Child assaulted at school.

[AnotherThrowawayUsername]

Apologies if this ends up long...
Name changed to preserve privacy.

S14 was attacked at school a couple of days ago by a larger and older boy (16). This occurred in a study room that all pupils have access to and are allowed to use. My son was there to revise for tests and was just setting himself up to start work, when the other boy decided he didn't want him there, picked up his stuff to throw it out the room, including his laptop. When my son went to stop him taking his things, the boy attacked him. He ended up pinned against a wall by the throat with the back of his head split open.

School have 'investigated' and are calling it child on child abuse and saying the other boy will be punished, but that as it is so close to end of term and his GCSEs, it won't be until next term. They are saying that the boy knows he overreacted and is blaming it on exam stress. So that's all meant to be ok, then?!

Yet, my son is expected to check in with a staff member multiple times a day, supposedly to make sure he is feeling safe. It feels more like he is the one being punished.

I am not happy that the other boy is still in the school at this time. It turns out he has previously been suspended for other inappropriate (but not violent) behaviour. I also have concerns about what happens if this boy stays on after GCSEs (school has a 6th form). Due to the house system, he will be in close proximity to my son every day, and will continue to be using the house, study areas etc, where my son should be able to safely work.

We have a meeting with the school tomorrow to discuss the situation. I am feeling so conflicted, as I don't want the other boy hung out to dry, so to speak. But, I also want to protect my son. I want to know what they are doing and what sanctions the other boy will face to ensure he learns that actions have consequences. Previous suspension doesn't seem to have worked.

I don't really know what I want from this, mostly to get it off my chest. What action would you be expecting a school to take over an assault like this?

I agree. He assaulted your son. The school will absolutely do their best to down play it, minimise and brush it under the carpet. They dint want a reputation for violent attacks on school the school premises. It demonstrates a lack of control and leadership. I'd report it to the police.

My Y7 DS swore on school grounds last week and was sent to another school for 5 days (local, just down the road and part of the same academy) because he'd already done it twice before and internal isolations hadn't prevented him from doing it a third time. I was in full support of this, as my DS was trying to push boundaries. It needed nipping in the bud. It scared the hell out of him. He won't be doing it again any time soon, and learned the valuable lesson that actions have consequences. And the consequences get worse the more you persist with the unwanted actions.

Your boy was fucking assaulted - choked and had his head split open. And the school won't do anything until after Easter. Utter bollocks! How can teachers stand by and do absolutely nothing about this?! Shameful

Police Police Police

Sad sign of the times

Wonder what his parents think?

The idea that the school won't immediately suspend a teen for physically assaulting a younger child is shocking. In my son's state school they would be pulled out straight away. Is it a private boarding school?

Thanks all. He has had medical attention and I am not concerned about his recovery there due to my own qualifications. I have photographs

It is the handling it with school part that is so far outside my experience. This is not something I would ever have anticipated happening in this school.

We did ask son the day it happened if he wanted us to pursue it with the police. At that point, we did not know the other boy had had his hands on his throat. It was described as a bit of pushing and shoving and that the school were trying to establish the facts, as initially the story was that my son had provoked him, except it turned out that 'provoking' was getting his laptop out. Son still doesn't want to make a fuss about it, which makes it harder as I don't want to go against his wishes. This is not minimising, it is about wider context of other things we are dealing with as a family and maintaining his trust.

I have been reading school policies and it does state that if something happens within 72 hours of end of term, sanctions may be delayed until the following term. This just about falls in that category as they finish tomorrow lunchtime. I will be discussing the appropriateness of this policy tomorrow under these circumstances. I suspect they will say it allows them to give a longer suspension, whereas I feel suspension isn't necessarily harsh enough.

I will be asking how many suspensions does it take before they make it a permanent exclusion. Or, euphemistically, 'invite the parents to seek an alternative' for A levels.

It may not come over in text, but I am livid, absolutely raging.

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I wrote the above about an hour ago but didn't get round to posting. Husband has just got in from work. Apparently the head of safeguarding is looking at what outside agencies they need to have involved.

I wouldn't normally say this because I think it's important to be open and honest with our kids and at times take the reigns and say I know you don't like this but I am the parent and need to step in and do X to protect you.

However, assuming the trust building issues are more serious. If you have to I would report anonymously through crime stoppers then as far as your son knows any other childs parents could have done it and it reinforces the seriousness.

Report it to the police but what actions are taken with the other child is none of your business they should not tell any parent this excpet the child's concerned, you have every right to report it to the police though

He’s 16. This needs reporting to the police

In terms of the school, I’d be looking for a written safety plan that doesn’t involve your son changing any of his routines at school. So they need to find a different place for the perpetrator to study or hang out or whatever. Staff need to be keeping an eye on him and monitoring his behaviour. If your son wants a member of staff to check in with then fair enough but if not then they leave him alone. Other boy should be removed from classes your son is in, the school will need to resolve any exam issues. Ask them how their understanding of trauma is informing their response - it’s not just about keeping your child physically safe, it’s supporting him to recover while still being in the place he was assaulted.

