FFS! I feel like a horrible mummy

[greenlorryblue]

I have a soon to be 5 month old baby and last night she woke to feed at about midnight, only 40 minutes after I went to bed. I don’t remember feeding and think I must have dozed off, I only realised this after putting her back in her cot. I am beside myself with guilt as to what could have happened. I sit up in bed to feed and have done since she was born and this has never happened before, but usually I scroll on my phone and on this occasion I didn’t.

I can’t stop imagining worst case scenarios (I have anxiety anyway, so it’s not helped). I know planning to cosleep is safer than accidentally doing it but it’s not something we ever feel comfortable doing. As I say, usually going on my phone gives me something to occupy myself with. Not sure what I want from this post but I just feel terrible and can’t stop my mind from picturing what could’ve happened.

I will never do it again 😢 has anyone else done it before?

I also think I was only dozing for the length of the feed, not that that matters.

Not with feeding as my son had a severe tongue tie so never latched, but he was a reflux baby and screamed lying flat so me and my husband split the night as often had to spend ages holding him upright against us after a feed, and a few times one us has dozed off and woken with a start.

Some mothers breastfeed in lying down position and doze off but with their body in that c position to prevent rolling, there's lots of ways and some even cosleep with their baby's following the guidelines. It sounds like this wouldn't be for you so just dont give yourself a hard time over this if you can, it happens to most of us at some point in those early days and it sounds like you won't let it happen again.

I ended up cosleeping with my son on his cot with no side on and me in the bed but able to reach out to him with no gap between bed mattress and cot as it got so bad with his being used to contact sleep due to the reflux we knew we would fall asleep and of the two the cosleeping was the safer option. Such a hard time in life in many ways and glad to be out of that phase now with a robust 19 month old!

Please don't beat yourself up about it. This happens all the time. I've done it - probably hundreds here have - untold millions since the dawn of time

There are so many "that might have been a disaster" moments when raising a child. If you're always fixating on what might have been, you'll drive yourself crazy. Your baby is fine and that's what matters.

Please don’t beat yourself up because I’d hazard a guess that pretty much everyone here has dozed off during feeding, especially in the middle of the night! Your baby is fine!

Please don't beat yourself up about it. I've done it before with both of mine as I was just so exhausted.

After the first time though I made sure the bed was safe for cosleeping just incase it happened again. And made sure my husband didn't have a drink in the evenings anymore incase baby ended up in with us. I also switched to night feeds in a chair for a bit which helped.

What would you say to a friend who'd done this? I bet you wouldn't call them horrible. Give yourself some grace, this is extremely common and lots of people sleep with their babies on top of them / beside them. Planned cosleeping is obviously safer than accidental but it happens. Your baby is okay. Women have slept with their babies for millennia, I really hate how modern times have us terrified of something that's completely natural. Most cultures where cosleeping is common have extremely low incidences of SIDS.