Am I being the arsehole here?

[BertieBottsEveryFlavourBeans]

Am I being an arsehole for not wanting relatives to stay in our flat, camping on an airbed for 3 alternative weeks during the Summer holidays?

There is a lot of backstory to this but the crux of the issue is this relative expects to come and stay with us, sleep in our living room (we don't have a spare room) and is upset when I have said it's too much for us and suggested an Airbnb, booking a shorter visit and maybe staying with us a few days instead.

Relative moved abroad but comes back for several weeks during the Summer and over Christmas.

I like my own space and want to spend the time I've booked off over the Summer with my kids doing what we want to do, without having to host someone and change my plans to accommodate them.

So based on the above, am I an arsehole for feeling like this?!

This isn't reddit

Insightful 👍

True though. Know your audience.

Yanb an arse u

No, not your problem to house them.

@BertieBottsEveryFlavourBeansI don’t think you’re being an arsehole, no. I would feel the exact same way. It’s your home at the end of the day. I think you’ve been reasonable to suggest a stay of a few days.

Aye, that's true.
OP we do AIBU here.

I've been on Mumsnet for many years, I'm not brave enough to post on AIBU!

You’re perfectly right to say no to your freeloading relatives but you will get bullied for trying to subvert the MN lingo! 😂

I should have known better, I'll get my coat 🤣 at least I didn't use an acronym!!

YANBU. Id hate having someone sleeping on my sitting room floor unless it was an absolute emergency

You're not the arsehole on this thread OP.

No, you aren't. Sounds like a nightmare in all honesty. You don't invite yourself to stay at someone else's house for so long or in such an annoying way. Instinct tells this relative has a history of entitled behaviour

On the face of it, no, of course you can say no. Your home etc.

But for me, it would depend who the relative is and how much I value the relationship. If you say no, will they still be able to afford to visit you? Will you see them regularly elsewhere? Do you care if the answer to both is
no?

I say this because I had to stop visiting my mum because she didn’t have room for me. I, on the other hand, will always have room for my daughter.

I would definitely say no. YANBU. I have a spare room but with the exception of my children and grandchildren, no one stays longer than 3 days.
Is this person going to spend all their time with you or are they just using you as an hotel?

Yanbu

It sounds frankly horrendous, and I'm pretty easy-going. In my single and child-free days, when I lived in a very visitable European city, I had various guests camping out in my living room for up to I think about 5 days max and that's plenty, even when they didn't expect to be entertained. YANBU to offer the compromise you have done, they must realise they are taking the absolute piss. Out of interest is it your family member or your partner's?

YANBU!

DH and I lived between zone 1-2 for 18yrs. We did have a spare room, but even so, anything more than 1 night was more than enough.

Good for you OP for saying it didn't work for you.

What do you mean by 3 alternative weeks? Are they staying elsewhere on the weekends then returning to yours during the week? For 3 weeks??? CF IMO! I agree- sent them the local premier inn website and leave it with them!

I’d say 3 nights max and they stop somewhere else or shorten visit

I'd just say no. it's a pain in the bum having people to stay for longer than a few days, and even worse if there's no spare room. Tell them to ask about renting uni accommodation in the holidays, apparently it's relatively inexpensive.

YANBU. A week at a time is a long time to have a house guest, especially if you don't have a spare room, and three weeks in total is a big chunk out of your summer holidays. I would say no to this.

They sound very entitled expecting you to accommodate them like that although I suppose it depends what relation they are to you.
A parent or child could ask and expect accommodation from me but anyone else, it would be a no.

My sister: yes no problem
random cousin: big problem.

so, in short, it depends who the mystery relative is.

And you aren't the thread police...

I could not stand having someone sleeping in my living room for more than two nights. With a spare room I might be able to do a week, but no more than that. I am a very private person and my home is where I am most at peace.