If you’re in a happy relationship ....

[CinnamonTart]

... please can you tell me how you interact over a typical day. I’ve totally lost all concept of what I should be expecting in a relationship.

Normal work day .... from when you wake up - any non-sexual / sexual physical interactions and normal chat.

If we wake up around the same time we'll have a quick snuggle in bed. If we wake up at different times no snuggle but normally a kiss when leaving for work. Couple of cuddles usually through the day if we're both there, or if we're out of the house a cuddle in the evening.
Right now we're on sofa and my feet are on his lap. Bedtime we'll have a cuddle or spooning cuddle. Sometimes sex, sometimes not.
I think we're fairly affectionate, still like to hold hands on a walk. Chat wise - what's for dinner, shopping, have you called your mum, guess what happened today, look at this news article sort of stuff

Chatter all day, often tell each other we love each over. Hugs and squeezes- not so much legs on laps because of the sofa lay out and I’m easily stimmed. Most importantly we talk kindly to each other. Lots of thank yous and acknowledgements.

Yep, pretty much that, chat all day, help each other, quite affectionate, occaisonal row but all good really. Lots of support.

We don't live together and we work different shifts but if I'm on an early and she's on a late ill pop over to hers after work and she'll have the coffee on and we'll just chill for an hour or sometimes we'll go out for a couple of hours.
I stay over every other weekend but throughout the day we text and call sometimes facetime. Sometimes we'll watch a film together on facetime.
Were quite tactile so will hug, hold hands if were out, kiss.
Sometimes we have daytime sex if she's run me a bath after work then snuggle up in bed and just watch crap tv for an hour.
If we're sat watching tv I'll have my legs on her lap or vice versa.
Lots of what's going on in our days chats. How were feeling about work, life etc. Things were looking forward to.

We deliberately get up 30 mins before we need to get the DC’s up for school so we can have a quiet cup of tea together, read the paper etc
Without fail, he kisses me every day before leaving for work - he saw a video a few years ago where a guy was saying something about men who kiss their wives regularly live longer and we both thought it was funny, and it became a little inside joke: “Need a kiss so I don’t die” 😂
DH works a job where he’s not allowed a mobile phone or any device with Bluetooth connectivity in his office for security reasons, but can access his DM’s on Instagram on his desktop computer. He usually sends me an Instagram DM to let me know he’s arrived at work safely. There’s usually a few messages backwards a forwards throughout the day - usually just boring everyday stuff like “can you pick up some milk on the way home” or whatever.
We usually do the afternoon school run together. He then goes for a run while I cook the DC’s dinner and then he’ll help the DC’s with homework after they’ve eaten.
Quite often after the DC’s have eaten and done homework, they’ll have some TV time, and me and DH will shower together - not necessarily a sexual thing, just a closeness 🤷🏻‍♀️
After the DCs have gone to bed, we usually cook our dinner together and settle in to watch some tv. Some nights we’ll play a board game or something.
Generally we are quite “touchy” people - if we are sat on the sofa he’s usually got a hand on my leg or I’ll rest my head against his arm. We still hold hands if we are out walking. He’s also an incessant bum smacker 😂 DH is also quite vocal (out of earshot of the DCs) about his physical attraction to me which can be hilarious at times.
When it comes to sexual intimacy, we average 2-3 times a week most of the time. There’s times where it’s less, there’s times when it’s more.
We live thousands of miles away from family, so date nights outside of the house are few and far between, but when we do have the opportunity, we take full advantage!
My MIL is coming to stay later this week into next week and she was adamant that we go out Friday night and she’ll look after the DC’s. As far as I’m aware, he got us theatre tickets and we’ll have a nice dinner somewhere.
Sounds cheesy and clichè but as well as being my DH, he really is my best mate as well 🤷🏻‍♀️ I enjoy his company, he makes me laugh, we have intelligent conversation, shared interests etc all the emotional/physical intimacy is just a bonus.
We were previously both in very unhappy marriages, so I think we both put more effort into our marriage because we are genuinely happy together.

Most interactions are about dealing with the kids and logistics! But during the school day we are often both working from home so make each other tea, pop in on each other, then in the evening watch a film or tv show together and talk about our day. He'll rub my ankles too which is always appreciated.

Sometimes I bollock him/ gently remind him about jobs not done but we don't really argue.

We have very similar sense of humour, and we are still affectionate after 27 years together. We still hold hands, we even hold hands sometimes when we watch TV, I put my legs on him and he does little things like making sure I'm warm, and my needs are met from the little to the big things. We split chores naturally, I cook, he cleans. We are equal, and treat each other as such. I come from a more well to do family and he's working class but we don't have separate pots of money. What we earn goes into one pot, both names are in all deeds, and we don't argue about money as we trust that the other one is sensible. We don't talk much about work, we both want to escape after a long day. We repeat stupid jokes everyday and still roll eyes at each other and laugh at jokes that have been told a thousand times. We are both deadly afraid of losing each other. While it sounds grim, I do think about it a lot and I know he does too. Maybe that's why we don't take things for granted.