I would also be asking the school very plainly why they didn’t involve the police given a criminal offence on school grounds. It’s not an overreaction in the slightest and they should have notified authorities.

I appreciate your son may not want to report it to the police OP. But as his parents it's your duty to so what's right for him, even when it's not what he wants. He is a child after all.

Another vote for police.

I would also ask the school in writing if they are aware of how much a risk factor attempted strangulation is? For the safety of any girls on the campus, I would be pushing them to acknowledge that, and to insist that policies are reviewed and updated with that in mind.

I would think about saying something to the parents, preferably in a public setting, so they don’t get the idea you will be afraid of them. Once they know the police are involved, they might decide to limit the violent porn their son is watching as a means of helping him not be an animal.

Great advice above.
Just one thing to add - you need to change the narrative from "what is being done to the perpetrator" to "how are you protecting my son from anything like this happening again".
They can't talk to you about what is happening to another child - just yours.
Hope your son is ok.

Police, your son was assaulted by someone above the age of criminal responsibility

The thing is they will talk about outside agencies and support for the other boy sk he doesn't do this again. What are they doing for your son. How are they supporting your son. What outside agencies are they involving because your son has been assaulted and it could impact his mental health? You are there to advocate for your child the other boy has his own.

The school want you to go away. They want to placate you and minimise the incident. They do want a reputation.

Lastly, I understand that you want to respect your sons wishes but he's a child. This boy strangled him and assaulted him. He can't be allowed to go around doing that. Your son could have been killed. I think you need to strongly encourage your son yo report this.

In my school ( I was a TA in a secondary school) following an incident like this, the perpetrators weren't allowed on school premises, with the exception of exams. They were met at reception and did their exams with a TA invigilating. They were then escorted off the premises.

My son was also attacked in school. I reported to the police before school literally like 5 mins before (I had rang school and was told someone senior will call me back ASAP so they kind of knew) school were so laid back about it, the other boy said sorry I should let my son accept it and not encourage him to hold a grudge. My son didn't see who hit him but school knew fromm cctv and wanted him to meet face to face with the boy and accept his apology with a teacher present.
Told me it was on cctv then it wasn't then it was but he was putting his coat on and accidentally hit my son just once and the next day told he was pulling a door open and elbowed my son by accident they were awful.
In our area every school has a pcso like clinic thing so when the police called me back they made the officer of this school aware and she checked cctv herself. She told me there was no doubt about it was an attack with intent and it's blatantly there on cctv that he is repeatedly hit and thrown to the floor then kicked. He had been suspended twice already this was only October and he was expelled. 15 year old year 10 to my autistic just turned 11 year old just for walking with his head down no other reason. Report it on your local police force website there should be a part where you can report a crime. They will call you back and just tell them how bad school are being with dealing with it. I can't say what will happen or whatever but it definitely gave school a kick up the backside so just wanted to give some experience.
Hope your son is OK and this doesn't have too much of an affect on him

This sounds like a private school OP? I suspect they are more likely to want to brush it under the carpet & I absolutely wouldn’t be letting them. Like you said your son needs to feel safe. Checking in with a staff member regularly doesn’t mean he feels safe in my eyes. The boy shouldn’t be there while they investigate, other than to actually sit his exams.

Clearly you need to report this to the police.

Give the little runt something far bigger to worry about than GCSEs. They’ll feel pretty insignificant when he’s for a criminal record coming.

This. Absolutely this.

Your ds is a child.. Involving the police is an adult decision imo.
Report the lad... He needs to be properly punished.. School are useless.. The list of bullied dc lost to suicide must be nearly 10 now from ds's school... A school that most definitely didn't have a bullying problem....
Said repeatedly from the Head..
Ds 21 and 24 have lost several good friends this past decade...
School recently had parts demolished.. Lots of sm posts about shame the teachers weren't in it..
That lad needs to face his punishment.

You say the school isn't taking it seriously enough, but you're the parent and you're not taking it seriously since you haven't been to the police. Why should the school do what you won't.

this. I would already have the police involved (after having his head checked in hospital) all on record and inform the school i was reporting it as assault

I agree that this is a Police matter. He's had his hands round your son's throat, which is a specific offence, never mind the ABH of his cut head. Who cares about the bully's so called stress?

He's a violent shit and deserves to suffer the legal consequences, the school plainly care only about their Ofsted ratings.

Why are you asking a 14 yr old child whether other not you should report it to the police? That's your job as an adult and his parent, it's not even up for discussion.
As a previous poster said, why are you annoyed at the school's lack of action when yours is worse?