking he may or may not want you back?

Take yourself out of the equation completely. Surely you're not considering giving him another chance?

Tell him the relationship is over, he doesn't need to tie himself up in knots deciding which of you 2 women is the better option for him. He now only has a choice of one. Her.

Get yourself off social media as well. Your life will be better for it.

Do not make the mistake of thinking by "winning" him back from her have won anything. Let her have this "prize", he has brought misery and pain into you life, and will continue to do so.

TwinsetPearls · 05/04/2025 09:56

Right now I am amazed and nothing else. He lied about everything and slept in my bed with me, went out for family dinners and we even booked a holiday when he was apparently so unhappy he had to have another woman for escapism. How can someone do that?

OP posts:
SuperLuxuriousOmnidirectionalWhatchamajigger · 05/04/2025 10:07

He’s lied to you and his children over and over again. And presumably he’s lied to this woman as well. For a start she thinks she’s in a relationship with his, It was a full blown affair with someone who was in his life. Not a person he met at a bar or anything.

Now he’s just keeping you on the back burner in case this other woman looses interest or he finds things a bit difficult.

FatLarrysBanned · 05/04/2025 10:09

Some people are very good at compartmentalising parts of their life. You were the steady, reliable, dependable one, she was the exciting, risqué, forbidden fruit.

The long distance relationship made it easier for him to cover things up, though as you will read countless times on here, even men in marriages will find ways to have affairs even when their wife is convinced "he doesn't have the time, he only goes to work and comes straight home..."

Don't waste too much time on the why or how. Often the answer is just "because he could".

BlondiePortz · 05/04/2025 10:10

It is not a competition, Keep what self respect you have left and move on, stop obsessing and just leave him to it, I presume this will affect your children (if I have it right and you have some?) So focus on them

burntoutnurse · 05/04/2025 10:11

Why are you being an option to someone who clearly couldn’t give a shit about you or your DC?

block him. Take back control. Stop being an option!

he’s an arsehole!

ScentOfAMoomin · 05/04/2025 10:17

Ditch him and block him - you deserve better. And he doesn’t deserve you.

rockstarshoes · 05/04/2025 10:56

Just block him! Do you have a friend who could go on holiday with you instead?

IloveKFC · 05/04/2025 12:14

Get an STD test

New posts on this thread. Refresh page