@PleaseDontFingerMyPouffe well done, but you have missed out all the best bits🤣.
Don’t be at all surprised if flight delayed and no one seems to have updates until someone let’s slip they are trying to find a crew for the flight. We have a high incidence of that. Plane comes in, ‘retiring’ crew gets off, new crew from another flight in was meant to take over but that flight was delayed/cancelled and now there is a plane but no crew. The gate area is overcrowded with only half the seats versus passengers. Everyone completely over life but having to stand around/not go to toilet for fear of losing seat in case they miss an announcement of what is actually going on.
High likelihood of person you sit next to having b.o. or being annoying in some way. Some like to tell you their entire life story. Immediately on plonking your bum on the seat, put obvious headphones on and don’t make eye contact. Also, high likelihood of some CF’er who hasn’t booked/paid selected seats kicking off as they have been separated from travelling companions/kids and expecting the plane to shuffle around to accomodate their cheapness. Also, there will always be someone who takes someone else’s seat (don’t know why but they always have a reason that makes sense to them only) and causes a ruckus everyone else has to put up with. It will give you the opportunity to thank fuck you never contemplated becoming air crew because even the most passive, mild mannered folk want to punch these people in the face. You will be amazed at the restraint of the air crew.
I won’t even go there re the fights regarding overhead lockers. Expect a shitfight and beware CF’ers exist who even think nothing of moving other peoples bags around to accomodate their odd sized stuff that is not even overhead compliant.
I laughed at the pp’s description of ‘there may be a slight delay’ when taxi’ing. Many is the time I’ve been on the tarmac for several hours. Reality being I could have flown there and back 2 or 3 times in the time we have been sitting there. Admittedly, my home airport is located in some abnormal high wind zone so this may play a part at both ends. But I have encountered it occasionally on unrelated routes also. Many is the time I have heard pilot’s apologise and say if they actually taxi out it makes it much harder for them to drag us back and cancel the flight and they also want to get home, so a delay of several hours is the lessor evil.
Then there is the potential endless circling when there is a delay in landing, or even potential diversion to some other airport nowhere near where you want to be.
If you are on a route with meals, always register as vegetarian. That has always been a better bet than the other options which are sometimes hard to believe are actually food when you look at it, and taste it. Plus they give you your meal before the trolleys, where if you are in later rows you often don’t even get a choice between the bad options.
Don’t contemplate the toilets unless you really have to. Stuff of nightmares. On a short flight, do not drink for a few hours prior and make sure you get it out before boarding. Then go at the other end if needed. On long haul, just steele yourself for it, and hope for the best.
On landing, 99% of people act like complete dicks trying to get off. Common sense says if you are in the last row, you are not getting off first, but this concept seems to allude most people. Of course, as with getting on, this will be the time for people to endlessly mess around with bags getting them down and packing stuff in (again the opposite frustration from boarding where they dither endlessly taking stuff out, while blocking the aisle before sitting down).
Also, on landing, depending on where you are, people may clap the pilots for doing the job they are paid for. I find Americans to be high volume culprits. In my country we find this silly and make fun of the outliers who do this believing it is normal🤣. Having said that, if we have experienced horrendous turbulence, have had an engine out, landing gear threatening failure or so forth and they manage to land us mainly unharmed in one piece, we all give them a bloody big clap on landing. They have had to earn it though.
In short, the actual mechanics and safety of flying is nothing to worry about. However, there is generally ample opportunity to be pissed off due to a million and one other things outside your control 😁.