We don't live together but try and see each other 3 or 4 times a week. In the mornings we wake up together we generally have sex, not the same as night time, long, lingering sensual sex but we both enjoy the intimacy. He's generally out the door fairly early, so it's a quick coffee together and chat about what we've both got on that day and he's off after a lovely hug and kiss and our love yous.

We message at specific times during the day due to breaks. He always initiates the texting. If we're seeing each other that evening he'll call and check what I want for dinner and stop for ingredients on his way, he'll usually pick me up something as a treat like a little bar of choc or bunch of daffs. Always greet each other with a kiss and a hug. He cooks and we'll chat about anything and everything. We have a very similar sense of humour.

Eat dinner, get cleared up and plonk ourselves on the sofa to watch TV. We have an unspoken rule of no doom scrolling on phones whilst we are together. We are generally always touching in some way either a leg, arm or hand. We go to bed at the same time, generally have sex, sometimes not, and it's no issue if we're just too tired, neither of us are sex pests. We do the New York Times quizzes together, and then its lights off. Always have a big cuddle, then I get too hot and move away. We often talk in the darkness for a while. For a big, burly, tattooed, bearded tradie he is incredibly romantic and really lets himself be vulnerable but only with me. Always say I love you before we go to sleep and he is a real hugger in the night. Nothing like feeling the arms of the man you love wrapping around you to pull you closer to him.

We're 5 years in but it still feels unreal. I wish I'd met him years ago, but our respective failed marriages made us the people we are now. We barely have a cross word and both of us are quick to apologise and clear the air if we do. We don't want to waste a minute of our time together with any kind of negative atmosphere. We're in our mid to late 40's now, so I hope we have many more happy years together.

One of us is up early with the baby (we alternate), so no time for a cuddle in bed like we used to do before he was born! When the other one comes downstairs for the morning a hug and kiss and asking each other how we slept, coffee break together at 10.30ish (we both work from home), have lunch together and take the dog for a walk, another mid afternoon coffee break, normally chatting in the kitchen, have a cuddle at some point during these coffee breaks! After work we’re both playing with the LO, giving him his dinner, doing the nighttime routine etc. once he’s asleep at 7pm we have dinner together and then watch some TV or potter about. We’re currently upstairs in the bedroom, I’m stretched out on the bed and he’s playing darts, we’ve both just been sat on the bed for around an hour chatting about our impending little girl and reminiscing about the initial weeks with our little boy. We’ll both go to bed around 11 and have a cuddle in bed and a kiss goodnight!

Thank you all so far. Am reading your posts with tears running down my cheeks. 22 years together and barely a friendly word. I need to fix this.

That's very sad to read @CinnamonTart 💐

My ex h had a couple of affairs and I ended our marriage resulting in divorce at the age of 45 and me being a single parent to our daughter. I couldn't imagine the life I have now when I was in the midst of a quite frankly miserable marriage.

Was there ever kindness in your relationship? Can you see a way back to that with effort from both sides or do you think it's too far gone?

Hi OP, have things changed or has he always not been chatty.
I have been married 23 years and DH is great from a chatterbox. He is also not very cuddly. We are not in constant contact during day as I work in NHS and do not have time to be on my phone. Sometimes DH will be on a work trip and we will not always speak in phone that evening. However, we are happily married and I can honestly say in those 23 years, I have never wished we had not married. If we're are both in on an evening, we will watch something together sharing a blanket on the sofa and holding hands. I could literally count on one hand how many times he had actually said "I love you" but he shows me daily in many ways. We are both neuro diverse which helps and we do make each other laugh every day which is what keeps me going. ❤️

That’s really sad to read 😔
Has anything suddenly changed OP? Or has your relationship always been less “lovey dovey”?

OP, you sound like my mum with stepdad before they both died. Please get out. My DH is a PITA at times but "barely a friendly word" is so much worse than not enough sex, not enough help around the house, etc.

This is a standard day when we have nothing special on.

We have retired now, if no one has anywhere to go to early we drink tea and eat breakfast in bed every day whilst chatting listening to the news and reading. Chatting is after a good 30 mins as I am not a morning person. I have stuff on 3 mornings a week. We meet up for late lunch and then walk for an hour. Then potter about then dinner, tv for an hour or two and then go on our games, same room different consoles. We chat quite a lot not sure what MN would make of it there is general sort stuff out, joking but quite sarcastic and then we have our horrible little chats as we call them. We sing together sometimes as well, one starts to sing something and then the other joins in. DS says we are weird. There is quite a bit of do you remember and showing each other stuff on you tube. We often do crosswords and word puzzle type things together.

Just to add we have been together since 1997, married 1999, friends since 1995.

Wow. How lucky are all of you?! 😔