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How to handle this

4 replies

Sndrstr22 · 26/03/2025 06:08

So I've been w my husband for 8 yrs now and we have 2 boys together as well as his daughter from a previous relationship. Sd BM had abandoned her when she was 6 months old while my husband was incarcerated so my husband aunt took temporary custody of her til he got out. My sd was 2 yrs old when I got w my husband. And then a yr later I ended up getting pregnant we had our first son and then 6 months later I was pregnant again and we had our second son. Through our the whole time me and husband have been together me and my sd have had a pretty good relationship w each other. She callse mom and I don't treat her any different then my own kids. My family don't treat my sd any different. But his family well that's a different story. His 2 aunts and step mom always wanted to watch my sd or they would buy my sd anything she wanted they wouldn't watch my 2 boys they had every excuse y they couldn't they wouldn't buy my boys anything except for a small toy or bag of candy on there birthdays or Christmas while they will spend tons of money buying my sd cloths shoes underwear toys ect.i would always make comments to them bout well u do know u have 2 other bio nephews/grandsons and they would tell me yeah we know.. then it got to a point where my boys were old enough to see how there sister was the only one going over to ppls house or getting things from ppl and they started asking questions so I would tell my boys to go tell there aunts that's or grandma that thinking that would open there eye on how there being .well that didn't worse so then I made it known that if they can't buy for all 3 then don't buy for non and if they can't take all three then they can't take none.. then all of a sudden they started trying to be involved in the boy's life for like 6 months buying things for them keeping over night but now they are back to where we first started but this time since my sd is older now I tell them how she is acting if she has done her chores all week and ECT. Sd like to argue talk back be disrespectful and have the last word she doesn't like doing the one any only chore she has which is her room so I told her that she won't be able to go anywhere or do anything if she doesn't do her chores everyday.but she will literally throw a fit scream and yell and destroy her own stuff in her room and then tell me she hates me and I'm not her mom. So I tell all her great aunts and her grandma that sd isn't allowed to go anywhere or do anything and they get all in there feelings asking me 21 questions bashing my parenting and telling me it's our fault she acts this way and then of course they call everyone in the book and tell them that's I'm not letting sd go over there.and blah blah. (Just so u know my husband doesn't discipline our kids he doesn't do anything w them and he lets them get away w stuff while at times he's the one who also destroys stuff when he gets mad I'm always the bad guy ) I used to get sick and tired of his family causing me problems bout the whole situation I would end up letting sd go over to her aunts/grandma house cuz I didn't want to hear all the lies they would say but as of 3 days ago my sd wanted to act out again so I had letting those ppl know right away that no my sd will not be going anywhere this weekend so do even bother asking if she can and I explained the reason y and told them if they didn't like it then oh well what would they do if she was living w them doing the same thing and I told them end of conversation and they could come get the boys but I already knew that wouldn't happen. Am I being to rude to my in laws

OP posts:
parietal · 26/03/2025 06:32

How old are the kids now? SD must be around 10 and your boys 7 and 6? Are there ways you can maintain discipline with SD without banning her from seeing relatives? No screens until bedroom is tidy or something. That would side step this problem.

Sndrstr22 · 27/03/2025 03:40

In the past when my sd has done this before I had taken away her electriconic, I have taken away her TV I had her grounded to her for 3 days I've her write sentences. And nothing seems to work so this was the only thing left to do...

OP posts:
burntoutnurse · 27/03/2025 03:53

She’s 10 and hormones are kicking in. My kids were awful at that age.

her father isn’t helping. She seems to be mimicking his behaviour. That’s your problem

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FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 27/03/2025 04:36

You have a DH and in laws problem.

Nothing will change unless they do, so punishing her is pretty useless.

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