Okay, so I might be feeling more hormonal which is making me feel more down about this today, or maybe I've just had enough.
Will keep this short/ straight. Will try to anyways.
I have 2 children , but this is about ds3 (3 years). Basically he didn't do well in his 1 year check, nothing awful, just didn't 'pass' get many points in each area. The health visitor was supportive, gave me another checklist a few months later, he was still behind in all areas. Due to certain things, like not always responding to name, she sent me an asq checklist I thinks it's called, or Basically an autism checklist. He didn't score any points so she then left us alone.he was about 16 months at this point.
He has had the occasional hearing test but it's got better everytime, and its near perfect.
Anyway at this age near 2, I thought that he wasn't playing appropriately with toys, wouldn't push a car on the floor etc, when I tried to do a simple game or puzzle with him, he'd just take all the pieces and put them in a pile in a corner of the roo, it became his corner. I now know its a schema, and it's the same today, he likes to out toys into things and take them back out, into cupboards etc.
Anyway, nursery have done a couple of referrals. One is speech and language, he's majorly behind. Says one word at a time when he does says words, most of the time he's speaking his own language. That referral was done a year ago, going to have one to one sessions in a month or so.
He's had another referral to the child development centre, all areas were filled, including autism. This is where Ilim struggling today. I really don't knoe/ think he has autism and I know my friends don't see any signs/ think it. So maybe he just has a development delay. And this is my problem. I'm feeling guilty. I feel this is all my fault. But I don't know where I went wrong. Because if he isn't on the spectrum then why is he delayed?
I work in childcare, I was a live in nanny for years for one family, I helped bring up their children and they are doing great. I work in a nursery now and I know I helping the children develop well. What have I done wrong with my son?
I have a 3 month old and I'm desperate to not ruin things with her. I don't know what to do I'm really struggling. This has been going on since he was year. That question of is there something, does he have autism, is there a delay. And I'm tired of it. On one to one you wouldn't think he has a delay, except the speech, that's obvious. But in a group with his peers, he is definitely behind.
I'm sorry that was long, just really struggling and I feel like I'm an awful parent.