Ever asked anyone if they were sure about getting married?

[BigDahliaFan]

My brother asked me, we are orphans, he didn't really know my fiancé, and said he just kind of thought someone should ask? I've now been married 12 years and fiancé and brother get on fine.

My husband wishes he'd asked his brother if he was sure. First time his brother got married, she left him with a bunch of debts after 2 years, moved country, and was never really heard from again. And his brother isn't that bad.

I have asked a friend this just to check but fortunately she was sure and they continue to be very happily married.

My brother did it in the car on the way to the chapel.
He was joking (I think) as he does like DH

I haven't.

Several people asked me if I was sure when I was with my ex Fi. I didn't listen to them but they were right to have doubts.

Yep, I asked my best mate. She met him on the Monday, engaged on the Friday. I said "I'll only ask you once, are you absolutely sure this is what you want, we'll sort it if it's not " she was, and has been married to him now 30 years. I only recently told him about it, and he was quite touched !

DH asked his brother, once right after they got engaged and once on the morning of the wedding. He didn't get a straight answer either time, but on the morning of the wedding his brother just cried (they were not happy tears, alas). It's been a disaster (still ongoing unfortunately). I think they'd both be happier if they split up, but they won't.

My Nana asked me on the morning as I was leaving my about to be PIL house to get in the car. I was pissed off. I wish I'd said I'm not sure even though I was at the time. Divorced him last year. Would never have foreseen why.

Yes. I asked my best friend, I was Maid of Honour.
She said not really.
They are getting divorced now (many years on). He's a dick.

Not really isn’t the best of responses is it!

I asked a friend if she was sure. I was kind of nominated by our circle of friends who were concerned about her relationship, groom, reason for getting married, speed of engagement.

She was very defensive and told me to bog off.

The marriage lasted 10 months. She was uncovering skeletons for years.

I did to someone I was genuinely worried for. They distanced themselves and I regret saying anything and maybe I wasn't close enough to have said.

No, complete waste of breath.

Each predicted disaster has indeed gone on to be a disaster time and time again.

Ive recently raised concerns over glaring red flags, asked a question or two. This has not gone down well and I’m now blocked.

Fuck it, none of my business, others don’t see it, which I really don’t get, it’s very obvious.

I'm quite confused as to the reasons someone would get married if they are not sure.

I'm not married myself- was never sure! I'm also the child of divorced parents and I think that had an effect.

Yes, a friend appeared to be having doubts and wanted to let them know it was OK to change their mind. They married & are very happy and it didn't harm our friendship.

What’s interesting in all the above is that no one so far said, ‘no I'm not really’ and then as a result of the question changed their course of action. I’m interested in whether anyone has had that experience. I think it’s a kind question and wish someone had asked me, looking back. I wonder whether it’s something that’s worth doing, going forwards ie whether it’s often proved helpful to anyone.

My best friend married at 21. We are both 51 now. I never thought much of her husband. At their first date (which i was present at as we double dated) she ordered dessert and he leaned over and said 'Do you really think you should be eating that?'.

I asked her if she was sure and she sadly told him. So since then he has either blanked me or been rude to me. She is so beyond miserable. They had children later in life as they needed fertility treatment and her current stand is she 'only has to last another 10 years' until the youngest is out of the house. She is miserable. He is controlling. He plays people off each other and tells their daughters things like 'mummy is stupid. Mummy is fat. Mummy is a bad mother and she doesn't care about you'. All infront of them. The children treat her with such disrespect and parrot those things back to her.

I've offered to pay for a session with a divorce lawyer so she knows where she stands and he doesn't twig because the money isn't coming out of her account. She won't. She says she just has to hang on for 10 years. By which time she will be 62.

That's actually really kind.

I suspect that the friend I asked should have said "no I'm not", but was so far down the line of organising a wedding that she felt she couldn't back out. She wanted to be married, but we all knew (and I included her in this) that groom was not the right man.

1. They want to be married, but are unsure about the actual person!
2. Expectation that they should be married by parents, family, in laws etc
3. Been together ages, seems like next step
4. Coercion
5. Religious belief
6. Rebound
7. For existing or future children

Yes. She still went through with it.

My mum, just before I walked up the aisle. She said it was just in case. The taxi driver on the way there, because he asks every bride. Never the groom though, because he reckoned the man were generally marrying up 😂

in hindsight, perhaps I should have married the taxi driver instead.

My mum asked me. We did meet and marry within a year though so I guess she had to check. She loves my husband more than she does me and if we ever joke about divorce he says 'I'll be ok your mother will take me in' 😂 we are very happy though, definitely no regrets.

My mum asked my sister a month before the wedding. Ds didn't take very kindly to being asked and stormed out, after some soul searching she called the wedding off a couple of weeks before the big day. Mum actually liked her son in law to be, but realised that they weren't a good match for each other.
She didn't asked me before I got married and we are still married 20 years later. I think with her being a marriage guidance counselor she could see the red flags before they had even been hoisted up the flag pole.

I have, to one of my friends. She was annoyed at the time but it didn’t ruin our friendship luckily. I’m still dubious but everyone has to make their own choices in life.

as a point of view from the other side, I was with an ex for about four years and when I was out drinking with one of my friends, the topic of marriage came up and I said “oh I’d never marry him!” And my friend said “well what are you doing then?” And we kind of left it at that and carried on with our night, but it definitely gave me something to mull over, and I ended up splitting up with him not long after that. Sometimes you just need that wee bit of clarity to give you a nudge! Still so grateful to be honest - my life would have been miserable if I’d stayed!

A friend I'd not seen in a few years asked me what I thought she should do.
I knew the groom and said, go ahead, he really loves you, he's a nice guy.
They're still married 25 years later and when I last saw her she seemed pretty happy and chill with life.

More than one of us asked our friend. She ploughed ahead digging the heels in and doubling down. Nine years on she spends as much time away from the useless idiot as she can. Won’t divorce. Doesn’t want to split the house.